CD, self indulgent and addiction

I can understand the issue that your wife is bringing up, and many of it is the culture that we all grow up in...I may be around the world from you, but we have the same basic teachings and family values that many cannot understand. This is a statement more towards recreational drug/alcohol use, and just the cd words are added in. CD'ing is not a form of self indulgent behavior...it is an expression of the personality that one has. Maybe you should sit down with her, and explain how Linda is a part of your persona, and even in drab dress, Linda is still there, helping to make your decisions. I know that Maria is part of me, and my wife understands that now. Hope this helps

She could be right, but for the wrong reason. Yes, you may desire to dress more, maybe to complete transition. Not because you're feeding the addiction, but because that's how you identify, express yourself, and feel comfortable with. If that's why you dress, her agrument may be valid.
I dress because it's exciting, even sexually arousing, as for many cd's. It's always been a part-time thing, and always will be. I love getting transformed and spending a few hours made up and dressed up, but eventually back to all guy stuff. If this is why you dress, her argument is invalid.

If you can't function if you are not dressed then it is a problem. If you can't have a relationship because of dressing. If you can't think of anything but dressing then you need help. Your wife will not want you to "collect" anything, or have an interest she don't approve of.

Em

My EX said the goal for me was to "throw my cookies" if I even touched a article of women clothing in a store......WHATEVER!

Em

my Dressing has got more and more regular through the years BUT the urge to transition hasn't even entered my mind,I think your wife is barking up the wrong tree here,Unless the desire has been strong within you to transition,then i dont think Crossdressing alone can lead to It,I may be wrong but thats my thoughts on this

:hugs:Sophie xx

Hello Linda!
What your wife (and my wife for that matter) is missing is that we are transgendered to some degree or we would not be dressing in the first place. What is not normal for her, is very normal and necessary for us. To tell you just to stop dressing and stop the addiction is incorrect. You are in fact being yourself. If changing genders from being a male is what you want to do, and you end up doing it, it is still you being you.

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My spouse is against my CD and she offers this reason to get me to stop.

CD is a form of self indulgent behavior and the crave waxes and wanes with time. If we try to control the urge and prevent it to peak, one can control it. If we allow ourselves to indulge, It will turn into an addiction. Eventually, it will be CD 24/7, then TS and catastrophic changes will result.

I am unsure if that's valid.

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Well, my feeling is CDing is from birth, just like I believe gays are born gay. My SO was a CD from a very young age, he was sexual with it at a very young age, so in this aspect I do not believe it is self indulgant. I do not think it is learned behavior. I think it is a natural state of "being" for a CDer to want to dress! It is a part of there make up so to speak. I also think that purging and denial is from this natural state being forced down from non acceptance and fear of rejection from society (social stigma), friends and family. I believe your GG and I don't know the whole story here so I'm going with my gut, is in fear mode, control mode, maybe ignorant mode because she doesn't know enough yet, like I said I don't know the whole story. But maybe if she could come and learn more it would help things and help her to understand more of what is happening to her and you.

My brother is gay, he can't change that in himself, I watched him for years have women by his side to make everyone think he was a normal male, one of his crazy partners threathened to out him to our family, fortunatly, I was able to stop this at impasse, he finally told me everything and it was our secret for 4 years until he finally came out to my family, he lived a miserable existance all his life because of his own confusion and acceptance of himself let alone anyone else, he was so unhappy, it saddens me to this day to think of all the time (years) he spent alone and in secret, my family accepted all of it, we loved him always, he was just so scared of the rejection that may have come, but in the end love endured! I still remeber the first time he kissed a male in front of me when we lived together, I knew he was gay, we were best friends, but when I actually saw this it freaked me out, it didn't last long though and I made sure he never knew it. It was like that with my SO when I first saw him dressed, it was the same feeling, but it also didn't last long, and I also made sure he didn't know it. I always believe even through the toughest and most painful of times love endures all, if it doesn't it wasn't love to start with!

I'm also a recovering addict and alcoholic for 24 years, I see no addiction process with CDing, in addiction we end up in jails, instutions or death if we don't recover, I don't see CDers out in blackouts driving cars, in drunk fights, killing people, beating women, etc.. now I'm not purposing here that a CDer can't be a drunk and drug addict and be a CDer, I'm saying that I don't see CDing as an addiction per say in itself! I believe that the CDer urges are more frequent and stronger when they are put in a position of not being able to express themselves freely as who they really are inside. If they are free to be who they are 24/7 it may move forward into something else nobody knows that and yes, every CDer is different on their personal journey in life to be free to be who they are, some will move forward, some will be happy where their at!

I hope you and your SO will find your way together one day, just never give up being who you were truly meant to be, hugs, mygirlsgirl:)

For the self indulgent part...guilty as charged. For the rest, not so much.

Hi Linda,

Well much of what could happen in the future is entirely down to you, if you have an addictive personality they you may become addicted to crossdressing more and more, just like with any vice that you may become involved with, the usual suspects are smoking, drinking and drugs. But if you feel that you know yourself well enough to keep your crossdressing under control or atleast to a level that your wife finds acceptable you kinda owe it to yourself to give it a try...and maybe you and your wife could figure out some ground rules for you to abide by.

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Originally Posted by Emily Ann Brown

My EX said the goal for me was to "throw my cookies" if I even touched a article of women clothing in a store......WHATEVER!

Em

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I would have gotten a bag of cookies & carried it around- "just doing what you told me" :)

and what is wrong with indulging yourself now and again?

I am merely adding my opinion and not any proposed fact so reader beware...

If CD is an addiction, can it be cured? Alcoholism, drug abuse, shopping (which I have en femme and not in drab mode), chocolate, smoking, caffiene, etc are forms of addiction. I would think that these things can be cured given the right motivation. For me, my body tells me I need to dress. Is that the same as someone else's body telling them they need a drink or smoke? Who knows. I can tell you that every day, I have to eat something...what that is is somewhat of a choice but the body will push you towards cravings that satisfy the needs of the body before it pushes you towards the twinkie. With dressing, my body pushes me towards the women's panties instead of the men's briefs. Is this the part of choice that warrants addictive behavior? If so, why do I feel like crap for choosing the briefs? Why do I feel shame for choosing the panties?

Your wife is making broad generalizations about a topic that has so many different facets it cannot be packaged into one neat little explanation. As Eluzzion mentioned, "if A then B" does not ring true in the TG community. "If a male is born from a woman he will be straight and wear men's clothes." Isn't this statemenet why society has such a problem with the TG community in the first place - we don't fit the mold everyone else thinks we should fit.

If you have read any of my other posts, I am usually uncertain of my own path and somewhat self depracating but I refuse to be funneled into someone's fear driven stereotype that doesn't even fit the majority of CD people. She should do a lot of research on the subject before she corners you into a little "man" cage that you will spend the rest of your marriage trying to escape.

I'm just sayin' is all...

Exploring aspects of your personality is an inherently self indulgent thing to do. That is the whole point! When you express masculine qualities you are self indulging your male side. So what? Is it a crime to express yourself? As for addiction, you cannot become addicted to displaying the real you. Self-expression is not addictive. There are addictive issues about femininity such as the fashionable clothing but this is an issue all GGs themselves have to deal with as well. It is not an argument that can be used to stop self-expression.

This is a false discussion. Lets read between the lines, The issue here is your wife believes in and wants the artificial social divide between masculine and feminine. This makes her happy and content when you behave the way society programmed you to behave. Her expectations are met and she gets peer approval. By crossdressing you break down the artificial barrier and become a more whole, complete person hopefully more knowledgeable, more empathic, more understanding and of course happier. You want to step outside the box while she wants to remain firmly locked inside.

No spouse should demand that their happiness is more important than their spouses. How can you be happy at the expense of your partner's misery? The only solution is to either learn and grow together as a couple, or agree to a don't ask don't tell policy. Otherwise the relationship is heading for the rocks.

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Originally Posted by linda.wai

CD is a form of self indulgent behavior and the crave waxes and wanes with time. If we try to control the urge and prevent it to peak, one can control it. If we allow ourselves to indulge, It will turn into an addiction. Eventually, it will be CD 24/7, then TS and catastrophic changes will result.

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[SIZE="2"]This is a completely inaccurate assessment of crossdressing, because it infers that there is a problem, like a disease, that needs to be controlled and eliminated. Self indulgent? Compared to what, exactly? I think you can call nearly every activity “self-indulgent” to one degree or another. Control the urge? How about enjoy the moment, or series of moments, and be happy? Allow ourselves to indulge? Who says we can’t? Who says we are indulging in the first place? How about “I want to be this way?” or “I chose to be happy?" CD 24/7, TS, and then “catastrophic” changes? Whoever wrote these words (I know it wasn't you, linda) needs some education regarding crossdressing, tolerance, and human compassion. CD, TG, and TS are three completely different things.[/SIZE]

if her logic were true, every pot smoker in the world would end up strung out on heroin... a la the 60s movie Reefer Madness.....

That is a position perceived by many women. The statement may have some foundation in truth. I just don't know the answer to this one.

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Originally Posted by linda.wai

Eventually, it will be CD 24/7, then TS and catastrophic changes will result.

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Originally Posted by AKAMichelle

That is a position perceived by many women. The statement may have some foundation in truth. I just don't know the answer to this one.

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I do know the answer! There is no foundation for the statement.

There is absolutely no evidence that even one person has become transsexual because of cross-dressing. There is evidence that transsexuals have come to accept their need to transition after cross-dressing, but they were already transsexual.

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Originally Posted by Christy_M

If CD is an addiction, can it be cured? Alcoholism, drug abuse, shopping (which I have en femme and not in drab mode), chocolate, smoking, caffiene, etc are forms of addiction. I would think that these things can be cured given the right motivation. For me, my body tells me I need to dress.

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Just for the record, there are no cures for alcoholism and addiction. They can be controlled, but not cured. It is a lifetime sentence.

Thank you Sue,

That's why they call it falling off the wagon just as I have done many many times with Cding. Alcohol addiction is more like a disease that is denied the title because of medical insurance's and life insurance industrys. They would go broke on claims add in smokeing and illegal drug use they all effect the body's system and has been proven that your body will soon crave/adjust to the so called addictions.

Moderation or never start is the key to any addiction ,miss use or abuse is the downfall, in other words your addiction grows stonger. Unlike " sexual preferances " Crossdressing is an addiction !! It can grow, we where not born wearing clothing . The more you feed the addiction the more your body craves the desire. Every addiction has a ceiling or a level ,that's when the chemical effects your body produces when craved and the addiction is satisfied until later when the body re produces these same chemicals again and the process repeats ,when your body produces these chemicals, by clinical terms that falls into a disease catagory.

Continue to surpass you addiction level and soon your body will produce even more chemical addiction desire ( if you will ) .. The addiction to Alcohol isn't the cause of death it is the alcohol it's self that causes damage to your enternal organs than soon death. Many who die from alcohol related deaths where aware the addiction was killing them but unknowingly placed themselves by abuseing the substance there through produceing the chemical desire..There is no cure for that.. Just treatment.

Thanks I am not a doctor btw but I do watch alot of discovery channel.. I am not saying CDIng and drug,smoking and alcohol abuse are related in anyway ,but I feel the addiction can be compared.. Oh I am not also saying that the Discovery channel use Cding as any example combined to a disease or drug,alcohol or smoking addictions either..
Gotta get those disclaimers These are my own opinions no pun intended to anyone in this Forum.

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Originally Posted by Aaron Zwidling

Sure the urge to crossdress waxes and wanes with time, but so do many other things in life. I don't want to have a hamburger or waffles every day of my life, but there are some days when that is exactly what I crave. As far as self indulgent goes, sure it is to an extent, but so are many other things in life. How about your wife going to a beauty parlour, or buying a pair of shoes or a purse or clothes she doesn't really need? Going out to a movie or a play or a restaurant when you don't really need to? Buying a new couch when the old couch still works (even if it is well worn you can't understand why you ever liked that particular color), or owning a car when it isn't needed for your job and public transit exists? If you are going to do this it should be both of you eliminating self indulgent behaviours, not just you, and I suggest you both sit down and make a list so you can be sure to identify all such behaviours and can then monitor each other for compliance (not really serious about this last sentence).

To me part of what makes life worth living are some of the self indulgent activities we engage in, and as long as those activities are not harming anyone and done in moderation I don't see what the problem is and I certainly don't find her argument valid.

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I was thinking the same thing, except I crave chocolate. Do I indulge to the point of sickness or being 500 lbs overweight? No.

I would agree that CDing is self indulgent behavior, you do it because it makes you feel good, and what is the problem with that, I also agree that it [SIZE=4] [/SIZE]waxes and wanes with time. I don't agree at all that it will turn into an addiction, the statement about waxing and waning says it doesn't. Although sometimes it may seem like it is. I do think that cding has to be kept in perspective just like anything else. I know runners who have an addiction to running. To say you will become a TS I don't think at all is valid.
My advice everything in moderation [SIZE=4]
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Originally Posted by Lucy_Bella

Crossdressing is an addiction !!

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We abuse the term addiction if we extend it to anything related to cross-dressing. I will agree that it can be a compulsion, but that is not the same thing as an addiction. As you illustrated with your other examples, addiction leads to slef-harm and/or antisocial behaviour. What self-harm results from dressing differently to the gender binary stereotype?

People who cross-dress can be jerks. Guess what, so can cisgendered people. Many addicts resort to a life of crime to satisfy there addiction, what percentage of cross-dressers do you think resort to crime to satisfy their compulsion to look pretty (or if FtM to look more masculine)?

Another distinction between compulsive behaviour and addiction is a chemical dependency on the addictive substance, there is no chemical dependency on wearing clothes of any sort.

Rianna . I.Agree's :)..

But ..Wouldn't it be fair to say just as any addiction , lets take Alcoholisum as an example.. Just because you have one or two beers a week doesn't make you an Alcoholic.. If you drink and drink till it causes you harm and those around you harm then it's an addiction.. Big differance between compulsion, one or two a week and addiction can't do without ..

I know there are no Chemical depedency's on wearing clothing just as there are none to gambling. Chemical dependecy is ingested and very different to the chemicals produced by our bodies. Take alcohol again for example , It's poison to our bodies why do we enjoy it? Because it produces a chemical or helps to produce rather, that is known in some to create happiness or simular feelings . Our body fights it but our brain fuels it.

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Originally Posted by Sue

Just for the record, there are no cures for alcoholism and addiction. They can be controlled, but not cured. It is a lifetime sentence.

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Agreed, sorry for the mis-statement. Most addictions don't get cured, merely controlled. Between yours and Lucy's comments, maybe I have it all wrong. Maybe I need to work on controlling my addiction to expressing myself in feminine clothes. As Lucy stated, we weren't born with clothes so it makes sense that the need to wear them came later.

The consensus seems to be :
1. Yes, it is a compulsive self indulgent
2. But so what! It brings joy nevertheless
3. It's not an addiction
4. If done in moderation, it won't do any harm.