Wrote my wife a letter

I'm a wife. I'm sure this is the hardest thing you have probably ever had to do. It was tremendously scary for my husband to tell me. The problem is that you can't move forward until you take the leap and talk about it with her. Then I highly recommend finding support for both of you. Even if she is accepting she will probably need it too.

Very gutsy move, moondog. I am encouraged by your wife's response. And I'm sure she was impressed by your willingness to bare your soul to here, despite your obvious fears. She'll admire your courage and honesty.

Best thing for you to do now is to simply be there to listen to her comments, respond honestly to her questions and breath....

First...thank you for all of your kind words and support.

Second...the capacity for love is always surprising.

When I got to our house my wife greeted me with a kiss and a long, tight hug. We sat down and she thanked me for sharing everything with her and that she understood how difficult it was for me to write the letter and give it to her. Having read many of the posts here I was expecting the usual quesitons: "Why do you like dressing in women's clothing?" Do you really want to be a woman?" "Are you gay?" "Do you do this to get off?" That didn't happen.

She told me my letter clarified many things that she had missed over the last year. I had been asking her to take charge during sex and to intiate our love making. I had been telling her I hate being forced to play the typical male roles, felling trees, fixing cars, carpentry, etc. She apologized for missing these cues.

After reading my letter she talked to a guy she works with who crossdresses. I know him but did not know he did this. She also talked to a friend of hers who is into sexual health, gay, lesbian, and transgender issues. I guess she asked them a lot of questions because when we talked she wasn't asking me why I needed to do this or why I felt I might be a woman, rather she asked me about my future. We talked about therapy, hormones, surgeries, and the possibility of me living as a woman. I asked her how she felt and she said she hopes that if I do need to live as a woman that I keep my penis. I asked her what if I have to get that surgery and she said we'll cross that bridge then.

There's a drag ball in Burlington and she asked me if I thought I was ready to go. I told her I had thought about it because since it's a drag ball I really don't have to worry too much about passing so I could just focus on having fun being myself. I asked her if she would go with me and she said she would. She's looking into it today and it looks like we're going to go. We might invite the guy she works with as well.

Later she had me model a few pairs of her panties and skirts for her. She said she thought I looked better in a couple of pairs of panties then she did. We made love and it was fantastic.

I'm still living in my own place, but we're talking from a deeper truth now, which is nice. And now that she knows everything she can help me, which she could not before. I've also been thinking about having her come to some of my therapy sessions. First I'll ask my therpaist what she thinks.

There is still a lot of anxiety and fear because I don't know where I'm going, but it looks like I've got my best friend back.

Again, thanks for all of your support.

That's great Moondog All the best to you and your wife!

Your wife is a real gem, moondog! Now treat her, buy her flowers or a meal or something - in guy mode. She'll be needing her husband at the moment, not a new girl friend.

This is wonderful, moondog. Now just hold each other tight and begin the journey together. She is a gem and you dont want to exclude her. She sounds like she is an open caring person, and she should have the same from you. take care of her and yourself

Babes

Moondog

Thank you for your posting, I am where u were last week and how your wife reacted gives me some hope when I speak to my wife. Good luck

Regan

Hi Regan,

I was so scared to tell her, and I know there are some members on this forum who have wives that are not so accepting, I also know some wives are very accepting, so I figured it was s--t or get off the pot time because dragging this out even longer would do nothing to help either of us. For me it was the not knowing that was eating me up inside. I wanted to tell her but lacked the courage, so I went with a letter. She actually said she was glad it was a letter because it gave her time to read and re-read it without having me there watching her reactions. It gave her time to process what I had shared without each of us feeding into each others emotions, if that makes sense.

I figured if she wanted nothing to do with my dressing, or me, at least I would know and we could go our seperate ways without hating each other. Fortunately she's excited about exploring this part of my personality with me, and willing to walk with me while I figure out who I really am, and who I want to become.

Where we'll wind up is unknown, but I know she's there with me, and supporting me along the journey.

Tuesday we're having pizza together and I'm going to give her a fully body deep tissue massage, with no expectations on my part.

I guess, having done it, I would echo what many members have said in other threads, tell her everything, tell the truth, hold nothing back, and then do all you can to help her understand. The not knowing is just another cross we force ourselves to carry, as if we're not carrying enough already.

Moondog

Thanks I totally agree with you and I need to get off the pot also.

Regan

I am so happy for you!!! I wish you the best of luck! :)

Awesome! I'm glad to hear that this has turned out well so far. If only all SOs could be this thoughtful & open-minded! (:

Moondog;
How very true is your statement about telling all to your SO. I did 19 years ago, before we where
married. She accepts it and helps me when needed.
Good luck to you.
Rader

That's wonderful, Moondog! I am so happy that she expressed interest in exploring this with you. I never would have thought of writing this all down, but it does make sense, now that you mention it. Writing does have the advantage of allowing us to work out our thoughts and meaning (with the exception of a hastily written post or email). Writing is re-writing, as they say. And I guess reading facilitates re-reading and contemplation.

Best of luck to both of you as you embark on this journey together! Oh and, BTW, the massage is a nice touch ;)

Thanks for pointing me to your thread Moondog. I'm glad things are going well with your wife. My only real advice at this point is to just take things slow with her. She sounds like she really cares about you and wants to be there for you. But remember that a change like this can be difficult to deal with. While transition kind of has to be a selfish act, keep her needs in mind too. Which it sound like you are doing :) So keep talking, keep being honest and try to expose her to these changes slowly. She's going to be spending a lot of time listening to and trying to understand what you're going through, so make sure you do the same for her.

I hope for the best for you two. It sounds like you really do love each other. Love and communication go a long way.

I know exactly what your feeling, thankfully my wife is supporting my need to become a female

so glad things are going ok Moondog - you've taken the first step on your journey and its lovely that your wife wants to be there with you on the journey.

Wow Moondog!!!!


I am actually feeling jealous right now. Don't envy you the excruciating couple of days you've been through, but if i could find a Wife like that!

Have you told her about this site? If not, you should, and Moondog's wife...Err,,, got any Sisters or Cousins...??

Just got into this thread, but it sounds well on it's way to a happy ending :)

This one of the scariest things to do as a TG. It sounds like things are going good Moondog. :)

If she called you and said everything is fine and that she is going to talk with you tonight, then it doesn't sound all bad

WOOOOOW!!! You have true courage! Thanks for sharing this. I have never been completely truthful with anyone about how I truly feel inside (well except here). You are being true to yourself and that is amazing. Try very hard to show your wife how much you appreciate her and the support she is giving you. I wish I had someone that would stand behind me like that. Congratulations on this BIG step forward, Patti.

I've been reading this thread as it's progressed and just wanted to add this.

Now is the time to take things easy, don't rush anything. Expect at times your SO to be not so enthusiastic about the dressing, she will have her off days, try and not to take this personally.

Keep the lines of communication open, if she asks questions then answer then honestly, don't say what you think she wants to hear, because that will cause problems, like I said take it slow...and if later she needs some support and advise then she can join here and join us in FAB.

stay with your therapist, be honest and open, get help when you need it

Can we please have a big round of applause for this couple?

Stephie

That is great moondog. When I first seen that you wrote her a letter. I thought this was going to be bad. I am very happy to hear that everything turned out great though. Best of luck to you and your wife in the future.