A simple honest "I'm taking my ring back" would have avoided the whole situation.
Unfortunately vindictive games seem to be the popular choice.
Printable View
A simple honest "I'm taking my ring back" would have avoided the whole situation.
Unfortunately vindictive games seem to be the popular choice.
This is the key point to me. The rings are just a tool right now. You are overly mad about one disappearing and she took one to get a point across. You may be right about needing therapy. You two need to be sitting down and talking it out. Right now it sounds like anger and manipulation are more rampant. How far are you wanting to go in your presentation? What are her boundaries? Maybe she has been insinuating some boundaries and you missed it. Maybe it is wearing 6 rings daily and that is the reason behind her taking one.Quote:
Originally Posted by marym
The big point is you will never know if the two of you don't sit down and calmly discuss what is going on and how both of you are feeling. Get back to ground zero and start building up a list of feelings and agreements/compromises. It sounds like there is a bit to work through.
Your wife is a sneak thief, If I took my wifes ring, because she wasn't using it, 3 days, or three years, it wouldn't matter, she would pick it up, put it on and dare me to say a word, but I'm smarter than that.
when it comes to clothes, or Jewelry, what is her's is hers, and what is mine is mine,neither of us would ever think to "borrow", with out asking. of course,neither of us have ever told the other one no, unless it's something that could be stretched out of shape. And it keeps the peace, we all have a right to at lest a few things that is ours and not joint property.
Mary M. and Sue are right, It's about boundaries, and respecting each other as equals.
Tina B.
A simple honest "I am taking your rings" would have avoided the whole situation.Quote:
Originally Posted by Miranda-E
Unfortunately, vindictive games seem to be a poor substitute for communication for you too.
want to explain that? I'm one of the few upfront non-gameplaying people on the board.Quote:
Originally Posted by Momarie
I apologize, my comment was meant for the OP not to you directly.Quote:
Originally Posted by Miranda-E
It seems the wife in this story is accused of many things, among them being vindictive...
I was just pointing out vindictiveness seemed to be a poor substitute for communication on his part.
Again I'm sorry, I can see now reading it back how you might think I was directing my post to you, which wasn't my intention.
no problem :)
misunderstandings happen
the op could have handled things better.Quote:
Originally Posted by Momarie
Jag, your wife wanted to get a rise out of you and she was successful. I can't fathom the reasons because I'm not trained to do that, but please understand that many of us see that the communication issues between the two of you are not positive. We really hope that the two of you can work on this to make both of your lives better.
with hope,
tina
Perhaps Jag, she wanted to find out if you were borrowing her ring or if it now belonged to your crossdressing self?
I think you did the original 'wrong' when you appropriated the rings but her taking it and hiding it was definately a spiteful action. Is she the kind of person that you know does spiteful things (not just in relation to your crossdressing -- but in other things as well)? Is she the kind of person to try to find out where she stands in relation to others (and not just in relation to your crossdressing)? When it is calm and quiet at night, do you get the feeling that she wants to leave or stay? You've implied that money and security are issues in your marriage; if they make you angry perhaps they terrify her.
Perhaps you should ask her: "If everything was financially secure and fine; would you leave me or would you stay?"
You might have an answer and a direction to work towards. Once you know the direction, then you can gain much more from counseling.
Oh, and either return her rings or ask her if they can be yours.