Don't know what to do...

First, since he doesn't live in his room, it can't be that hard to have a face to face discussion.

Apologize for spanking him. If you did not make any derogatory comments about his wearing your clothes, he will probably relax enough to accept the apology. Otherwise it will be a tough row to hoe.

Let him know that his borrowing your clothes without permission was what made you so upset. Promise him no more spankings. Removal of privileges works a lot better.

This may have been the first time he's ever done it, and was only trying it for the sake of curiosity. However if he's done it before, then he may be a crossdresser.

The goal is to show him support. Give him a few things he can wear, that you no longer want. Tell him he'll be responsible for its care, as it will need to last him for a while.

Dixie's site, mentioned above, has some useful information about crossdressing.

Also see:

http://www.youth-guard.org/pflag-tnet/booklet.html
and
http://www.dcchildrens.com/dcchildre...der/guide.aspx

.... I can understand how you feel and why you reacted like you did, my parents caught me when i was young and reacted exactly the same, except they did the wrong thing, In trying to convince me that what I had done was wrong, I stopped for a while then the urges came back, I got caught (Twice More), but still they tried to tell me it was wrong I have gotten no support at all from them for my cross-dressing and it makes me feel alienated, like I'm living in a cage, don't do this to your son support him (I know may parents still love me) what he is doing is not wrong.
Once you have broken the ice with him and you can talk freely without either of you getting upset or embarrass, talk to him about it and try to ascertain whether he just wants to dress up or it is something more. Give him time and you will be forgiven, just don't alienate him, I know just how he feels at this point.

Hugs
Michelle xxx

My mother found me out when I was 13 and had a similar reaction to yours, without the spanking, although I had received my share of those in the past. She told my father and they both told me I was crazy. I got threatened with a psychiatrist but was sent away to a military school instead.

The result: We never spoke of it again and I guess they think the cured the problem. But it does not go away. To this day I still have some resentment for the way they treated me but I have come to understand how they felt, especially given the times in the early 1970's.

I would suggest you talk to him. You may not understand what he is feeling, but I can guarantee that whatever it is, the feelings are very real to him. Whether he is a crossdresser or a transsexual or whatever else, he is not evil and has not chosen to be like this. He is still a person and needs love just like everybody else.

And just to set your mind at rest, he is not a deviant nor is he going to grow up to be a child molester or worse. What he is right now is feeling confused and scared that he will be rejected by his parents who at the age of 14 are the most important people in his life.

Mom,

First off, let me join others in commending you for trying to find out more and trying to deal with the situation, rather just freaking out.

I know you feel guilty about this, but your reaction is understandable. There's the initial shock, plus his borrowing your clothes may have felt invasive. As adults, CDs learn that borrowing our SO's (significant other) clothes is a definite no-no. As children -- and the vast majority of us start as children -- we do usually borrow clothing from mothers or sisters due to a lack of alternatives.

Cross-dressing is something that between 1-in-20 and 1-in-10 men do regularly and perhaps 20-30% have experimented with at some time or another. I've got no idea whether your son was just experimenting -- at his age girls are a powerful and mystifying force in his life, and it's possible he's dressing to try to understand them better. It's kind of hard to explain, but it can be exploring "what would it be like."

It's also possible that he truly is somewhere on the TG (transgender) spectrum, which ranges from occasional crossdressers to transsexuals who undergo sexual reassignment survey. The latter are estimated to be around one in 1in-2,500 men, so as you can see the odds are far greater that one is a crossdresser, although there are those who feel somewhere in between, i.e. being more feminine than masculine, but not desiring to do hormones or surgery.

As far as why we do it, the truth is no one's really sure. There's suggestive but not conclusive evidence for a biological basis, particularly on the TS end of the spectrum. There's probably also psychological factors as well. For many it's a form of escapism -- a chance to be someone else for awhile, not that different than dressing up as a Trekkie for example -- and it's well known that stress often causes the desire to dress. To me it's also notable that many of us begin around puberty, which needless to say is a stressful time. It's also often a chance for many of us to express emotions and personality traits that society deems "feminine" and therefore we don't feel comfortable doing so en homme. And I won't lie, particularly when starting out as teens, dressing often does have a sexual component. In part it's a chance to wear sexy clothes that aren't available to men -- although a suited skirt probably doesn't fall into that category -- and a chance to "own" the sexual power that we feel women have over us.

As a mother, I'm sure you're concerned what CDing might mean for your son's future. CDing does complicate our lives, it can be difficult to find an SO who's accepting of it and many folks have been in denial about it. I think that's changing as the Internet makes information readily available as well as supportive communities such as this one. And I think few people here would stop if they could a magic pill to "cure" them. Much as it can be troublesome at times, it does make us a wholer person than we might be otherwise.

I'm not married, nor do I have kids, so take the following for what it's worth.

I'm sure your son feels humiliated, just as he would have if you'd caught him in any other embarassing situation. (You know how teens are.) It's very likely that he already feels guilty and shameful over his dressing. He knows it's not something "normal" boys do. If he hasn't done any research online, he may feel like he's the only one in the world who feels this way. If he's gone online, he might have found good information, or he might have run across stuff that makes him feel like a freak. He's probably terrified that you'll tell his father.

I think Khriss summed the next steps nicely, whether it's talking in person or starting by writing him a letter. Let him know the you over-reacted. Let him know you still love him, and will love him no matter what. It's OK to let him know that wearing your clothes bothered you. Let him know that you've done some research and realize that cross-dressing is different, but not abnormal.

Then see if you can talk. Even if he realizes you love him, it may be difficult for him to talk about. It's baring something extremely intimate which is hard for teenage boys to do period, and particularly since it may be tied up with sexual feelings that's a hard discussion to have with Mom (or Dad). Also, be aware that it's pretty likely he doesn't understand his desires very well yet, which can make it hard for him to talk about them.

If he doesn't want to talk, let him know you're keeping an open mind and being supportive. Let him know that you'll always willing to talk later (he might need some time), or if he wants to write you a letter (which might be more comfortable for him) that's fine too. As Donna said, it may be useful to give him some clothes of his own, which also allows you to set some boundaries on keeping your clothes off-limits.

Finally, as others have said, I'm sure this is difficult for you as well, and you probably need some support too. We CDs are here to help and give advice, or to just listen if that's what you want. (If it's the latter, just let us know you that's what you want, since beneath the dresses we're still guys and problem-solving is the way we show we're listening -- which not necessary what GGs always want or need.) There's also a number of GGs here as well, plus the GG-only forum.

I wish you and your son luck in working through this.

You've gotten enough advice hear to make your head spin, all of it quite good, so I'll be brief. I can't advise you on what to do because I've never been in your situation, and I don't know what kind of relationship you and your son have.

I agree with you in that you handled it wrong, but it must have really shocked you to go over the deep end. Personally, I think I'd let things lie for a while, let the dust settle, and give a chance for everyone to calm down. Then you can take whatever course of action you decide is best.

I can speak of my experiences as a 14 year old. I really started dressing seriously when I was 12, and it was all quite confusing, but also exciting at the same time. I never got caught, but if I had it wouldn't have changed anything, nor would I have stopped. I would have been more careful, or in other words, sneakier. I really don't think you want him to go in that direction.

Anyway, I wish you the best of luck with this, and remember to never miss the chance to say that you love him.

GypsyKaren

He feels embarrassed, guilty, wimpy, stupid. He is not reacting to the spanking. He is reacting being caught. I was always careful, but I would get sloppy. He probably does this occasionally. This time he got sloppy.

I am rather conservative about what you should do next. Email me if you would like to talk about it.