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Very interesting replies, thank you for being honest!
I myself fall into the hypocrite area, more evidenced by the fact that now that my transition is complete my attaction is 99% towards men. I consider myself a staight female. I would have a real problem being involved romanticlly with another TS or even a CD who dresses on occasion. Like many GG's I want my man to be a man.
I would give my wife the same treatment she is giving me, no support, no understanding and a lot of name calling. I guess that would be called revenge and even knowing it is wrong I wouldn't be able to help myself.
Renyta
The thought of hair legs and underarms on my wife make me shudder!
Good question. Trouble is, it's a hypothetical one for me because I know my wife (as she knows me) and she is not interested.
I would, I am sure, still love her just the same because it's the person I love, not the wardrobe or the hairstyle. She, as it happens, feels the same about me.
It's only fair to say, perhaps, that before I came out to her as Ruth I was not a particularly tough macho guy: I preferred books and the theatre to sport and the great outdoors, and I have no idea about the mechanical side of cars. So it was no great stretch for her when I started wearing dresses.
Not sure how I would be probably only one of those questions to answer when or if it occurs. I agree though with most people its about the person as a whole and clthes shouldnt dictate how you feel about someone but I guess that does happen in some situations.
So far as I can tell, most women crossdress every single day. Either that, or they've managed over the last 50 years to make boots, jeans, and a t-shirt acceptable feminine wear.
So the point doesn't hold up, really. Where we are percieved as a challenge to societal norms, they already ARE the societal norm. I guess that means we have to work harder lol.
Crysten
Great Point! If my wife approached me, I would probably be shocked for quite a while. I agree that those with accepting spouses/SOs are very fortunate. My wife is unaware of this part of my life. I have hid it for many years with only a few close calls. If the shoe was on the other foot? Hmmmm...... Not sure.
I told my wife when we met, I would have expected the same if that were true, and I would accept it
true, but what I think took this out of the everyday dressing women do is the addition of the packing and binding. To reduce breast size ( I know a lesbian who does this just because she thinks she is too big, which is not true but maybe some lesbians prefer boyish chests):strugglin and packing? I don't ever remember that being important to be to showing what I have (maybe because it was a moot point because I would need athletic socks just to be average).Quote:
Originally Posted by Crysten
I know many women who would like smaller less conspicuous breasts but have yet to meet the one who wants a 9" penis (probably due to the fact they can get those anytime they want from willing men).
So I read it more about the accessories rather than the clothing. If tomorrow it was OK for men to wear skirts and dresses, how many here would be satisfied?...We want the boobs, butts and flat fronts. When I read it like that I can see how husbands would be shocked, but I also have a gut feeling that as long as she didn't become a total lesbian, those same guys would either ignore or think they hit the jackpot. IMHO.
In as far as CD whose spouse came out this way,I would hope that our experience (after initial shock) would be total acceptance. But I was wrong as per previous posts. I would take my wife, beard, flat chest and a 8" penis over losing her. But I am not in the middle of the bell curve, never have been never will.
Actually no we do not Crysten ...... as you are a new member I will not jump up and down on you, but in general this viewpoint has been beaten to death on the forum and generally results in ill feeling anf on occasions threads being closed because of how heated discussions can get :sad:, .......... we GG'ss wear female clothing desingned for the female body (in general)Quote:
Originally Posted by Crysten
Welcome to the forum hun :hugs:
A hypocrit, is one who professes ONE THING, but does ANOTHER!:Angry3:Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachel A V
Like sayin; " My wife can dress however, and be as masculine as she wants to be". But then, u refuse to sleep with her! :doh:
What Gabby said, is NOT hypocrital! And I'm with her! I'm NOT attracted to anything masculine, including myself!:eek:
I can't enjoy sex when dressed, if I can see a man in my mirror!:sad:
If I were to find a GG to have a relationship with, I'd be HONEST about my CDing. I wouldn't dress around her, and be a man whenever we're together. If she wanted it that way. AND, I'd expect her to present as a FEMALE around me!:hugs:
THAT'S NOT being hypocritical!:brolleyes:
So many of the points raised here on this issue are confused & confusing (appropriate use of those terms, no?). So much of what has been said is dependent on sexual orientation rather than gender expression.
Heterosexual M2F crossdressers are attracted sexually to women & would thus not be attracted to a woman who wanted to be taken as a man sexually but perhaps OK with a GG who role plays for sexual excitement but stops at that point. See? Confusion runs riot. Is this not our collective lot?
Hypocrisy is not really the issue. Gender expression and sexual preference are two very different subjects and lead in different directions. If my beautiful wife decided that she wanted to express her sexual excitement by dressing as a male and having sex that way, I would be surprised but would work my way through it. If, instead, she wanted breast mastectomy, a penile prosthesis and so on she would discover a very perplexed crossdresser SO. Each of us as individuals would have to work out the different sexual and gender issues. Personally, I would stand by my man if that's what she chose but would be very disappointed in her choice. I would expect the same reaction from her if I were to choose to have my gender reassigned. It's one thing to express sexual preferences and another to permanently live a gender decision.
Not to slice this too thin, but some of of you all are confusing transsexualism with cross dressing. No where in the first post did it say your wife would become a male or undergo any surgery. The question was she would WEAR things including prostheses to appear masculine. So sleeping with a TRans Male is not the question. No one said you would end up having sex with a "Male". It would be no different than when you remove your forms and pads and become a male again, your wife would present as a female (with maybe a little toy attached, if you like). So many of you claim that changing to a woman isn't even on your radar, yet you assume that when a woman does exactly what you are doing she will become a man. Look in the mirror! Are you scared she will leave you for a woman? Now you know what goes through her mind.
Guess you can see why women have concerns when we jump out of the closet and yell surprise! Shoes aren't so comfortable now are they?
And Doc, we would be hypocritical if we were to ask tolerance for us and refuse it for another
" Middle English ypocrite, from Anglo-French, from Late Latin hypocrita, from Greek hypokritēs actor, hypocrite, from hypokrinesthai
Date:
13th century
1 : a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion 2 : a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings "
I am sorry but most feelings here are "This is me take me as I am love and accept me" to not give that back would be hypocritical. So we disagree
i told my wife id support her no matter what, i love her for her insides not out. i have told her this already. but the thing with her hanging out with other men dont think she would, they would probly stick together kinda like we do.
I would like to add that refusing to except a TG wife even though you are a CD does not make you a hypocrite. But if you feel that way, but feel as though her hypothetical rejection of you is unfair, THEN you are a hypocrite.
You're either attracted to a person or you're not. It doesn't have to be fair, or even logical. Sexuality is internal, not rational.
Crysten has a great point they do dress in mens clothes daily and there are no looks about it, ive also said this to my wife, she understands, we are wearing dresses and heels and painting our faces, there is a small difference..
And yet the "unaccepting wives" many of the CDers here complain about are themselves heterosexual GGs. So according to you, Patricia, it's perfectly okay for them not to be attracted to their husband once they (the husbands) reveal that they are CDers.Quote:
Originally Posted by Patricia1
Mods, I really think this thread should be "stickied" either on this or the "loved ones" forum. Regardless of one's view on the issue, it provides perspective for those "negotiating" with their SOs about boundaries.
I would love this, however, I would want this to be "our thing". the thought of going out with him, and having a role reversal would be exhilarating. I would have a hard time with a full FTM transition.
For me the ability to mix it up, two girly girls, one girly girl and one guy or two guys would bring so much adventure, exploration and expression into my life that I might just think I was in Nirvana. Just think of the fun!
Ta Ta
Juliet
honestly id think.....its awesome! this thought has crossed my mind before and i've weighed out the scenarios and came to the conclusion i'd be cool with it. granted there would be limits. say for example i doubt a SO would want me to show up at her families house as gina (out of respect for her family) i would ask the same from her. other than that i dont think there would be much of an issue for me at all.:)
Let me take my usual "other" perspective:
A) I know that the outward appearance of being feminine takes time to develop primarily because 1) our bodies aren't feminine (usually), and 2) we didn't spend all of our adolescence learning how to be feminine. So let's turn that around and they'd have to change how they walk and dress and all the rest. Just because they wear jeans and a T-shirt doesn't mean they are wearing male jeans and a male T-shirt...all that would have to change along with hair!
B) The other problem is how we talk and think. To be successful males they'd have to rethink their approach to life, and that would not be easy, just as it's not easy for us to change our speech patterns, our modes of thinking, and all the rest that really polish our being feminine.
Basically, they'd need lots of help, just as we do. Ok, granted that part of it may be easier because women have a wider socially accepted mode of attire, and men are slobs, so that much is easier. The rest would be just as much of a struggle if they were really committed to being accepted as male.
Lastly, my own agreement is that we married as heterosexual partners. We'd simply need to keep to that agreement and make sure that the majority of time that's who we are. If she wanted to be...say...Henry while I'm Tina...why not? Actually I think I'd be a stitch!
Tina
I've been putting a lot of thought into this very question myself as of late and honestly, I feel it WOULD be hypocritical to desire acceptance from my SO and not be willing to give acceptance if she decided she wanted to present as male sometimes. If that's what she really wanted, I'd be as supportive and accepting as I could. Which is exactly what I want from her.
My wife is not the most girly of girls in the first place. Her long hair is about as girly as she gets. The wearing of certain clothes or shaving does not impact much in our world. She wears slacks and polo style shirts most of the time so her style of dress is similar to my own in guy mode. I probably wear a dress far more often than she does, and have had more makeup on me in the past 2 months than she has in 20 plus years.
Personally, I would have more difficulty accepting a transition that included a change in etiquette to a more masculine style. I could not deal with or handle her spitting in public, farting, cussing like a sailor, digging her crotch, eating like a medieval king, and other very grotesque things that lots of guys do.
I could accept the style of dress and even anything else she wanted to do even cutting her hair (it is her's BTW), but would have a hell of hard time if she wanted to drink beer, spit, cuss if Jeff Gordon wins a race (oh she does that already) well not all/really none of that!
All kidding aside I appreciate those that have been completely honest with their feelings in this thread. Both Gabe and KH laid it on the line with their post, and some might call them what they will, but honesty goes along way in this cowboy's view. She did not sign up for this as KH said, but she allows me some degrees of freedom with her boundaries firmly in place. I think as for style and grace we are both fairly androgynous people, in the middle to some extent, and pushing the opposite end of the gender spectrum as well. She is very comfortable in a t-shirt, blue jeans, and boots as I am in a skirt, blouse, and heels.
I don't mean to be hard on Patricia. I'm just disappointed in some of the responses I've seen on this thread. Though I myself have no interest in FtoM CDing myself, I would have expected those on here to be much more accepting of SOs who do.
And accepting that your wife wears slacks and no makeup is not equivalent to accepting a husband who CDs.
I'd second that proposal :)Quote:
Originally Posted by FluffyPersian
Sarah xxx
If i ever find a girlfriend my age i'd love it if she liked to dress male. I 'have a thing' for petite girly boys though so maybe thats why =/
Whatever happens, shes accepted you so you'll accept her, its the lesat you could do :)