A Fetish, but why a secret????

as a closet dresser, i find i have keep this secret so well the its like breathing and i do it with out even thinking about it , now i have shaired it with all of you but thats in the cyber world not the real world , in the real world i have talked with only one gg about my dressing to any real degree and at the time i was shaking so bad and could not stop (like in shock) she was suportive and great about all tha,t we talked about but it took so much effert from me to talk out loud about somthing i have hiden for so long and so deep, i was so drained after , took me a week just to bring myself to feel NORMAL, but i also was right back in to secret mode (breathing ) i had to realy think and try hard to keep the open discusion we had going ( i failed ) and she moved on found a bf that could stay open , im not made at her at all it was me and only my falt,
see how far you can get with out breathing , lol its like walking in to a fart storm the trick is knowing when to breath

just my take

try not to be to hard on him he is just a guy after all , but if you want roll up a news paper and smack him on the nose and say bad boy bad boy if it will make you feel better ok

Because I was always ambivalent about cross dressing, thrilled by the feel of the clothes, but loathing myself for being queer, it has always been essential for me to have a dominant woman who can make me be a girly-boy. Her verbal humiliation, being shown to her friends for their sport, the forced service of real men, which I do not enjoy, all done while she laughs at me, are all part of my life as a fem.

I can feel the hurt and resentment in your message, and I'm sure you have lost some sleep over this issue.

Let me share a few thoughts with you from my own perspective, for what it's worth. I'm in the basement office, writing this note, and my GG SO is upstairs. She knows nothing of my CD urges, AND I love her with all of my heart. I'm typing this note, but I have no desire to be dishonest or to hurt her. This part of my life is private, that's all.

The reason I keep the secret says more about me than about her. I'm too shy and insecure to come out and tell her about it. I'm scared and a bit ashamed, to be honest. I expect that many of us feel the same way. She has given me no reason to think that she would be unsupportive, but I'm still scared.

Another thought...in some ways CDing is exciting because it's a secret. Speaking just for myself, if it were a normal accepted part of our lifestyle it would lose a lot of zing. At the risk of psychoanalyzing myself, in the context of my life CDing is naughty, secretive and dangerous. That makes it especially erotic.

So, I hope that this helps understand that being secretive might not reflect upon you at all. Your husband may love you and trust you and still elect to keep a few things to himself.

Heidi

P.S. You are SO COOL for accepting his dressing!

It's funny I've long had a BDSM 'bent'. In my 'pre Lisa' days I was (and at times still am) very dominant.

Now my wife and I (who now knows all about Lisa) have some many 'interesting times' together.

But I find that Lisa wants to be submissive (at times) ... so we have a whole new set of games to play together:)

I think the proportions of TG's that are into BDSM are the same as for all sexes*. My experience was interesting, when I was in the 'scene' many moons ago .. the women who were into it (dom or sub) tended to be more intelligent than the average.

As for betrayal .... maybe, maybe not .. perhaps 'not telling' maybe be more accurate. Possibly if he had not been discovered then he might have told you in the future .. who knows.

* With one exception, the 'forced to be a woman/sissy/etc' scenario, but I don't actually think that's BDSM, rather another way of becoming a woman (forced to do what you want ...dress, go out, etc).

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BrianaMarie

Girls, I’m very confused and need your insight, I also need to vent. U


Just recently I found out about a BDSM site that she was on. A lifestyle site on which she had an active user profile and online friends from the area, that I knew nothing about. I was floored and extremely hurt. I’ve known that there was a submissive side to her, dressed or not. We discussed this fetish and I’m perfectly fine and content with it and more than willing to participate, role play, etc. What I’m not fine with is yet another secret. How many more secrets are there? If there is indeed nothing more to it than a simple fetish/fantasy (that I ALREADY knew about) then why the secret? My conclusion is because it is deeper than she can or is willing to admit. Is it really more than I could handle? Or am I simply not enough? Is there an overwhelming need (just as there is an overwhelming need/desire to CD) to be with someone else to satisfy the fantasies? I thought we had full disclosure, so then why this part that couldn’t be shared? I was extremely hurt that there was an aspect of this lifestyle that was kept secret from me especially after all the discussion. If it isn’t a “BIG” deal, or isn’t needed and there’s not more than meets the eye then what’s the big deal about disclosing and telling me about it? I am pretty sure that there is a reluctance to discuss the detail of certain happenings, online activity, outings, friends and sexual fantasies and maybe even the extent of the desires that drive the entire CD’ing euphoria to a higher level.

After venting, I guess my question to all of you is, how prevalent is the desire to be submissive or dominant that goes along with CD’ing? Do most of you find that it’s a need that must be met as well? Is it more than just a fantasy but possibly a sexual way of life if you are to feel completely satisfied? I’m extremely curious.

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Hi Briana Marie. Your post just inspired me to post my story under the thread appropriate for telling our story. It is very long, but takes me from the earliest days of my cross dressing and why I think I am one, up to a low point in my life when I wrote the story. It may give yo a little incite as to the how's and why's of a male cross dresser that later in life discovered his need and desire to submit to a woman. It's under the thread called Writers ( I think)

I'm sorry to hear all that BrianaMarie.
I don't think there is 1 answer to this. People are all unique, no matter if they cd or not.
If I look at myself, the choice to cd is in no way related to my sexual needs. I am a bit submissive, but that's just how I am, no matter if I'm in my female or male personality. And I have nothing with BDSM. So to be honest, I think it is a completely different chapter that also happens to be a part of her. Have you been able to discuss it already?