dating advice please?

Hi Cordgrass, welcome to the forum!! :hugs:

As all the other girls said, just be yourself. You don't need to take on the man's role, but I would suggest treating her as you would treat any other girlfriend when opening doors, going first or not, or dealing with the check. He might not scrutinize everything you wear, but he will have a practiced eye. So I would make sure I am well put together with appropriate accessories in whatever style fits the occasion, whether it be casual or dressy.

Good luck, and let us know how it goes!
:hugs:

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Originally Posted by Shikyo

I'm sure there are. Maybe not all the time but at least at some times they don't find it sexual at all.

I wouldn't say that makes them transsexuals. Myself, I'm transsexual and I think that dressing in sexy clothes(the kind of that one shouldn't be wearing outside the in public) is sexual be it me dressing into them or my wife. So it depends of what I'm wearing and for what purpose.

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Oh, well of course there would be sometimes it's not sexual. I would hope that when CD's go out in public it's not sexual, particularly if there are children around! But can I safely assume that in the privacy of the bedroom, if a CD is dressed in sexy lingerie and wig and makeup, etc., that that will enhance the romantic encounter rather than detract from it?

Reine, thank you. Gosh, I hadn't even thought about the check, that really does complicate things. Of course if I were out with another woman, we would go dutch or take turns. So I should make sure to do that then.

This is so complicated! :) But fun. It has been very eye-opening to browse this forum.

Another question I have--I'm a huge movie buff, in fact I go see movies by myself when I don't have a date. I go at least once a month, sometimes more. If things do work out, I would want to do that. She seems to want to date dressed, but I would imagine that going to a movie theater would just be asking for trouble, there's usually so many fresh teenagers in the audience. We could go to art films at independent cinemas, but still. I suppose if it's a worry he could go in "drab" (I'm picking up the lingo here! :) ).

Hey Cord,

I have to admit, your a cool girl. Now, I'm currently seeing someone who was also looking for a CD, and basically the advice I have to give you is what everyone is saying, be yourself. Now, another thing will be to talk, talk and talk. That's every important. When it comes to those questions, then ask him to see what and how he wants to persuade, cause he might not want to ruin it also and wants to see how comfortable you will be. Therefore talk. Same thing with the movies. If he looks good as a she, then don't worry about the movies and teens. It will all be good.

:)

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Originally Posted by cordgrass

Oh, well of course there would be sometimes it's not sexual. I would hope that when CD's go out in public it's not sexual, particularly if there are children around! But can I safely assume that in the privacy of the bedroom, if a CD is dressed in sexy lingerie and wig and makeup, etc., that that will enhance the romantic encounter rather than detract from it?

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I can't really answer that question as I'm not a crossdresser. There are probably some different feelings depending of the character of the person. I think generally it would be more romantic than less. They like dressing in female clothes, dressing in female clothes that are sexy should be much nicer especially if their girl friend supports them in it. I really don't see why it would have a negative effect, unless you always do the same thing. In that case I could understand it getting kinda boring. Who would want to keep doing the same thing over and over for years?

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This is so complicated! :) But fun. It has been very eye-opening to browse this forum.

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Everything seems complicated at the first sight but when you get into the matter it should become easier. Especially if you are having fun it should happen much faster than with something that you don't really like. *giggles*

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Another question I have--I'm a huge movie buff, in fact I go see movies by myself when I don't have a date. I go at least once a month, sometimes more. If things do work out, I would want to do that. She seems to want to date dressed, but I would imagine that going to a movie theater would just be asking for trouble, there's usually so many fresh teenagers in the audience. We could go to art films at independent cinemas, but still. I suppose if it's a worry he could go in "drab" (I'm picking up the lingo here! :) ).

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This is rather complicated question, to be honest. There are so many factors that would have to be counted for.

- The theater, location and time when you would be going there

- The looks of your partner(sadly, there is a slight difference in how people react depending on the looks)

- The self-confidence your partner has(I think this is much more important than how you look. Being nervous just makes you get more attention more attention will bring you more trouble because people will look closer)

In general, I really don't see any issues with going to movie theater how you two would want to go there. You might get some shouts or something but most people don't keep doing if you just ignore them. Depending how used he is going outside in femme plays a role as well. I don't think a movie theater is a good place to start with something like this. A less crowded place would be much better choice in my opinion. With some experience and confidence there should be no problems going anywhere.

In the end teenagers aren't all that big of a problem. It's usually the groups of teenagers that cause trouble. A single teenager rarely has the courage to do something but being inside a group brings their courage out. They don't want to be ashamed in front of their group, if you know what I mean.

The only advice I can give you is this; Get a stick. Get a big stick. You'll need it to beat all of the ladies here that have been looking for someone just like you. :)

Seriously, dating a crossdresser is just like dating anyone else - find what and who attracts you. Crossdressing is just one part of what makes up who we are. In the end, you don't want to date a crossdresser. You want to date a person with whom you have a connection and a life that meshes with yours. If that person happens to like getting dressed up and pretty - everybody wins!

Kathi

I would say movies are probably one of the safest places to go together. Once you get in the theater, pick a safe place to sit. It's dark once the movie starts, so that shouldn't matter. I as a guy have gone to see movies alone, and would like more friends to be able to agree to see movies with. My best guy friend doesn't even like sitting next to me in the theater unless we have to.

As long as the CD is comfortable going somewhere, you shouldn't worry about it yourself. He is obviously comfortable, so that should give you courage.

Be careful what you do in the theater though. That might give it away. You could probably get away with holding hands at first though. Then work on head on the others shoulder.

[SIZE="2"]Hot dang! Women like you really exist![/SIZE]

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Originally Posted by Treetop Louise

[SIZE="2"]Hot dang! Women like you really exist![/SIZE]

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Why wouldn't girls like that exist?

A looking person will find them. I personally know quite a few of them.

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Originally Posted by Kathi Lake

The only advice I can give you is this; Get a stick. Get a big stick. You'll need it to beat all of the ladies here that have been looking for someone just like you. :)

Seriously, dating a crossdresser is just like dating anyone else - find what and who attracts you. Crossdressing is just one part of what makes up who we are. In the end, you don't want to date a crossdresser. You want to date a person with whom you have a connection and a life that meshes with yours. If that person happens to like getting dressed up and pretty - everybody wins!

Kathi

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True, I don't want to date a crossdresser, I want to date a person whom I have a connection and a life that meshes with mine. I want to have sex with a crossdresser, and if the dating thing works out too then it's a win win! It's a fetish, is that so wrong? :o

I suppose technically I didn't exist until a couple years ago. In fact, several years ago I was at a get-together and a man approached me (in drab) and told me right off the bat that he was a woman in a man's body. I was quite surprised. I wasn't repulsed or anything, I think anybody my age or younger shouldn't be, considering how popular Rocky Horror Picture Show was when I was a teenager, but I wasn't particularly attracted either. But then my tastes changed.

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Originally Posted by Denise Rhodes

Just be yourself Hon. What I've found out from experience (sometimes hard experience) is to build a good friendship first. A solid friendship is unshakable and will withstand things a romance cannot. Take it from a person who found that out the hard way.:)

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Eloquent and accurate.
I would only reveal myself to someone that I felt was a real friend and would be accepting of me.
This forum is full of people that would love to find a supportive understanding GG partner that enjoys their feminine side.
Good luck in your endeavors.
Amanda

Be yourself. Treat her as a woman but get a few dates with him as a man. You will want a man as your SO and one that shows the feminine side may be exactly what you want. No special treatment other than allowing him to dress and with long term buying her some clothes. He/she could be your lover/bestfriend or not what you expect.
PS I grew up in Boston, where were you 50 yrs ago

I think he's lost interest. :sad:

Why do you say that? Of course, if he has, that's part of life and move on. If you think there's still a potential relationship there, pursue it. :)

I would take it slow. The more you like each other, the slower you should take it. Like others said, be friends first, talk openly, share stories. I too would like to have someone who was intellectually compatible, and positive. Good luck.

Laura

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Originally Posted by cordgrass

I think he's lost interest. :sad:

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Hi Cord,
Do you mean he lost interest in you, or CD related stuff?
If you have discussed your common interest he may have backed away because he feels insecure bringing it out in the open.
I dated a girl in high school that wanted me to come over and let her wash/set/style my hair and put makeup me. Dressing up was never mentioned. Unfortunately I never acted upon her request. I don't think she knew anything about my crossdressing and how much I really wanted to take her up on it!
Your friend could really want to share his fem side with you but is afraid to do so.

Lost interest in me. I think over some miscommunication. I think I can fix this, it's a simple misunderstanding. And if not, I am seeing there are plenty of other mermaids in the sea! :D

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Originally Posted by cordgrass

Lost interest in me. I think over some miscommunication. I think I can fix this, it's a simple misunderstanding. And if not, I am seeing there are plenty of other mermaids in the sea! :D

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Hi Cord-you've come a long way in one post! And you're right there are tons of mermaids out there. Just swim along & pluck one out of the sea! :daydreaming:

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Originally Posted by cordgrass

Lost interest in me. I think over some miscommunication. I think I can fix this, it's a simple misunderstanding. And if not, I am seeing there are plenty of other mermaids in the sea! :D

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Stay positive Cord...it'll all work out for you, and as you said, there are plenty of mermaids out there. ;)

*sigh* I can't fix this.

All right, one last silly question. Since I know what I want, I'm going to go places where CDers congregate here in Boston. Is there some kind of etiquette to signal that one is a GG at such places? I don't want to disappoint anybody expecting something extra downstairs. :D I'm assuming showing decolletage, but on the other hand, y'all get pretty tricky with forms! And then there's always those that have gone under the knife.

Why not contact TriEss (a social support group for heterosexual cross dressers and those that support and love them (wives, GF's) and attend their meetings.

Then just be yourself, be selective, know what your looking for in regards to chemistry, personality, makeup (personality wise) That is to say what your looking for in a man that dresses and gets girly from time to time (or all of the time :))

You'll meet those that have accepted themselves as cross dressers, and don't have to go through the whole guilt. denial, "pink fog" purge thing. You'll also meet other GG women who are wives and GF's.

And I'm willing to bet you'll gave a lot of fun in doing so. You'll find them to be respectful of your boundaries and of you. If you don't meet anyone that suits your fancy ~ then you will have established a network ~ and eventually meet a friend of a friend of a friend.

Take your time. Your going to find that cross dressers are just like anyone else. They just have a "girly" side that want and need to express.

I had an old GF ask "Why would a man want to wear a dress?"

Because girls just want to have fun, and being a girl is fun. Getting girly is fun. Shopping and doing things girls do is fun. Dressing up and cross dressing is fun. For many of us it began as playing dress up and pretend.

Simply put? Once you actively join the "community" you'll find what your looking for.

As with any relationship ~ take it slow in becoming intimate. The sooner you become intimate is proportionate to how long the relationship lasts. That is to say take the time to get to know ~ truly know one another as people, persons and individuals. Don't neglect the mental, pyschological, emotional at the cost of the intellectual.

Remember your a GG and as such you need a lasting emotional connection for a relationship to truly work and last.

And all the more as such you need to seek someone who can meet your needs in the traditional male mode, (as you've described the one CD you've been in contact with ~ handsome, well educated ~" as my Mother would say a catch") Don't neglect that part. You may be open to being in a relationshp with a CD'er, but your brain is hardwired and you've been socially and culturaly conditioned all of your life to seek out masculine traits, (fixes things, stomp on spiders, etc.)

:2c:

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Originally Posted by cordgrass

*sigh* I can't fix this.

All right, one last silly question. Since I know what I want, I'm going to go places where CDers congregate here in Boston. Is there some kind of etiquette to signal that one is a GG at such places? I don't want to disappoint anybody expecting something extra downstairs. :D I'm assuming showing decolletage, but on the other hand, y'all get pretty tricky with forms! And then there's always those that have gone under the knife.

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Décolletage does indeed help. Yes, some of us (not me - I'm too bloody skinny!) do have enough excess "material" that we can push and mold into place to make realistic-enough looking breasts, but after a quick glance, you'll just know. Also, if you spend five minutes in a place like that, it will become quite obvious who's who. All of the men will instinctually pick upon the fact that you're an actual woman. As a woman, you'll know pretty quickly who are the actual genetic girls. Sure, some people here can indeed pull it off (some people that are definitely not me), but there are enough non-visual cues that occasionally spoil the illusion.

At any rate, you owe yourself a trip to one of these places even if only to "test the waters" and see how the other half lives. Sorry it didn't work out with your fist choice.

Kathi

Cordgrass, most times it is the voice that gives it away.

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Originally Posted by cordgrass

... I'm assuming showing decolletage ...

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Not too much. Less is more, but that is my taste. :)

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Originally Posted by ReineD

Cordgrass, most times it is the voice that gives it away.

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Well you've heard my voice, you know that's not exactly conclusive. :o

Fixing things really would be nice. I like my financial independence, but you are right, having someone who knows how to use a wrench would be awfully appealing!

A hint of decolletage then. I'm pretty well-upholstered, going for the full Wonderbra effect is rather eyepopping! :heehee:

TriEss is rather far away from Boston, and there are more local groups here in the city. But thank you for the suggestion!

[QUOTE=cordgrass;1984765]But can I safely assume that in the privacy of the bedroom, if a CD is dressed in sexy lingerie and wig and makeup, etc., that that will enhance the romantic encounter rather than detract from it?
QUOTE]

If I was with you, while in public, I would say that I'd prefer that you not worry so much about it (sex). Now, when in pricate, I think that the best way to find the answers to your questions is to ask him the questions. As you can tell, we've all thought about it and we all have a slightly different take on what we'd like. For my sake, I really like the idea of talking about what is or is not something I'd like in bed. Talking about what you each like is a great way to start the experiment.

Again, if it was me with you, I'd encourage you to touch me through my lingerie. There's no better sensation I've ever felt. As a matter of fact, I'd recommend that he might just like whatever you like once you get to the bedroom. Talk about it and see what happens.

Good luck and have fun.