Why Do We Bother

I don't have a SO, but I do have a very supportive GG best friend, without whom I would not be alive today. I love her to bits and let her know all the time just how much her friendship means to me. I do not try to push a TG agenda anywhere in my life, I just try to live my life as best I can in order to be the happiest I can be. I think that all the GGs on this site are wonderful. They offer advice, friendship and support to all of us, and I really do appreciate it. I cannot understand why anyone would have a problem with any of them. But that's just me.

Wow, Di, since my post was the one just above, and I have to assume the one you mentioned, then I do apologize. I meant absolutely no offense and didn't realize I was so clueless. Please forgive me. What I wrote, however poorly I may have expressed myself, was meant in a positive and supportive way for every FAB here and for every natal female who supports or at least tolerates their TG spouse and deals with all the other things as well that women are expected to deal with in their lives.

BTW, I do have a job, I do have a wife, we have been married over 25 years and I do have a son.

-Joni Mari

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Originally Posted by Di

We all do what we need to do for our kids, family, friends,work and esp partner. Alot of time new GG's come here and look for support.....then after a while they really are helping their partner accept themselves as well. Some are involved in outside things it it a personal thing AND WE ARE ALL HERE TO SUPPORT OTHERS AS WELL:love:
BUT IT SEEMS LIKE WHATEVER WE DO IT SEEM S NOT TO BE ENOUGH as preached to us by someone without a job, without a partner and without children!!:Angry3::Angry3:
WALK A MILE IN OUR SHOES
( the above thread mentioned.) The nerve of your clueless rhetoric is beyond description!
Yes why do we bother!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!

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Someone once said, on another trans message board I frequent, that prescriptive language is a bad thing. Meaning saying people "must" do something or "have" to do something. Even "should" can be a bad word at times.

I'm a singleton without kids and I tend to keep my trap shut on couples matters, other than to tell CD's they should (there's that word) tell early, before they get married and not keep it a secret through decades of marriage.

Do I think telling the kids is a good idea? Yes, but it's not something one "has" to do or that they "must" do, and I'm of the "tell them young, or tell them older, but don't tell them in-between" school of thought.

Do I think openness in general is a good thing? Yes, it's how we're going to remove the stigma attached to "This Thing of Ours", but how open is a very individual thing. And someone like me, who eventually wants to go full time, has different needs on opennness from people who don't.

It's like how I put my real name in my posts, but I'm not going to bash anyone else or complain that others don't do it even if I think openness is a good thing.

Veronica
Rondelle (Ron) Rogers Jr.

Of course not ladies it is thread in the loved ones section that has made us feel our efforts are not enough. Thanks though:hugs:

this is the thread

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...d.php?t=108470

Thank you, Di, for having clarified that. Please accept my apology for having taken what you meant in a wrong way.

Hugs...Joni Mari

To all the GG's:

Like i said earlier i believe that the people who have expressed these sentiments are way in the minority. It would be a terrible loss for us to lose you!!!!!

My wife goes way above and beyond the call of duty when it comes to supporting my crossdressing. In fact, she is more than accepting, she is encouraging and accommodating. She goes out of her way to make Tanya feel very welcome in our home.
Considering this, I wouldn't dream of asking my wife to tell her friends and family about my crossdressing as it would create a very awkward situation with respect to the various relationships that we both have, and I am simply unwilling to put her through that.

I do understand the need for crossdressers to become more viiable in society in order to become more accepted in the mainstream, but that's a cross I will have to bear, not her.

Tanya

My family is my family...decisions that affect the whole family are made by my DH and I. Because we choose not to tell people does not make us bad people or unaccepting in anyway. We choose to keep a certain balance in our life that is our choice..not anyone elses. Just because someone else has an opposite opinion doesn't mean it is going to make us change our mind. We have control of our own lives....as do all of you. There are times I find it is very upsetting to see a CDer upset with their SO over what to me is sometimes very petty things. There are also very big issues too, but the advice given sometimes is not always the best. What if we had the issue totally wrong and it really wasn't as bad off as it was put across, but we told the person over and over..get out of the relationship...but how often do we actually get to hear the flip side. How often is it because of an over reaction. Relationships..marriages are hard work...but in the end it is the couple that must resolve the issue. All we can do is offer advice and to me "get out now" is not advice. As far as not feeling appreciated...all the appreciation I need comes from my cder.....I offer advice and help when I can..when appropiate...other than that...I shrug off the rest.

i know all the thing your talking about an your right be cose i am a cd-ts an if was lockey e nouth to have a women that wood have me that way i wood not now what to do but i wood do ever thing that i cood to make her life as good as i cood

The women here do more than enough. Geez, life is harsh for us, you want to spread the misery?

From what I've been reading here and on other posts, I think the women are doing a wonderful job of support. The fact that they're on this site at all should speak volumes. I think, perhaps, many Cder's, not necessairly those here, may just take themselves a bit too seriously, and perhaps too self absorbed, at the expense of their loved ones. I'm not speaking from experience here as I do NOT have an SO. However, if I did, and I opened up to her, I would do all I could to support her as much as I hope she would support me. )Just my 2 cents worth!) And to be quite honest, if I did have an SO, and she had a difficult time dealing with this issue, there's no question as to what I would do. She comes first, my hobby comes second, and maybe time would take care of the rest! Hope I'm not offending anyone here with this.

Hi Shelia,

You bother because it's in your nature, this is something that has grown on you and has become a custumed to you. Think of it as a project the challenge is enough to keep you busy ( I know you have plenty of other things to keep you ) but this for some reason has become ...you.. Why?..Well, because Shelia my dear your not in it for the guy in a dress thing oh no not at all or someone who others may think he is confussed about his sexual identity,,,, hell no..

You are in it because you care, you found that you can make a differance in not only Debs life but others such as me. You have a place to execise your skills in helping others through understanding and knowledge never danceing around the truth but getting straight to the matter.. You tell people what the need to hear not what they want to hear. I for one respect and appreciate you and others who deal with this kind of behaviour:hugs:

Sheila, this is a public forum. In being so, you'll see all kinds. Including the psychos, freaks, perverts, and general a-holes.

Don't let the bozos (insert your definition) get you down. We love ya, Dorothy, stay with us!

Apparently there are some here that do not have supportive or even tolerant wives. I don't claim to have read all of those posts, but in concept, is it really so out of line for those people in that boat to feel saddened and seek support for that here?
If you are a GG, and are on the this forum, it seems pretty clear that this sort of post would not be aimed at, or meant for, you. Unless it's "your " crossdresser complaining about you, why would you take these peoples posts as a personal insult? Maybe it's the "guy" in me, but it seems a bit over sensitive to me for you to get upset about someone complaining that their wife doesn't accept them.
And yes, I suspect I'm gonna get flamed for this, and even tried to talk myself out of posting it, but I just can't help myself. I'm stupid that way . . .

There have been three people in my life that without their unconditional love, guidance and support I would not be alive today. First and foremost was my late wife and second my mother who is still alive.

Since my wife passed away, I have been very fortunate to have the company of a totally accepting GG friend/companion, a well known person active in several alt. lifestyle orgs., with a long track record as an advocate for TG and other repressed minorities rights. She has opened many doors and I have met some extraordinary people. She is mentor/friend/companion and my debt to her is enormous.

In general, I do understand very well that truly supporting GG's are extremely rare, especially those who also find time to contribute on forums in an attempt to help strangers. Because there are so few GG's available and so many CDs whose needs are so great, it is no surprise that the load can often become too great for so few to bear, especially when they must also deal with day to day affairs in the real world.

Why bother? I participate in the forums to offer support when there is an opportunity. Unlike most people here, the most common issues are no longer relevant to me, but I do remember how things were and I can make some comments that may be of value based on current circumstances.

I like to think someday when I am gone, someone may remember something someone/I said on this forum, and it saved their life.

At times I am inconsiderate, sometimes I am a fool and I am often abstruse, but when I have clarity, at the core, there resides a compassionate being. So being aware, I have no choice. That is why I bother...
and why I think you and many others do the same.

Addition: " She ain't heavy she's my sister"

dd

Well, all I can say is - you have to take each person, and each situation, on it's merits. Everyone is different. In some cases, spouses support each other fully, and the TG person feels wonderful for it (hopefully this is true for both parties). In other cases, maybe not so much. I agree with you Sheila, my son is my #1 priority. Above all else. I could wish my wife were more supportive, and she TRIES (mainly by leaving me alone to do my thing mostly), but what the hell, it is what it is. I don't fault her for it.

Above all else, people who complain on here should QUIT WHINING ON THE FORUM ABOUT YOUR OWN PERSONAL SITUATION THAT YOU CREATED AND YOU SHOULD DEAL WITH. There. Now I've done it.

Crysten

tx kimberley ,

fing READ batty's post in loved ones , THEN let's hear from you.

yea , plenty mad and aint gonna take it .

think of us , your supporting wife and all we do. then we get kicked for not doing more ? f it !
spring

First off let me say, thank you to all the GG's on here and everywhere in the world that are truly supportive of us, in whatever way is appropriate to that situation.

The only question I have is why do so many GG's throw a temper tantrum every time someone posts a thread that doesn't jive with there own thoughts. When someone attempts to start a dialogue that goes contrary to popular opinion, why be offended? why not counter with valid rebuttals? Why the "no one cares about how hard we have it" crap from the GG's.

Quite frankly a lot of you are starting to sound as bad as us CDers. Why not destroy an argument with facts in stead of taking it personal. The person who wrote it, has had DIFFERENT life experiences than you, and you have had DIFFERENT life experiences than them. This is just another "attack Batty" thread as far as I can tell. Where are real valid points? Where do you say anything other than "poor me, no one thinks I sacrifice enough" Yup we ALL have rough times.... get over it and learn from it, and figure out how to make it better for others.

I'm truly starting to wonder how supportive this site really is, when if you go against the standard thought process you just simply get flamed.

I'm sorry if I offended anyone, but to attack someone just because they disagree with you or hold a different opinion than you is ridiculous.

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Originally Posted by Di

Of course not ladies it is thread in the loved ones section that has made us feel unwelcome, unhappy and all our efforts are not enough. Thanks though:hugs:

this is the thread

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...d.php?t=108470

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Di, thanks for clarifying the thread. There are certain members here whom I've placed on Ignore status for my peace of mind and therefore I hadn't seen the thread, and was totally lost as to where all the negativity was coming from. There is enough negativity in the world. Coming here - a place that is supposed to offer support - and seeing all that c**p, makes me sad.

I thank you so much for your support, GGs and all. Even the fact that you're here is so much more support than I normally get in the world. For me, that is enough. If I needed someone else to prop me up, I'd have bigger issues than my non-standard wardrobe.

Kathi

I just wanted to say publicly that I respect admire and cherish each GG I have had the good fortune to meet on this form. You have all reached out to me, offered support and advice, friendship. I have grown so much by listening to you talk about the good and the bad of sharing your lives with transgendered SOs.

In the months that I have been here I have become a better partner, by taking your advice about respecting my wife's feelings and concerns, our life at home is wonderful. She has responded the way you said she would. And we are both much happier. I have all of you to thank for that.:c9:

I can't imagine how hard it must be for you ladies. Doing all that you do for your SOs and us! I often think it is harder for an SO than for TG because although our lives can be difficult we have the release at the end. We get to be pretty:daydreaming: If that makes any sense, what I guess I am saying is after the headaches and concerns, the what ifs, the struggles. we get where we want to be (in my case anyway) indulging our female sides, getting the validation and basking in the peace of not only being ourselves, but getting the validations of the ones we are closest to.

Sadly we often forget that the people around us who give us this validation, suffer the same fears, have the same doubts, jumped the same hurdles, and face the same judgmental world that we do. And they do it without our motivation. We have this thing that drives us, this inner desire that carries us past the sneers, the chuckles and the cold shoulders. Our friends and family members do not have this overwhelming drive that can turn a man like the one I used to be into the woman I am so desperately trying to become.

It is not lost on me my dear GG friends that your motivations are driven by sheer love for your SOs:love: And your rewards come from seeing them happy and fulfilled. How wonderful you all are:hugs: It really hurts me when you are marginalized or taken for granted.

So to Sheila, Tamara, Reine, Sandra, Di ,Socute, Dusty, Paige, DD, Southern Belle , Fluffy Persian:love::hugs::clap::dance:: Thank you from the bottom of my heart, for all that you do for your SOs, and for me.

Love
Daphne

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Di

this is the thread

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...d.php?t=108470

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I think that countering a clearly academic thread that contains way more questions than answers or directives with responses (across two threads) concerning an individual's employment, marital or parental status is an unfortunate stance to take.

Some of the proposals in that thread are difficult to support for most people, I agree. But surely there are other ways to rebut the propositions? A set of propositions like those in the thread concerned doesn't mean that others aren't doing enough. They ask if we could do more. If we can't, then fine.

I suspect an online forum is not the right place for such academic discussions on this subject, there's too much personal risk for many. Discussed here it's not a wholly academic issue and is therefore highly subjective. So an academic post, interesting though it might be, is doomed to failure.

Sarah...

[SIZE="3"]I stopped posting on here because my words of encouragement were twisted into something of malice intent because someone else felt I wasn't supportive.

I stopped posting because it was assumed that my silence over certain situations was an admittance of some sort of guilt as oppose to respecting another's feelings.

I stopped posting because it often seems futile to shovel so much sh!t against the tide.

I'm posting here now to support my friends.

I'm posting now because, although I'm openly bisexual, it is MY right and MY right ONLY to tell anyone else. I do NOT ever hide my sexuality but it honestly isn't anyone else's business either.

If my partner wishes to tell someone she's TG, that is HER right and HER decision. NOT MINE!

Telling people your SO is TG isn't showing "support", its telling the world their business. Now should your SO decide they want to tell everyone, that is their choice and even then, its up to them to carry out that action. I'll gladly stand by my partner while she does so.[/SIZE]

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Originally Posted by DemonicDaughter

[SIZE="3"]I stopped posting on here because my words of encouragement were twisted into something of malice intent because someone else felt I wasn't supportive.

I stopped posting because it was assumed that my silence over certain situations was an admittance of some sort of guilt as oppose to respecting another's feelings.

I stopped posting because it often seems futile to shovel so much sh!t against the tide.

I'm posting here now to support my friends.

I'm posting now because, although I'm openly bisexual, it is MY right and MY right ONLY to tell anyone else. I do NOT ever hide my sexuality but it honestly isn't anyone else's business either.

If my partner wishes to tell someone she's TG, that is HER right and HER decision. NOT MINE!

Telling people your SO is TG isn't showing "support", its telling the world their business. Now should your SO decide they want to tell everyone, that is their choice and even then, its up to them to carry out that action. I'll gladly stand by my partner while she does so.[/SIZE]

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I am glad your back!

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Originally Posted by Di

Of course not ladies it is thread in the loved ones section that has made us feel unwelcome, unhappy and all our efforts are not enough. Thanks though:hugs:

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If you feel offended by a member's point of view, should not your comments be contained to that specific thread? And how does a single member's viewpoint make all the GG members feel unwelcome? Is this member the spokesperson for all CDs?

If the goal of this thread is to demonstrate your hurt feelings and attack another member, then where is the tolerance and support in that? This thread comes across as little more than "an eye for an eye"

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Originally Posted by Sheila

When Batty or any other TG steps outside the door openly & fully upfront as TG ( & I mean openly), maybe justy maybe he has earned the right to advise others until than no he does not ..................

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Right on Sheila, we can't expect others to fight our fight especially if we are not prepared to fight ourselves. We should stand up or shut up!