My dad and I were tight and we still are. He's was the first to know about this..and he was the first to accept it.
My dad and I were tight and we still are. He's was the first to know about this..and he was the first to accept it.
I cannot help but envy those of you, who had healthy, loving dads. IMy dad considered giving me away , as a kid. I liked sports. He did not. Because i wanted to be who i was, and different from him, he has resented me all my life. I would have been better off, had i been adapted out. Two friends of mine lost their fathers as toddlers. I would rather have lost my father as a toddler, than been through this 58 years of bitterness, and warfare.
This is a good topic tonight.
My Dad falls into the self centered category. Though he is a complex man, and has paid me out a a few situations with out hesitation, and has been decent and hardworking. I still speak with him weekly but our relationship is fast becoming a shell, it comes down to how some one makes you feel.
It is mostly me moving away from a gay hating family, the things I have heard them(2 brothers too)say over the years about anyone who is different, specially gays is a horror. Pretty much head in the sand have kids and make allot of money, which gives them the right...
I really do not fit in and did not fit in and now as have hit my 40's do not care or try to fit in any longer. I welcome more distance from them so I can be my girly self. One of those sizable inheritance=hang on to the relationship type of families I am sorry to admit. Maybe I will make allot of money and that will be that. I can just be me. I am angry tonight so please excuse my vibe. I am happy to be here sharing with you all and have enjoyed reading about your families.
♥♥♥
Noemi
My dad was the type that worked long hours, but what he made, he brought home to the family, and weekends where family road trips, or weekend camping trips, vacations where always somewhere the kids would have fun. He was strict, but loved all his kids, even that middle one that was not very manly, of course he would never have understood the cross dressing, but he did put up with mom buying me the toys I wanted, like my Campbell soup cooking set, that came with an apron, dad really hated that apron. As a teen, if I got in trouble, I wanted my dad, not mom, he was far more understanding. Yeah, I had one of those great dads, but I still always found myself drawn to the womens conversation, I always felt more at home there, rather than with the men.
Tina B.
My mother was a very dominant woman who often treated my father like he was still a child. I never realy knew my father till my mother passed on
My Dad was great, he was very supportive with the things I did and was always there for me. He died in front of me in 2008 just before his birthday and I miss him very much. My mother is the one I had alot of trouble with, she was a unmedicated manic depressive who did not like males.
I too am outnumbered on this topic and think its awesome if you had a good relationship w/ dad! I didn't, my mom told me from the moment I was born he denied I was his, since I didn't have his complexion. we were never close, he was an abusive alcoholic who beat on my mom until I was old enough to step in. he never showed me love or encouragement, I really don't believe he knew how. so I was always a mama's girl, and still am. and when he died, I attended his funeral for only one reason- I wanted to be damned sure I saw him put in the ground! I know that sounds evil, thats the legacy he left me, hate. but, only for him. don't worry, I have since forgiven him and unburdened myself of that weight. there are times when I do envy those w/ a caring dad though. mine would have NEVER tried to understand gender issues, we never even discussed sex.Quote:
Originally Posted by April_Ligeia
I had a pretty good relationship with my father. He was bright, hard working and devoted to his family. He wasn't perfect, could occassionally get pretty angry, but not without cause and certainly he was never abusive. He was a product of his generation - and I think would have liked to been able to more openly express affection.
My has has always been kind and nurturing.
I am sorry to hear about that Louise. You need to get away from your father. Nobody should have to deal with that type of situation.
I have mixed feelings about growing up with my father. He was a very hard worker. He spent a lot of hours working. He would occasionally spend some time with me. It was usually working in his garden. He did practice baseball with me occassionally but I was a failure at that. I felt like less of a man because I was a failure at sports. My father never complimented me on anything and never showed affection to me. He was a strict disciplinarian which meant beating me with belt or a tree branch when I transgressed his rules. He could ridicule and make fun of me when he thought I was acting too much like a girl (crying, when my hair got too long, wearing a cape I had). My mother also could make fun of my physical development sometimes. I became a lonely shutoff individual growing up and I still am.
On the plus side he always treated my mother well and never drank. He is man of strong moral character. He was also very intolerant of different people. I know that if I had ever been caught dressing by him, my life would have been a living hell. I probably would have been beaten to the point of abuse. I'm glad that never happened.
My father has Alzheimer's and his personality has done a 180. He is very sentimental and tells me he loves me all the time. He hugs me and the other day he kissed me on the cheek for the first time in my life. I'm enjoying this new side of my dad and we have a good relationship right now. I will not come out to my dad because there is no point. He would probably forget about it tomorrow. I'll wear my women's pants and a blouse around him and he doesn't know the difference.
Did my father make me who I am today or is it in my DNA. I don't know. I've always wanted to wear girl's clothes as long as I remember. My wife would say my parents goofed me up. So in the end it doesn't matter. I am who I am.
Brigid
So this is an effort to somehow connect why we crossdress to having a loving father or not?
If only life were that simple.
There are a thousand answers, there are no answers. In our world it’s the equivalent of asking the ‘the meaning of life’ [hitch hikers guide to the universe?] Or what happened before the ‘Big bang’
But keep trying girls, its fun.
My dad was wonderful by the way. And so was my mum.
He was good in some ways, but he was just a bit old to have an active young kid. Not just the age, but life had taken its toll on him. He drank, (but alcohol is totally different than drugs...) smoked LOT. The old bugger lasted till 80 though, he did cut down in his 60's, and stopped smoking then too. Never exercised, never really supported me at school, with a few notable exceptions. He was generally bitter, but responsible financially, though we did not have a lot of money. Did make us as a family get together and play games though- a serious saving grace.
Most of my siblings are wacked in way or another, i'm the only one who has stayed married for 22 years, I use a lot of the negative lessons I saw in him as reminders to constantly be careful of what I say or do- and while i fail at times like any human, I think i'm more patient than he was. It helped me be patient as a teacher- students love it, even though i may sometimes go to the point of diminishing returns- sometimes you need to be a bit strict to help someone get the point (doing homework). They were pretty critical of me too- they were just used to raising 4 other sibs before me- I was just another repetition in terms of how they raised me- never thought that I might be unique, even though they did things when I was growing up that they never put my sibs through.
I guess people from that generation were not as evolved in their mindset- not that they necessarily had the resources or help we do today.
So yeah, my folks were loving, not what i would call nurturing, and though i wish they had been different in some ways, I owe them my thanks and gratitude.
They never knew about my crossdressing- or at least till after i was out of the house. It might have helped them to understand me a little better, but it would not have caused a major change for the better, and there would have been net more negative effects. Their loss- I really looked cute in my sister's wedding dress, and her work uniform (airline ticket agent)!
I was never as close to my dad as I wanted to be, or thought I was. I have not spoken to the man who was around as I was growing up in about six years, even though he lives nearby. He ticked me off and basically tore my heart out of my chest. So it is what it is.
My biological father lives further away and I don't get over to see him very often. (I was 29 when we met) so we are more like friends then father and son.
My relationship with the women in the family is what made me me today.
I didn't have a relationship with mine. He was either off doing his own thing, or him and I didn't do anything when he was home. Oh, well.
I have no idea if this relates to my dressing, as I first dressed at the age of 15 or 16.
My dad was a great family man. His mother was a single parent back in the 1920's. As the youngest of three sons he grew up in a orphanage most of the time. Back then there was no such thing as welfare or charity care. Maybe that shaped his viewpoint on interaction with his kids. Unfortunately, he passed away from cancer right after I turned 18. Although he was a great guy, if he knew I was wearing my mother's clothes on occasion and later turned into a cross dresser, he would have a fit. As I stated in many postings, as a child of the 1950's and 1960's, cross dressing was associated with homosexuality. That generation during that time had no tolerance for such "deviancy." I'm sure looking down from above his attitude would have changed, be a little more tolerant, because he can see being a cross dresser has nothing to do with being a nurturing father and loving husband.
My Dad and I have always gotten along OK. I have little in common with him though. He has always lived for sports and as for me, I could care less about any of them. Nascar and Hockey maybe I like a little at times when I am in the mood and there isn't anything else going on. But those are two he don't care much for. Go figure. But, my mother and him divorced when I was 3 and I stayed with dad. He remarried when I was 5 and my step-mother (mom) and I never had the bond or shared the love a mother and son would have shared. I honestly don't know if that has anything to do with Larrissa or not. It is an interesting question though.
With my father and i it was complicated .He was way harder on me than he was my brother (my mom and bro have both agreed on this ) .I did get beat a couple of times and if my mom had not hid a lot of things i was doing ,it could of been worse
This led to us to not talking for many years and it was not until my seperation in my mid forties we finally started getting along for which im happy about .
In his defence he was a hard worker and always provided the family with what we needed and taught me a lot of things
As emotionally agonizing and abusive s it was, he never beat me up badly physically. He did beat my mom sometimes, in a fight. He always did work, and provide, too. Part of the problem, is I pitied him, so did not want to do well socially, or job wise, to show him up, or outdo him, making him look bad! Crazy!? Truth is, he had a harsh childhood, with being picked on by kids and a priest, then got drafted for the war. Went years without a raise, was ALCOHOLIC. I am trying to be friends with him, but CANNOT FIX HIM. Heck, i can't even FIX MYSELF! I must forgive him, and my family, or live in endless bitterness. That does not mean i APPROVE of his dysfunction, and guiltripping. God knows I am a basket case, too. It is said, that good can come out of all things. In the world to come, healing and restoration will come.
Yea I'm one of the lucky ones. My father was/is always around. He loves me and my mom very much and had no influence or anything to start dressing. I started simply because I wanted to :)
My relationship with dad evolved over the years. (imagine that). In the early years I dreaded the nights when mom was out and dad "babysat" because those always ended up in yelling & probably spankings.
I learned more about throwing a ball by throwing rocks at passing cars on the way home from school than playing catch with Dad. And I got pretty good at throwing rocks. And there is probably still a torn ACL to show for it.
We got along fine in teen years. He was into sailing and I got a slot on the crew. Aka Fore-deck Ape. One sibling was ejected from the boat and the others weren't interested. Good times! Best time was the last races of the season. It was a two race day. Dad took 3rd in the first race. I suggested the standings were set so why don't we swap roles. We made a great start (I'd made a study of start strategies) and landed a second in that race.
He wasn't always there when I needed him in the mid years. I recall some late afternoons wishing he were home. It hurt like hell later to find out he'd been catching up on his technical journals at the library rather than come home to be with his family. And evenings weren't much better. Most of the time he spent evenings in intellectual pursuit at his desk, again at the cost of spending time with the family.
But that was a more loving relationship than TWTBM*, a raging alcoholic and she gave off a strong "boys == bad, girls == good" vibe. In fact she introduced her children as "first came son X, then son Y, then came my success story Z". It doesn't take much insight, even at age 5, to deduce the logic of "girl == success", therefore "boy == failure" behind her statement
Once into dating age I really saw how TWTBM abused my dad on a daily basis. I vowed "if any woman treated me anywhere near as bad as she treated him, the'd be left on the sidewalk." And I did.
They made it to 50 years married before she died of cancer. But I'd cried my last tear for her and said my AMF's about 5 years before that. I'd had enough of her games.
So back to the relationship between dad and my CD-ness... IMHO, he has absolutely nothing to do with it. If anything, I blame TWTBM for implanting the "girl == success, boy == failure" idea at an early age.
OTOH, I take these lessons as a father.. I try to be there for my son. I coached several of his teams and supported several others and never missed a game. I avoid business travel like the plague. I may not be the ideal dad, but I do my best and avoid obvious "I'd rather be anywhere else" situations. $.02
*TWTBM = "the woman that bore me" Not to be confused with "mom". "Mom" implies a bunch of stuff that TWTBM does not. Kind of like the relationship between "Sperm donor" and "Dad" but not quite. If she had merely been an ova donor and walked away, the damage would not have been as severe. I am at a loss to come up with an analogy that describes an evil force left behind in the family structure. At least one sibling went into counseling to address dysfunctional family issues and seems to have resolved some issues...
I have had a great relationship with my dad growing up. He was always there to participate in all the activities I was involved in suchas little league and scouting. He has been there to offer me support in rough times during my life. He remains the same after I told both him and my mom about my dressing. I am still learning things from him after all these years. I couldn't ask for a better father growing up.
Dad was very nurturing when he wasn't at work he drove a truck in the oil field in new Mexico (like I did before it went away) sometimes he would be gone for a couple of days or even a couple weeks. It was ny mother who beat the crap outta me especially when he wasn't there to stop her
Nope. He was distant, unloving and verbally abusive. This continued until his retirement. Since then, some 20 years ago, he has mellowed quite a bit, acknowledged how bad a father he was most of his life and is trying genuinely to make up for lost time. We have a good relationship now, except we both don't talk politics, lol.
My dad has always been kind hardworking and loving to me and my sister and to my mother. Unfortunately he worked in an industry that had him away alot and my mom used that time to beat me for every little thing. I tried to post this once I guess I didn't get ut done
I always had a good relationship with my father. He was highly educated, a decorated WW II veteran, had a good white collar job, and worked hard. He and my mother were married for 40 years before he passed away, and his relationship with her was absolutely normal, i.e. they weren't Ozzie and Harriet, but they weren't Archie and Edith either. I was a multi-sport athlete as a kld, and although my Dad traveled a lot, he attended every one of my games or track meets when he was at home. He taught me how to make a proper martini and manhattan, and wisely directed me to a liberal arts college when all my teachers were pushing me towards engineering schools.
Although with the wisdom of hindsight I now understand there were indications, I never consciously realized I was a bi- crossdresser, and certainly never acted out, until after both my parents were dead, so CDing, or concealing it aren't part of our family history. I believe that he would have been upset, but accepting.