Congratulations. I'm glad it went so well.
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Congratulations. I'm glad it went so well.
Awesome! Just awesome. I could learn something with your whole approach to this. It's not just having the answers to her questions but the confidence you seemed to have in answering those questions. Congratulations! I don't know how it will eventually unfold for me but you have inspired me.
That is wonderful! Now you can check that resolution off and just spend the time enjoying yourselves. :bighug2:
Yay for Kristin & her wife!!
You seem very smart Kristin, and you have thought this through very well. Kudos!!
One things I am wondering about which Carol mentioned. Is there anyone else you are willing to tell or have know so your wife can talk with someone else?
Everything else seems to be going well and I am looking forward to your future post after the girls get to meet!!
Glad it all went well :)
As others have said just be prepared for her to have off days when she doesn't want to have anything to do with the cding, it doesn't mean she gone off the idea but needs to maybe sort things out in her head. Try and answer anymore questons she has as honestly as you can, let her know that she can ask anything and not to be scared of asking just because she thinks it may hurt your feelings, (I did this and it caused alot of problems)
Enjoy the exciting things that you can both do together and have fun.
I'm glad sharing my story was inspiring to you. To be completely honest: I don't know why, but if she hadn't had gone out of town and I hadn't had the opportunity to dress and spend time with you all on the forum for 4 consecutive days I don't think I would have the confidence that I did while talking to her and that I do now. Its almost like just in those four active days in girl mode I evolved and really took it to the next level of comfort ability.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spacey
I almost started rambling again, hehe :heehee: I'm sure things will work out and unfold fantastically for you eventually. :hugs:
Yeah Carol brought to light something I did not think about. Right now I'm not sure if there is anyone else I could tell that would give my wife someone close to us someone to talk to :/Quote:
Originally Posted by Daniela76
Thanks Sandra :) And that is an amazing piece of advice that I wish I had had figured out a long time ago...Quote:
Originally Posted by Sandra
Just one word of advice from someone who just told their wife 3 months ago--COMMUNICATION!! Keep talking and don't get discouraged when you hit some bumps in the road. Take care and best of luck!
Hi Kristin
Congratulations , I am so happy for you and your understanding wife , and I would agree with what the others have said about keeping an open and honest dialog going on the subject and don't forget to be her man too.
Best of luck to you.
Tomara
Hi ! You did a nice job on the way you went about telling her.
Let me put my 2 cents worth in okay? In my opinion, you want to proceed slowly in the way that would make her more comfortable. As an example, if you see a woman on a television show you might want to make a mention how much you like that style of dress/skirt/jacket etc. on HER. Notice I said on her, not on you. Often a woman will then say something like, "would you wear that" or " what style do you like", something like that. In other words, you start the conversation AND let her continue it. I am a salesman in my "other life" and believe me it is a very effective way to "lead" a conversation in the way YOU want it to go. Again, start it and then be QUIET. Good luck dear !!!
That's probably pretty good advice as I was also thinking about that. Thank you for reassuring my presumptions.Quote:
Originally Posted by maturegirlrobin
And wow were you right Carol. I asked her last night how she was feeling about everything so far (we hadn't really talked since Monday). I brought up her having someone to talk to and sure enough it has been very, very hard on her not having anyone to talk to. We have a mutual friend back home up north that I told her I wouldn't care if she talked to, but she said that she feels she can't even talk to her. Anyway, we kept on talking, she cried a little more. She didn't want to talk to me about not having someone to talk to so I ended the conversation making her promise to talk to me in the future about her feelings.
This is certainly going to be a long, complicated and interesting road. Thank you all again for your support and caring :hugs:
Why not tell her about the FAB forum we have here. It's private and we help and support each other.
Reading your story actually brought tears to my eyes. What a wonderful story and a beginning to a whole new chapter of your lives together. It will certainly redefine your relationship in a very positive way. As you told your wife, you both knew your relationship as it had been in the past, but now it just changed, and you both will be building on your past relationship with this new part of your life.
You have been very honest, trusting, and open with your wife and bared your soul to her and I suspect those are strong attributes you have to build your relationship with her with in the future. I suspect your wife recognizes that by her reaction and things she said. As with anything that is worthwhile, there will be challenges, but I think you both have something special.
Congratulations to you both . Its such a relief , the burden of secrecy gone ....I applaud you both . This is a new exciting time for the both of you , so celebrate , have fun and grow happily together . I remember the first time I sat down with my wife dressed ....the moment of sitting there eating together was so intense . We then played board games ...trying to to calm the moment ....
Enjoy each and every moment ....good luck xxx
...and thrusted squarely onto her shoulders.Quote:
Originally Posted by KristinSkye
Not saying you did anything wrong! Quite the opposite!
Just want to point out that when the weight comes off, it doesn't just disappear. Your wife is undergoing a lot of stress because of this, and it's going to take a long, long time to digest. Don't make assumptions, and don't overwhelm her.
You did the RIGHT thing, but keep on doing the right thing!
Its always good to hear about a successful "coming out". As others have said, there may be some bumps, but this was really good.
When I came out to my (then) gf (now wife) we talked it through...but I didn't have the forethought to list out answers to likely questions - its harder to do extemporaneously! anyway, we reached a similar place, and after 10 years of marriage, I can comfortabley dress to whatever degree I want in her presence. And she accepts and enjoys me in the bedroom as well.
Awesome that you've taken the first step. Just remember it doesn't get easier from here. My girl really doesn't have anyone to talk to either. I've made sure to not press how often I dress for the past few years. But now she's pushing me to dress more often. Keep the focus oh her and always be open to hearing her out.
Best of luck!
Kasha
Wow, Kristin, that is great news to hear. You are a lucky girl.
Congratulations and - a little warning - be patient with your dressing in front of her. I think she could have a setback in acceptance as she gets the idea that she looses her man.
Jolanda
Great for you and a good job. It was good that you were prepared and had practice what to say. It seems like everything turned for the best and I do hope that this year will be everything that want and need. Sometimes and many times it is our fears that keep us from telling the truth and being honest with ourselves and other. We do need to be careful with what we say and do with some people, not everyone will as accepting.
That's is very good news. I don't have a wife or a girl friend right now ( working on that ) but it is one of the hardest things to tell a loved one. Me when I first start dating a girl on the 2nd or 3rd date I will tell them about it. I have never had a bad response and it all was fine just no long lasting one..... Yet. Keep the lines of communcations open and I feel your wife will be your biggest support and best girl friend. Just make sure she knows you will not leave her for (anyone) women or man ever. You may look at other women but make sure she knows why you look. Have fun and make sure you introduce her to all of us here. We will welcome her with open arms and a big kisses.
Hi Kristin,
I'm really happy that my wife Marla's thread has helped you :). Equally, the moderators here that have made it a sticky ... kudos to you!Quote:
Originally Posted by KristinSkye
I'm so sorry I'm so late in contributing to this thread but believe me when I say that I am super duper happy that you and your wife seem to have come to an understanding about your CDing. If you and your wife can get to a place where there is no fear or lack of understanding then I can tell you, from personal experience, that there is a real chance that it will bring you closer together because when you share such intimate and personal details between one another, providing the security is there (she doesn't feel threatened by it) there's every chance that this could be the beginning of something really wonderful between you. I absolutely know my crossdressing has brought me and my wife closer together.
Take care and good luck,
Hugs
Rachel
Yes, my advice is to keep the communication lines as open as possible. Trust is so important here. Even though I knew about my husband's CDing from the start, over time he began to become more secretive about it, because we just weren't talking about it. I have never tried to make him feel that his need was shameful (although he downplayed it from a need to an "interest"), but he still felt, for one reason or another, a little embarassed about it. He withheld his membership to this site from me for over a year which hurt me very, very much, to know that he would not come to me with some of the thoughts that were on his mind. For example, I never heard him refer to himself as a girl..I still think he is having trouble expressing himself (something I hope to work on with him). He told me that he would even give it up for me..but of course, I would never ask him to do that, because I love him..all of him..and your wife loves ALL of you too, so please, don't hold yourself back. Because of my pain about him hiding his membership to this site from me, we had a four hour conversation, which turned out to be about CDing as well as some other intimate issues we needed to discuss. We both needed to communicate more..and we feel so much closer as a result. Be mindful of not shutting her out subconciously..let her know what is on your mind..but also be mindful that she may take some time to feel comfortable with the idea, and may still be hurting over the secrecy. It helped that my husband apologized to me for being secretive and acknowledged why I would be hurt by that. He let me cry and scream and even say a few not so nice things. He also assured me that I wasn't going to lose my man, which was an underlying fear of mine. We talked about his coming out to himself years ago, which he never shared with me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicole Marie
Love and communication are key to a long lasting and loving relationship. I congratulate you for taking the next step and wish you much happiness and fulfillment ahead!
Hey Rachel, I didn't realize that Marla was your wife, you've got a keeper there for sure :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachel Morley
Seriously though without her insightful and well organized post I really doubt I would have came out so early in 2010 as I did. Being prepared for the conversation made every difference in the world and Marla was not only spot on as to what questions and reactions would immediately arise, but also the advice on how to handle myself and interact with my wife during the talk was fantastic.
First off let me say your husband is lucky to have you.Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyWife42
Luckily for me I feel very confident that my wife feels the same way towards me as you do towards your husband. Even though it was tough on her at first (she also had some pretty bad crying fits in the first week) she has been absolutely wonderful and understanding.
I've been letting her bring it up since I came out in the first week of January and so far we have had very lengthy, open, understanding and insightful talks once a week. In fact she brought it up last night and we talked for about two hours.
Tonight is an exciting night for me, because she promised me last night that I could show her 1-2 pictures of me dressed tonight. I know this is a huge step for her, because since I've told her a month ago she has had absolutely no visual exposure to my CDing. She also said last night that this is step 1 of 3 that she wants to go through to get accustomed to seeing me en femme.
The next weekend that she has all weekend off she's going to let me know on that Friday before she gets off work that she is ready and she wants to see me in my casual wear. Just a bra, panties, lounge pants and tank top (no makeup, wig, heels, etc). Then on Saturday or Sunday she's going to let me know when she's ready and she'll tell me to go all out and dress.
There's so much more I know I'm excluding about how awesome shes being about the whole thing, but I'm just so excited about that weekend I can't remember :P