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Well do not let them WIN by getting to you. That is what they wanted to do, DO NOT LET THEM. Sounds like a bunch of uneducated bullys.Fueled by drink.
You are doing nothing wrong
Be proud of yourself
Turn to Sheila
Ignore them
Do not let them win by getting to you that was what they wanted to do.
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::h ugs:
Ok hun I know this is bloody hard for you but you've got to get that confidence back and say fck the lot of them, don't let them win Debs and don't let them see that if bothers you, because if you do then they will do it more. Keep your head held high and ignore them.
We'll chat more when you and Sheila get here.
:hugs: :hugs:
Debs,I'm very sorry this has to come up and mar the life that you and Sheila have been trying to establish. But after all,you don't even know these characters and whether or not you dress is none of their business! Really sorry,hun.
Debs, Di speaks a lot of sense. As a size 32 lady, I get a lot of sniggers and jeering - they can only drag you down if you let them. Don't give them the power!
:love:
Well, Deborah, this is unfortunate, but really not the end of the world. Hold your head high and be greater than the little punks who can only make themselves feel better by attempting to belittle others around them. If it happens again, Alpha-Male, confront them. "Is there a problem here? Is there something that one of you....any of you....have to say to me?" It's a form of light bullying, and those who bully most often back down when confronted. They feel they have power in numbers, but they really are only a bunch of punks. Cowards who hide behind numbers to mask their own insecurities. For all we know, one or two of them are going to wind up experimenting with ladies' attire before long anyway. You have nothing at all to be ashamed of. Be strong.
Hi Debs,
I'm so sorry you are having this problem. I know when I first moved to the US to be with my SO I felt a little vulnerable in my new surroundings. Having additional "issues" to deal with like this is not helping you settle into your new life.
Having said that, I agree with Di and Sandra. Ok, the situation is not of your doing but this is where you have gotta dig deep, stand fast, and get that confidence back. Look to Sheila for support and advice, (she is your security) and try to take on the attitude of "so what? .. sticks and stones etc etc". If you do get people cat calling or trying to take the pi$$ try and tap into that alpha male side and ignore it or look them straight in the eye and let them know (or try to make them think) that you don't care.
Coming out is a little bit risky. I think my wife's sister has told a bunch a people that we told her not to. There are some things in life you can't control but you can somewhat control how it effects you. The love you have with Sheila should help keep you strong. Good luck.
Hugs
Rachel
Deborah, the next time you hear something like that, do this! Just turn to them and in your best Alpha Male voice say, "Yeah, that's me! You have a problem with that?" I bet that will shut them up quickly if you are half the Alpha Male I think you are!
You are you, and no one can change that! Let the rest of the world you don't give a D*** for their opinions! That is the way I operate and it has worked for many years.
:hugs::hugs:
With your recent move and everything else that is connected to that I imagine that your stress meter is quite high. As great as it is moving in with Sheila you still probably feel a little bit like a guest. Your still looking for your comfort level. I think as this happens your confidence will grow and soon, if this happens again, you will give them a little of that Deborah wit we see here.
Debs hun, it took an unmeasurable amount of strength, I can see, to make any steps forward that you have already made, and will take endless leagues of strength and fortitude to continue on. I can easily declare that I've not been the target of ridicule so openly at this time, but it is obvious to me that those days are sooner to come than perhaps I am ready for. Being out in the world as your femme self is something that you have to /want/ to do for yourself, and with that should stand the idea that it is that drive to bring Debs out into the open that should help strengthen your resolve to stand strong.
I have never been an alpha male in my life, always the target of ridicule as a 'girly' child and non-conforming adult. Walking through a herd of roughnecks any day will always bring taunting, even as I still present as male most of the time. It's fairly simple to guess that, if I were even slightly dressed, my courage wavers as I merely walk out my house door, never mind if and/or when I'm put in obviously uncomfortable situations just operating within life day to day. Having an SO or friend present always helps layer bricks down to help rebuilt that wall of confidence, and every smile and positive interaction I get fortifies the mortar exponentially.
Every time you look in the mirror remember that, regardless of what facade is present at the time, YOU are at the core of that image.. and no passing sting or targeted lance should be given the right to pierce so deeply that it damages the glow within.
STRENGTH! Easy to say, so very hard to hold onto, no matter where you are, we're there in spirit with you. :hugs:
It's a very strange thing because I consider myself to be an alpha male too and for years my cross dressing was tough for me but recent acceptance of it has helped me discuss some of the demons in my past too, most of mine are in my childhood and early teens and I never discuss them ever, but recently with a really close friend of mine they have been seeing the light of day very slowly, it does make me feel a little low when I discuss them but but it's like I have now accepted who I am and not the person I have been trying to be all those years - if that makes sense!!
They'll get bored of it, I wouldn't take any notice of them. They are kids, kids say mean things all the time, but seriously, they'll stop... If they don't, you report them for harrassment, you do this legally, you keep a diary etc etc... don't let them win by shouting back, just ignore them, and keep a log of everything they say. You and Sheila will get through this, getting revenge isn't going to work, you have to do this the right way, even if it is hard and you feel like giving them all a good hiding... although the daughter isn't too big for one :Angry3: doing that to her mum... :censor:
[SIZE="3"]Debs,Quote:
Originally Posted by deborah jane
As you know, I moved across the country to be with Bre. Unlike you and Sheila, we didn't get the opportunity to visit numerous times (only once previously). I left my family, friends and all that I was familiar with to be with the woman I love. I'd do it again in a heartbeat as I'm sure, so would you.
Whether or not you crossdress, someone would find something to pick on about you and/or Sheila just because you are there. People find even the slightest sensitive subject and will just keep digging in until you break. It could be anything... your looks, your intelligence, your home, your job, your whatever.
They know picking on that is going to upset you. They know it will upset Sheila.
What they don't know, is that's life. So what if you crossdress? Who does it hurt? What's the "worse" that could come of it; you nick their skirts from the clothes line?
I say **** 'em. If they haven't the intellect to at least attempt to understand then they aren't worth your worry.
They aren't important. Their opinion doesn't effect your daily life nor your relationship with Sheila, your friends nor your family. You have people who love you as you are.
I think you are a beautiful person and hope you never let anyone take that away from you.
:love:
DD[/SIZE]
I also live in the north of England and, while I don't worry about most adults finding out, I would be concerned if the kids did. I don't know your specific area but I know in mine, your standard urban inner city, you are singled out if you are even the slightest bit different. I can't imagine what the response to a crossdresser would be. As to how to handle it, it's hard to say. Violence is liable to get you in trouble and escalate the situation. Unfortunate I know. There's a few little s*&@! around here I would've liked to have cracked on more than one occasion. As much as it grates perhaps a dignified silence is the best response. In my experience if the kids think they are getting to you they carry on, if they don't it'll probably die down. Although you still end up carrying the anger...Good luck anyway. Sorry to say, but it really is 'grim up north' sometimes.
Debs, I'm sorry this happened to you without warning, and so soon after you moved. That makes it even worse. :hugs:
I don't believe there is anything more disarming than facing a situation like this head on. If it ever happens again, would it be possible for you to excuse yourself from the group, walk up to the boys alone (you don't want it to feel confrontational) with an open expression on your face, extend your hand to them, and ask if they have any questions? Tell them that you are, in fact, transgendered and this is not something that is widely understood. Go on to explain that it is stigmatized because people don't understand it. Assure them it is not a sickness or a perversion, and that it takes a great deal of courage for someone to express a gender other than their birth. And then wait for their questions. Even if they do not ask questions, your actions will stop their heckling, and you would have shown Jack a valuable life lesson.
IMO people do behave like this because they haven't thought beyond the box they grew up in. Who knows, you may not convince them all that it is OK to CD, but you may convince one. I guarantee you that if you approach it this way, you will have gained their respect, no matter what they think about the CDing.
:love:
Debs - IMHO, you've only been not doubting yourself for a relatively short time? It's not surprising if you can be rocked..Quote:
Originally Posted by deborah jane
Someone is going out of their way to make life unpleasant for you both. You can either confront it, or run away - but Yorkshire folk aren't easy to change.Quote:
Originally Posted by deborah jane
You definitely need reinforcements - and pick your battlegrounds carefully..
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicki B
But surely this would just make the matter worse, yes she needs reinforcement which she has in Sheila already and her family, but battlegrounds... is just going to give the people in question more ammunition for a war.
We are at Sandra and Nigellas, needless to say the support we are getting is as usual wholehearted and amazing, those two have an super abundance of knowledge, love & incredible amount of common sense, so thank you both, yet again you have come up trumphs when needed :hugs:
To all of you here, many, many thanks for your overwhelming love and support, because of your words Debs herself has emerged tonight in all her finary :) & talking about pushing her bounderies, she feels she has something to prove, if not to the world, at least to herself :straightface:
Tamara you could well be right :D
She is feeling a little better tonight:)
Debs and Sheila, I'm so sorry to hear that this has happened. :hugs::hugs:
Debs, you have just as much a right to be who you are as anybody else. Don't forget that ever. These kids are being jerks because they lack understanding and caring. Hold your head high. :hugs::hugs:
I feel much more confident and self assured as a woman than I ever did in my male role. As a male I just seemed to be more or less invisable.....staying on the sidelines rather than the join in. Now you can't shut me up or keep me out..lol
That isn't to say that I dont have my moments of self doubt as we all do, but I find that they are fewer and father apart than ever before. Keep the faith, and just ignore the ignorant types...
:hugs:
Kelly
First :hugs: for the second half of the Pop-Tart package
You bring up a point that makes a great argument about why this isn't always a choice for us. Why would we want to put ourselves through all this? We would never choose to be derided or mocked as a choice of lifestyle. If we were to choose we would be the one who all the people in town looked up to, the aspiration of the world. Things like that aren't choices either. Remember "some people are born to greatness others have it thrust upon them."? (some longhaired Englishman said that I believe).
So anyway, you work with what you have. It sounds like the "lads" were seeing how you would react. Most likely they will tire of it soon and go about stealing hubcaps off the Bentleys in your neighborhood. Congratulations you've been chided and teased, just 40 years later than the girls on the playground. Take your cue from WWSD (What would Sheila do), you cannot have a greater role model than that. You are the new kid in town. Like the song says, they'll move on and not even know your around soon enough.
Ok now chest bump and gimme five on the down low. Is that enough macho bonding for today? Great....let's get a drink
Debs, Tamara has said the sort of thing that I tried to say when I likened the happening to "toy".
I did not manage to add in the fact that they grow fed up and forget about their "toys". Tamara did
~Samm
Ps I mean that Tamara did say it, I did not mean that she tired of her toys.
~S~
Hi Deborah,
To continue a previous conversation...
We have been talking about integrating the male and female into a viable whole.
And Arianna has pointed out that the process of getting in touch with, developing and integrating the Male and Female aspects functions as a cross- validation. I'll add that In the end, the whole is stronger. (this is not a model for TX as I understand it)
I have said elsewhere, ".....In my experience, I have not given up one single practical masculine trait by [developing and] allowing Her to exist. I have merely added to my options to express myself....."
This is a time to stand your ground, for your Alpha male to come to the fore. Time for your buddy/him , the one who brought both of you this far, to step up to bat. "<smile>Don't worry Sweetie, just relax a little while, I'll take care of this".
As to what course to take, you and Sheila will figure out what is best, as you have all the required information at hand to make that determination.
This event can be seen as a practical exercise... an opportunity to validate and develop an integrated self with fully functional separate parts. It's possible, and for me was the only way.
I have mentioned to you that I am a faux alpha male, but I didn't get this far without being tough as nails, and I don't think you did either. If I was in your situation, as I hate bullies, my attitude would be, "What we have here are some punks that need an attitude correction", and I would handle it the same way I would if I happened to be on the street in drab and saw some bullies picking on a CD/TG.
So stand your ground with the right attitude and deal with the circumstances as required. And then give Debs a present!
dd
Thanks to everybody for your advice and thoughts :)
Sheila and I have come this far together and we ain't stepping down now!!!!
We have both just been out around an estate [with me presenting as Debs]....We walked about a quarter of a mile and during our walk saw two groups of kids, neither group took the slightest notice of us :)
Onwards and upwards :) Debs
Yea!
Debs and Sheila, hang in there together and keep your heads up. You will be fine.
I'm glad you're doing better. We all have our moments. Hopefully, they pass.