Maria, I have been a CD for more than 60 years, discounting my military service and the 5 years that I voluntarily quit CD'ing. During my CD time I have done a lot of research and talked to a lot of people with knowledge about what we do. And yes, I am blunt most of the time! As a child I was taught to tell the truth, even if it hurt to do so. Your responses indicate that you have learned some things from this thead, and that is all we can ask!
Best wishes to you and your SO!!
I can totally understand the deep drive to get feminine. Like the Gunney said, there are a lot of us who go over the top to create an image of masculinity in order to keep anyone from knowing our deep dark secret desire to be feminine. I joined the Marine Corps in the hopes that they would cure me. Of course they didn't. I have gone through my life (now 45) doing more and more to keep the facade that I am an incredibly macho guy. In the last few months I have decided that more and more of my female side needs time in the sun. I have dressed more and more, I have driven up and down the west coast totally en femme, I have gone out to an LGBT spot to be with other TG folks. I have even shopped en femme. I would have never done these things when I was younger. I can't explain the sudden disregard for boundries that I placed on myself so many years ago. I really can't explaing why this need is making me go even outside my comfort zone by putting me in situation that I would have never imagined myself being.
I can't speak for the drugs. I haven't been on them since high school so do not have a point of reference like others. I do believe that drugs don't make you do anything you are not already programmed to do. It is like getting really drunk and sleeping with a guy - that stuff doesn't "just happen" without some other feelings being rooted somewhere within.
Like Karren said, figure out how you feel about it and then work towards controlling it. I have just recently got Christy under control and my wallet is much happier becasue of it. Of course my savings account is empty so that probably helped curtail any further spending... :)
We are here for if you need to talk. It is really hard opening up but with the anonymity provided by this forum, maybe you can ask for help easier without having to deal with all those machismo stereotypes of letting others help and support you. In any case, good luck as you and your SO find out who Maria really is.
Christy
You all have made me feel much better! I been a member here for about 14 months and not have interacted much. At the time I felt a tad out of place because my feminine side was only a mere curiosity and I was really only into wearing pantyhose and occasionally a skirt and shoes. Over the last 2 months it hit me like a ton of bricks… I swear even my nipples have become more sensitive over the last 4 weeks. I never felt anything so strong come over me for such a sustained time period of more than a week or 2 at most.
My SO is telling me to relax and go with it and discover myself with her support and companionship and you, more experienced ones have the kind if insight I can be comfortable with.
I was not trying to gain confidence coming out in this thread. I think I was trying to understand it better with my own feelings as the topic, not the feelings of others in other threads I have read. At this point I have a future wife as long as she does NOT lose her man and I respect that boundary and do not see any reason to think I need to go past that point. It’s not like I’ll ever have a vaJJ and a true female brain and chemistry. I have to reach a point I relax with it as it will become and enjoy it… It may drop off some too or get more intense, only because I am in the discovery phase. My SO does also love my expertise in pantyhose brands and styles…Especially the tip on how to keep pantyhose from sagging throughout the day. LOL
Thank you ALL very much for taking time for some GREAT replies. Ill just embrace dressing from the neck down and see if I need more or less to feel as another put it… balanced.
Maria
[SIZE="2"]Seems to me you would be doing yourself a disservice by stopping your “Maria” activity. Why can’t you embrace yourself and relax? You went to all the trouble of getting an account here (as Maria), yet you do not wish to be “her?” Just roll with it, accept it, and be it, because it won’t go away and shouldn’t go away. How can you discard part of yourself and expect to remain whole? This gender-divide is not something that is desirable, or warranted, and I would guess that outsiders are influencing your decisions – only you know best. Keep Maria and be happy, I say, or learn to be happy, with your co-joined gender characteristics. It’s the only way, really.Quote:
Originally Posted by Maria_1969
:)[/SIZE]
My wife and I discovered my femme side, Tina, together. We quickly made some agreements about how that would go, and one was that when she wanted her "man", she got him. I can't find anything wrong with that since afterall I entered into our relationship as a man. We keep the masculine and feminine sides very separate, and we keep the lines of communication very open!
Have fun with it!
tina
Maria, I have read all the posting and all the girls are telling you like it is. I can relate to what you are going through ( I think we all can) but you are so lucky to have a SO to suport you. I am as lucky as you, my SO stands behind me in all my TG feelings and as time goes by you will get a hold of it. In all it is great to have male and female feelings, even if the female side is stronder.
When I wrote the above I felt emotional about it and in a way, yes, my life would probably be easier without this feminine pull. As you can read on all the replies I got and my own replies there are some awesome people in the forum that really made me feel better. I will be working on a few things to embrace my feminine side and no longer reject it. After all, with a supporting SO, this makes it much easier as well.
One of the things I will do, is spend much more time here, not just reading but being a part of things. I do hope to eventually make some friends as well, maybe even meet another sister one day. All my male friends are bikers and we are all hard men so I never really learned to embrace the femininity my own self wants to feel. My past dressing experiences were obviously more then just curiosity perhaps. I know now, that I feel ALIVE when I feel feminine. I feel so good in women’s clothing I do not even look for sex with my SO. I feel at peace and very natural being dressed feminine. I hate the fact I have to even wear men’s clothing these days.
I do love my male self though, make no mistake. I guess, I just wanted to feel NORMAL…. Others in this thread made me feel very normal.
Now, I am a part of the sisterhood here and I do hope to not only be a friend to some, but to also be able to help other girls embrace their feminine side as I am learning to do with mine.
Maria, well, she is in me and wants to stay…. :-)
Now, if I can only stop being jealous of GG’s…. lol