Do You Have The Courage...

Thank you for a wonderfully thought provoking thread Melissa.

It all comes down to simple honesty. Are we honest with ourselves? Are we honest with others? Of course honesty must be somewhat tempered with reason, how many men have regretted giving an honest answer to the question, "Does this make my butt look bigger?"
It takes courage to be honest, a lie often is the easiest way out of a situation but will often return to haunt one.

I appreciate all of the thoughtful input to this topic. I know that it is a challenge to make changes, especially in this area.

I want to wish you all great courage in 2010.

Huggs
Melissa

Hi Melissa,

I'm really glad that you shared your experience with us and that - in your case - everything went well for you.

Please do not take the following remarks as any sort of criticism or indeed anything other than my personal musings.

I am amongst those who say that - at the moment - I could not do what my heart most desires and for me that is true.

You encourage us to be true to ourselves, but who we are is made up of more than just one aspect of our lives - however important.

Who I am precludes me from taking any action that would destroy the life and beliefs of my father. At 87 he is incapable of coming to terms with my true nature, he cannot understand transgendered people and it would shatter him completely if I were to come out to him.

Should I be true to my transgender, or should I be true to that part of myself that loves and cherishes him and would not want to cause him pain and anguish in his later years?

Who I am precludes me from doing anything that would destroy the life and career of one of my close friends. Should I be true to my transgender and come out in public knowing that my enemies would use that to destroy my friend? Or should I be true to that part of me that holds dear the principle of "do nothing that you know will cause harm to others"?

I have a very small group of close personal friends who are my friends because of who I am not because of what they can get out of me. They tell me that one of the things that they like about me is that I have the courage to do what I know is right for others even when it costs me personally.

If I go ahead and follow my heart's desire, it will cause anguish to some and positive harm to others. Will I be being true to myself because I know that I am transgendered, or will I be betraying that aspect of myself which does what is right for others?

If being true to myself means destroying that which has made me who I am, to whom will I be true?

I don't have the answers right now, except to say that I cannot go full steam ahead as I would like because it would cause harm to those around me.

Hi Melissacd, I'm one of those people who have never came out. The only one that know I crossdress is my wife and the cd forum. There are many, many reasons why one cannot just come out. You could lose your marraige along with the house, kids, job etc. Yes I want to be myself, but I have to think about the what I could possibly loose. Each person has to decide what they are willing to give up before they decide to be themselves. Everyday, people go to work and have to decide it they have the courage to tell the boss to kiss it or wait until they are in the right position to do it. To some, its never the right time. Dose that make any sense to anyone?