Friends outing you

To those of you that have had horrible repercussions from being outed, my heart goes out to you. I hope it only makes you stronger in the end.

The only person that "officially" knows is my wife. A bunch of friends have seen me dressed on two different Halloweens, but they all thought it was just a costume and that was it.

If my friends have seen my flickr page, which I show my face and I'm fully dressed, then they know. But no one has said anything to me (yet). If they do, then I will come clean with them.

I was "out" to my late wife from before we were married until she passed away 4 years ago. But she was the only one I ever told, until this year when I told my daughter! She is "cool" with it as long as I don't get too "''girly" around her or the grandchildren, No skirts or dresses!!:sad:

The funny thind that my wife and I used to go our with close friends as two girls. I was my wife's cousin Stephanie! My wife did such a good job with my wig and my makeup that no one ever guessed that I wasn't really a GG! And these were people we had known for years!

If I had a so-called friend "out" me like has been told on here, that person definitely would no longer be considered a friend! With friends like that. who needs enemys?

So far I've never been outed that I know of ... at least, no one's ever asked me "How come you never told me you were a crossdresser?"
Still, one might heed the words of Benjamin Franklin: "Three people can keep a secret, if two of them are dead."

Remember.......once you tell someone your secret........its not a secret anymore.

Unfortunately the info is theirs to do with whatever they wish.

My friends have told people, then tell me who afterward so I know who knows. I have not had one negative experience, all the responces I get are so encouraging it makes my goal to be full time seem more real.

It seems like she felt she had something to use against you, wanted to hurt you. Funny how people who are wrong for us tend to work themselves out of our lives.

I have in the past, used my cd'ing secret to see if I could trust the person I told. If you don't want to come out, and the person you tell outs you, you can just deny that you ever told the person anything. I have been lucky in that the three people I've told did keep the secret. (as far as i'm aware of).
Addendum; I am close to the point where I don't care if this part of my life gets out. I'm getting tired of hiding it if you know what I mean

I wanted freedom so I told everyone. I guess what I am trying to say is if we want acceptance then we have to accept ourselves first. I have noticed some things since I came out. 1. I no longer feel guilty about my dressing. 2. My stress levels are way,way down for I have nothing to hide anymore. 3. I now can dress whenever I want and don't have to be worried about anyone finding out.

I first told my wife...it had its ups and downs.


Thanks to this wonderful medium the internet...we find out that we are not the only crossdresser in the world. At about age 56 or so I decided to tell my older brother. It went ok! I then decided...who gives a hoot. We are just people, most of us are very nice people, so I tell whoever I want to know.

I told lots of relatives. I told my nurse at work. We had fun with that for years, She had good taste. I can't hide, don't want to hide. If I was confronted in the paper I would stand and say YES!!

When I get my hair done, "buy a new wig", I usually tell the young woman that it is for me. Most GG are interested. I could go on and on!

Bottom line! TRY TO CULTIVATE THE ATTITUDE THAT YOU CAN'T BE EMBARASED!


[SIZE="3"]Ok, people know, but I don't flaunt it[/SIZE]

I was very much in the closet (though I was consitering inching out) when I met my current SO. THe only time I would go out was at Haoloween. Well,, we hooked up on Haloween as I was Sara Palin, and I did tell her that night that this was a CD, but I was not really out about it.
Well anyway, as we grew together she asked the "usual questions", I showed her the stuff in my closet, and she started letting me try on her old things.
Well, we were so comfortable with it all, it didn't occur to her that I could be "in" and she told everyone she knows. All her freinds, her kids ect. She actually brags about how pretty (she thinks) I am. Yes, I'm her "trophy wife" and she adds that "when she was done with sex, she thought about going "lez-box" (whater that means ;) )
So, in summery, Yes my SO outs me all the time, BUT she does it because she's proud, not to hurt me.

Eww. Sex with Sarah Palin mental image. Good Halloween choice!

Marissa Anne

I have never revealed my CDing to anyone, although my ex did figure it out recently on a visit. Things seemed okay for about a year or more, until the freindship went for a dive. Then - she was on the phone and actively assassinating my character - and spreading word about my private past-time. So far it seems that absolutely nothing has come of it - but the incident put the axe into the last bits of our friendship.

Probably just as well.

I've read some very good advice in this thread, and knowing that there's such an enormous resource and degree of support available is comforting. I didn't start this thread, but in reading everyone's response, I wish to add "Thank You" for myself.

Alannah

I have only trusted the wrong person once in my life and that was with my ex-wife. After 15 years of marriage she decided she did not want any part of my cd'ing anymore and we began to grow distant from each other. After 8 years of rejection I filed for divorce. During the divorce she outed me to my entire family and all of our friends. I was betrayed by the one person whom I thought I could trust with my most intimate secret. I was so wrong!

i have never trusted anyone with the whole truth , only parts and bits , cya has ben my my rule to live by

thank you everyone iv talked to my so about it and weve decided to just keep it between the two of us for now and see what the future brings.

My wife "discovered" my secret and I'm certain she hasn't told anyone. Mostly because she can't even talk to me about it! I've also shared my secret with a GG friend in another city. I guess the distance keeps it safer in my mind. BTW, my GG friend also told me her big secret as well. I really think that shows trust in our relationship as friends. Better than the wife it would seem.

I guess that is why I stay completely hidden and do not tell anyone. My wife knows but it is a don't ask don't tell.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by lee in a skirt

This has probably being posted before but how many of you have trusted the wrong person which has resulted in you being outed.?

I know i have a few times first in high school i told a girl who then spread it round school.

Then in college it somehow got respread round again.

Then one of my best male mates told me a secret and so i thought i can trust him so i told him.

a few months later this girl who already knew said oh so and so told me that you like going to the gym with him wearing tights.

Who else has been betrayed in this way?

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Lee, I have to say, I think you're playing this all wrong. It sucks that you got outed and that it became an item for gossip, but if it has been a few times, maybe the lesson is to stop treating it like a dark secret and just let it be something people know about you. It sounds like they already do but your reaction of calling it betrayal is basically confirming that it is something you feel ashamed of.

Also, if you're already comfortable enough wearing tights to the gym, maybe he just thought you were open enough with doing so that it wasn't a secret. I mean surely there are other people at the gym when you go with him?

the older you get and the more out you become, the more you realize that most people just don't care---at worst they may think you a litte odd but so what and at best they may find you both attractive and interesting

This is why it is why coming out is so important. No more having to lie, no more wondering who you can trust (no one) no more feeling like what you are doing is bad, dirty, and shameful.

I haven't been betrayed by someone I told but I have had someone spread the word to the whole town just on a speculation. The speculation was right but absolutely one one knew prior to then.

Reading all these posts leaves me with just one question - if we want to keep the fact that we crossdress a secret because we fear the results of disclosure, why in heavens name do we tell anyone?

I ask this question with humility because I too have shared my secret with a few ill chosen gg's and afterwards I always wonder why. I guess the only answer that even comes close to making sense is that in our own way we continue to look for validation and how better than to get that from a person that we long to emulate. Even though I have no desire to "come out" I guess secretly there is nothing that would make me happier than being accepted by "the real thing".

Your thoughts?

My feeling is that a friend today may not be your friend tomorrow. And while a friend might be trusted to keep your secret, that trust would go out the window come the day you're not friends anymore.

So if this must be kept in the closet, make sure that closet has a lock, and you're the only one who has access to the only copy of the key.

To those who have come out to a friend or relative, whether or not it was your choice to do so, understand that some really do need to keep this under wraps for a variety of reasons.

It's tough with a spouse or lover because the issues of trust and disclosure are at play. But again, lovers come and go, and marriages don't necessarily last til death do you part. And then what I said above friends about applies here too.

Karen

Told this widow, from the church, when i was doing yard work. She said she would not tell. Later, she said she let it slip out! A leader gave a short message about the wrongs of cding.

I've told over 50 people at work and no one that I haven't told has come up to me and said, "Is it true you're a cross-dresser?"

It's bound to happen. It was funny last night I was out as Tracy with the LGBT group from work and there was somebody new there that I knew. And she looks right at me as says, "should I know you?" I said, "probably!" lol

It will probably be out at work after this Halloween though...

-Tracy

Quote:

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Originally Posted by lee in a skirt

This has probably being posted before but how many of you have trusted the wrong person which has resulted in you being outed.?

I know i have a few times first in high school i told a girl who then spread it round school.

Then in college it somehow got respread round again.

Then one of my best male mates told me a secret and so i thought i can trust him so i told him.

a few months later this girl who already knew said oh so and so told me that you like going to the gym with him wearing tights.

Who else has been betrayed in this way?

---

Wow...I'm sorry, that really stinks :(

This is actually one of my biggest fears and the reason I can't even come clean to my SO. I always feel I can't trust anyone with my secret...such a lonely second life....sigh....

A rumor got spread around a bunch of people I know once a long time ago about me dressing. What really annoyed me was that no one asked me about it, they just all accepted it to be true. That is one of my main reason for not wanting anything to do with those people anymore. They would do that often, spread rumors. That was the first one about me (that I know of anyway). Eventually someone told me about it, they didn't ask if it was true though. I would have felt better about it if someone had just questioned it first.

I hadn't told any of them, my mom found my stash and some of it was my cousins, from there people started talking.