I had the most interesting conversation with a transexual

The life of a transsexual is very challenging. She's gone through a lot to get to where she is. She probably feels that cross-dressing is superficial and cowardly because at the end of the day, the m2f crossdresser retreats back to his mountain of masculine privilege, and perhaps has fewer deep identity crises associated with it. But the truth is everyone has their own battles to fight, and it wasn't right of her to belittle yours. That said, in that situation I would put myself in her shoes - you may find that what she really is lashing out against is her own insecurity and angst for self acceptance. Her insistence on creating an 'us versus them' dialectic would tell me that she is quite concerned about her identity in relationship to others. Being TG, my own experience is that I tend to be very very sensitive to gender and gender identity. Maybe she had a bad day, bad week, or bad year... this sort of pain can really drive any person to bitterness at times.

Her wanting to make you pass seems to me to be little more than another chance for her to exert her superiority complex on you, but it might prove to be an opportunity for her and you to communicate openly an honestly and perhaps both of you can walk away with more respect and love for each other's individual situations.

She sounds like a knob.

Edit:

Sorry, Im the most open-minded person I know and I try not to judge...but theres only one kind of person I cannot tolerate and that is someone who is so ridiculously close-minded, especially considering the hardships they have had to endure from other peoples close-mindedness.

Shouldn't have pushed for a conversation, IMO. Why subject yourself to poor treatment from someone who clearly didn't like you (for whatever reason) from the get go?

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Originally Posted by Ericka2

So far I heard lots of negativity and I most say with a reason, I'm the type of person that likes to learn from people that I come in contact with, specially from people that knows what they are talking about, I did get sad at some points of our conversation but we all need some tough talk ones in a while, that made me feel like I needed to wake up and not get so comfty since I have still such a long path ahead of me, as for her defense she was absolutely gorgeous and I know she didn't get that way by luck, I'm sure as she told me, is a cruel world out there and to be prepare for it, and I did not let it get to me just because Ericka knows what she is, none can put me down, and I take criticism because I know is good for me, I know what I look like and I know where I'm going, thanks for your input and as always I'm never too old to learn.Love, Ericka.

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She may learn a few things from you too if you become friends. Sometimes, apparently "closed minded people" become more open by getting to know others as people and realize that their opinions were originally made on limited knowledge. Maybe this person will become more well-rounded and enlightened by getting to know more of your world.

I have friends who are TS and are lovely people,but I have come across,too often those that despise us,and have made no secret of that fact by stating it loud and clear,My reaction is to just ignore them,I dont need negativity in my life,least of all from those,I thought would understand on even some level.I even had one who I considered a friend refuse to walk down the street with me,as if I lessened her new found femininity (the fact she still walked like a bloke didn't occur to her) some friend.If they hate us To hell with them

Wow - hope being blunt is ok but this TS you speak of sounds like an idiot... Personally I would not be offended, I would have been confused and probably laughed! I dont identify with many members of this forum, but that does not mean I am bigger or better than anyone. I dont have time for discrimination whatever form it takes... The reason I would laugh is how ironic it is - someone who feels tolerance and understanding should be given to her, while being completely unable to give it!!!

I agree with many of the above posters. If my personal journey took me towards more than my current CDing, I would not want someone so narrow minded guiding me...

Jx

Actually just edited this as a girl I was talking to suggested "Oh just buy the slips and then move on... I wanted short hair and now I dont, you will probably get bored like I have" LOL, initially I was p@@sed off for her belitting what for me is a weird and nervous place to be in, even if it is exciting. But I just read Avana's response, and perhaps being understanding is also a better place to be rather than my possibly automatic 'they think this, therefore I have no time for them...'

Can U say "Narcissism"

Destructive Narcissism
An unrealistic sense of superiority ("Grandiose")
Desire for power, wealth and admiration May enjoy power Pursues power at all costs, lacks normal inhibitions in its pursuit
Concerns limited to expressing socially appropriate response when convenient; devalues and exploits others without remorse
Lacks values; easily bored; often changes course
Traumatic childhood undercutting true sense of self-esteem and/or learning that he/she doesn't need to be considerate of others

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Originally Posted by Avana

The life of a transsexual is very challenging. She's gone through a lot to get to where she is. She probably feels that cross-dressing is superficial and cowardly because at the end of the day, the m2f crossdresser retreats back to his mountain of masculine privilege, and perhaps has fewer deep identity crises associated with it. But the truth is everyone has their own battles to fight, and it wasn't right of her to belittle yours. That said, in that situation I would put myself in her shoes - you may find that what she really is lashing out against is her own insecurity and angst for self acceptance. Her insistence on creating an 'us versus them' dialectic would tell me that she is quite concerned about her identity in relationship to others. Being TG, my own experience is that I tend to be very very sensitive to gender and gender identity. Maybe she had a bad day, bad week, or bad year... this sort of pain can really drive any person to bitterness at times.

Her wanting to make you pass seems to me to be little more than another chance for her to exert her superiority complex on you, but it might prove to be an opportunity for her and you to communicate openly an honestly and perhaps both of you can walk away with more respect and love for each other's individual situations.

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this is a very ... very good analysis

People who feel bad about themselves tend to look for others to put down. Whether a cocky high school male or a TS, a bully is a bully. Thankfully many TS women are sweet caring people who don't act this way.

Like Melissa, I cannot tolerate someone who is ridiculously closed-minded, but not knowing the person in question, I would have to say that you may have just caught this person on a bad day. Discouragement and depression can often lead to inexcusibly foolish talking. Some people have the mistaken notion that the transition process is an over night event and I know first hand how discouraging life can be with that silly notion in your head. Or you see another CD/TG rocking your dream outfit that you look like a hippopotamus in. We can list things all night here on that possibility.

She was wrong in every way to treat you like that. She should realize that she isn't the only one who has struggled in life. We all have our struggles.

I left a support group several years ago for being thought of that way. The TS's that ran the group claimed to be open minded and welcoming to CD's, but at times it seemed they barely tolerated us.

Ericka2,

What was your wife's reaction to how this TS thought of/disparaged you? I know that while my wife is not the biggest fan of me being me she would likely have jumped into her with both feet over it.

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Originally Posted by Avana

The life of a transsexual is very challenging. She's gone through a lot to get to where she is. She probably feels that cross-dressing is superficial and cowardly because at the end of the day, the m2f crossdresser retreats back to his mountain of masculine privilege, and perhaps has fewer deep identity crises associated with it. But the truth is everyone has their own battles to fight, and it wasn't right of her to belittle yours. That said, in that situation I would put myself in her shoes - ....................

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The life of ANY transgendered person is challenging, wether they are CD or TS. Most TG people fight a overwhelming internal battle on a daily basis. If i had a nickle for every post here from a sister who fought the angest of gender conflict , I'd be rich !
By the replys here, she should have put herself in the OP heels, and appologize for the angest she inflicted on the OP.

Something like this happened to me about a month ago at a group dinner.When sitting down near someone I didn't know very well,they immediately inquired as to "how do I identify",as if I should be perfectly content with announcing to everyone else at the table exactly where I stand.How inconsiderate!Of course she was TS and had no problems blurting that out throughout the evening...I'm not like that at all,there are things I like to keep personable.I simply said,"This is something I share with close friends or those I choose to be intimate with".People should learn to be tactful and not assume anything about others.I know there are ts-tg who have been through hell,however that doesn't mean they have the right to classify,evaluate or even inquire.Funny,it's a question I never worry over, as I choose not to categorize myself ,that should be explanation enough for anyone worth keeping a good friendship with.

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Originally Posted by kimdl93

Don't you get the feeling that most people are judgemental and intolerant in this society. Its particularly ironic in the transgender subculture, where we differ (mostly) by degree and not kind. It seems that everybody needs somebody that they can look down on.

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Thank you Kim! This is why I absolutely cannot understand the attitude by some transsexuals. It is as if the concept of empathy just doesn't exist for them. I can only imagine the struggles that a transitioning TS has to go through but I have experienced some struggles of my own and I have never thought of demeaning or ridiculing someone going through the same or similar experience. Maybe that is just my nature. . .

I think/hope that these types of transwomen are the minority though! I have met some very nice ones.

The worst type of transphobia. Trans on trans.

A few years ago, I met a pre-op TS, who pretty much said straight-out that only the people who were going to opt for sex-change were true trans-sexuals, and that everybody else was merely gay men looking to camouflage their homosexuality. The people who actually met with men, pretty much relegated to the category of wh***s and ****s, were neither better nor worse than the CD's who say they are hetero, who in this person's opinion were merely 'latents with repressed personalities.'

It was an education about human behavior and how certain individuals need something or someone to hate to justify their own existence. Other than a ten minute psycho-babble lecture on terminiology, I certainly didn't hear anything cogent about transgenderism from her.

She does have a point, but it was delivered like a bullet. CD'ers wearing short dresses or skirts don't end up looking like real women. Especially when worn at inappropriate times. Being TS does require you to work on blending a lot more. Some cd'ers do work on that and succeed, but it does appear to be the exception at times.

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Originally Posted by Melissa Stone

She sounds like a knob.

Edit:

Sorry, Im the most open-minded person I know and I try not to judge...but theres only one kind of person I cannot tolerate and that is someone who is so ridiculously close-minded, especially considering the hardships they have had to endure from other peoples close-mindedness.

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"...only two types of people I can't stand - those that are intolerant of others and the Dutch." I love this line

This type of sanctimony really rubs me the wrong way. regardless of the day, week, moth or year someone is having it does not ever give them the right to treat others with contempt. This whole vain of TS being superior to CD is BS. All MtF started out the same way, with dangly bits in an area where they got in the way of our panites fitting right. just becasue someone opts to have them cut off doesn't mean they have an edge over those who choose (for many reason) to leave them there. Regardless of how far we take our TG lives, we will never get past being TG. We will forever have to deal with the male side and the female side. This may only mean the relationship with family from when we were younger or it may mena dealing with our children after transition. TG is TG. It is a vast spectrum and regardless of where we fit on that spectrum, we are all on that continuum together. Society as a whole does not view us differently becasue we have parts removed or not. We can stand back and defiantly state that we are better than each other all day long but the truth is we all put our pantyhose on one leg at a time.

I am truly sorry for rambling but holier than thou and self righteousness are hot button items for me and now I am on my soap box...what's the next thread for me to jump into?

Don't B a Drag Jus B a queen!!

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Originally Posted by danielle swenson

Don't B a Drag Jus B a queen!!

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Would that be a Queen B?