I tried to reply to this earlier, from my phone, but wasnt able to get it to post for whatever reason... Anyway, my take on it is this:
You should, no matter when in the relationship it is, tell her. It is important. Even if she rejects it, and doesnt want to accept it, let her know. It isnt fair to her to find out by finding a stray pic, or some articles of clothing... and let me tell you, if she finds a bra or panty, I think she'll be more inclined to think affair than crossdresser.. Mine, when I finally told her, she was freaked out... Her cousin is gay, and started out crossdressing.. then finally came out that he was gay.. so of coure, she thought "OMG, He's GAY!" Which of course is not true, and of course I reassured her, then she went on the " You want to have the surgery?" and I assured her no.. I just like womesn clothes, the way they look, the way they feel.. the way I feel... I enjoy being feminine, and revelling in it.. BUT, let me assure you, she tolerated it until she realy saw me in a bra, panty, with a little cami top.. the look of sheer disgust was not cool... She was freaked out!.. So I hid again... always underdressing at work, but getting home early enough to change real fast... Then one day I started sneaking into bed in a babydoll, or chemise.. I always got up earler than her, so was pretty easy.. finally one night, she woke up, and saw what I was wearing.. a little white babydoll, with pink polka dots, and LOTS of pink lace.. and pretty lace trimmed pink panties with a little bow on the front.. I had also shaved my legs, chest, and underarms.. MUCH to my surprise, she didnt freak out, she didnt look disgusted, she ran her hand along my side, feeling the fabric against her hand.. up along the spaghetti strap, and gave it a quick tug and SNAP. then she giggled.. and smiled when I said OW!.. then she went back to rubbing my back and sides.. asking if it was an older one, or new.. I told her I've had it a while.. She was really quite cool with it.. I think enough time has passed now, she is realizing, that her fears were unfounded, and yes, even after telling her, I'm still the same MAN she married.. And, more important, that I have always, and still do love her. So, ask permission or forgivness, with this it's a whole lot of both... but regardless, you need to be a MAN, and tell her, upfront and honest.. Be true to her, and she'll be true to you... if that is enough to break it off between you, guess what? She really doesnt have your back, and that means, she really isnt your soul mate dude.. A true friend and partner will have your back no matter WHAT you do, and it's selfish not to let her into all of your secrets and idiosyncrasies.. She already knows about your blowing your nose into your hands in the shower, and the way you scratch your self(DOWN THERE) and then snif your fingers.. if THAT aint enough to break the two of you up, then this should be pretty smooth sailing relatively speaking..
