My answer is "yes" and "no". During intimacy, I love to dress and act as female. I will be happy if my wife dresses and acts as male. During lovemaking, she can imagine that she is a normal genetic male and enjoy or use me as a normal GG. I will be excited and happy. But in professional and social life outside the bed room, I like my male role.
There is a great Shakespeare quote stuck in my mind, but because I am so old, it won't come out, but Shanangan has cut me to the quick with the stereotypical old people lumping..........lol I know what you are saying, just won' bring myself to say it. I hate some of us "olders." This fantasy requires the wife wanting/requesting it. Can't accept even that first step. We have a very equitable arrangement and nothing would ever ever get her to change that, especially not that we are retired. However, when she was a public school teacher, she would have objected even more strenuously (to the point of shooting herself in the foot) to putting the work on her dealing daily with those little sh*ts as the only income source. She is way too pragmatic.
Barbara
If she wanted to, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
I'm sorry. It's not really a jab towards the older generation necessarily...but, people that hold onto/perpetuate beliefs in a dynamic society. I mean, I'm in Alabama...I grew up in the middle of nowhere and there is still a group of old, white dudes that Still gets together in bedsheets and share the common ground of white supremacy. There are younger generations like this, but largely we don't care. My grandparents grew up in the 1950s, but they are pretty advanced on gender and racial views. They changed and enhanced their views as society changes. In other words, their age gives them wisdom and perspective on situations. However, there ARE people that never change or enhance their views based on their experiences. To be fair, many younger people fit into this category too. But, the general issues on gender, race, and sexuality remain a problem for the older generations...not the new voting population. I'm sure there will be dramatic changes in the future. But, even some things bleed over...like my friends (of my age) being shocked that my boyfriend does laundry. Clearly my vagina delegates that as my task. But, it's not too surprising when I go to a Baptist church with my mother (I am not Christian) and the topic is basically the woman's role in the household and how it's God's will that the husband is the head of the house. This is what my friends are hearing and repeating. It makes my relationship and way of looking at things feel very radical...which, it's really not. I find this post interesting because it does address preconceived gender roles and it sees who is willing to buy into them. Then, you have an opposing end that strains so hard against assigned gender roles and stressing doing what you like, that there is indirect emphasis on gender roles.
I personally think you should just do whatever you want. I don't think gender roles should have much to do with it. Obviously, work has got to get done...it's easiest just to give a person the chore that they actually like. (More likely to get done). If you need a maid's outfit and a f*cking marching band in leotards to do it, then go for it as long as you actually do it. In general what I see though is that the "gender role" activities and dressing in what is stereotyped of that activity is at greater emphasis with populations that are raised with such emphasis. But, it might be a little uncomfortable to you if I go in "black face" to some rap festival. You would call me a racist. And, it's completely racist. But, cleaning a house in a wig, high heels, and a dress and declaring you feel like a woman is sexist in the same rationality. However, it MAY mean that some people are less likely to see that association if they grew up in a time that this was completely normal and not sexist. In general though, that's exactly how it comes off to a majority of society. I admit I am a little desensitized to sexist comments/actions that may be due to where I grew up...but, this was the same area that fosters a group of grown men running around in bed sheets thinking they are better because they have different skin pigmentation. Most people see them as completely irrational...but, it gets to be some weird logical leap to apply the same rationale to other groups of people.
In the end, there's so little that makes people happy in the world. I don't see the crossdresser fantasizing about female domination and wearing skirts to clean the house as a major threat to GGs or our status in society. But, nonCDs do see this activity and make the same wrong/stereotypical associations. So, it's a little food for thought for those that are interested in TG rights and how people view crossdressing. As a GG...no threat to me in how you clean or what you write on a forum about how you want to be treated (not you in particular) in regards to somewhat sexist ideology. However, other people do watch and make conclusions. Interesting fact, this site was a research tool in my Human Sexuality class in our research on TG issues.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barbara Ella
I'll take this a fantasy type thread. Too bad it is based on old school stereotype roles as some members have mentioned. Marriages are supposed to be partnerships of equals. Subjecting young children to a CD in a mother's role may not be in their best interest either, so I have no answer to this one.Quote:
Originally Posted by seanmuscle
Not married (yet), but close enough, and pretty much am the girl in the relationship.. Most of the time. Works great for us. Who is more dominant does not play into our gender identity though.
Well said, Shananigans!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shananigans
I do not want to lead but I do not want to be lead, I do not want to be dominated and become very stubborn when people try but I have no interest in dominating others either.
I flee when confronted by submissive or dominant people.
I do not wear a skirt, clean and cook because I'm passive, I do it because it gives me pleasure for myself independant of what others want or think.
I have dated women whose children when they knew I was no longer going to date their mother asked her if they could go with me because nurturing and bonding with children is innate for me and I have a natural patience and empathy for children.
The word dominant makes me apprehensive because of my concerns for partner abuse.
I don't know exactly how it would work out, because I haven't had the opportunity to 'be the woman' in a relationship. Besides, lots of women don't want to 'just be the woman'. It's the 21st century, women have expanded their lives tremendously, and rightly so. I just want the opportunity to not have to be the one in the lead, and in charge and responsible for everything, for achange. A 50/50 situation would be perfectly fine with me too. But if I only had the choice of being the subordinate one, in order to be able to wear and behave how I feel I am supposed to, I think I could live with that. I'm an 'affection first' and 'sex second' type of person, and so are most women, so I think I could make it work.
We can both be girls in our relationship.
There are no leaders, only the blind leading the blind.
We both have a share of "control" and very little "Kaos" or is that chaos?
A lot of interesting and diverse replies in this thread.
We take turns with the laundry, dishes, and housecleaning. We even have a maid come in twice a month for the heavy duties. My children are grown so that's a moot point with us. The SO loves to dress in her maid outfit and dust, but that's about it. Not a lot of cleaning gets done so I think a lot of it is fantasy in her head. As a GG I don't take offense to anything in this thread. My thinking is that as long as the stuff gets done then who cares what she wears? Plus, she looks mighty sexy in that maid outfit :o
I think it woulds depend if that meant getting rid of my male side all together? Both sides make up who I am as a person and there are times I enjoy being masculine and manly and others where I am completely feeling cute and girly. So on the one hand, yes Kaite would be in love with that set up and while en femme I could easily let her wear the pants an be leader of the household. But if that meant suppressing my male side (for me anyways, all us girls are obv different and thats why we are all awesome!) would be just as detrimental as suppressing my feminine side.
Yes, in a heart beat if I had someone the way it is now my feminine side enjoys doing the housework. My male side despises doing anything other than loading the dishwasher or doing the laundry.
Did my wife want me to be the girl in our relationship ? Probably not,about 15 years ago,during an argument,she accused me of being female.She told me that I was girl,and that I should accept my female gender....I immediately said she was crazy, and I denied her allegations....I guess I wasn't hiding who I was after all..All my life I secretly knew I was female, so sometime later I confided in my wife,which is what I should have done earlier....She taught me to accept myself,and to accept my true gender...After all I was still the same person...Once I did that , and accepted being TS, she supported me emotionally..she told me that she always considers that she is also married a female..I notice she gives me emotional support and tenderness when she thinks I need it...In many areas I have become her wife, and more submissive...She wears the pants in some situations ,so I guess she is more dominant...We have been married 33 years and have two grown kids..They know about me, and my relationship with them remains strong ...I continue as a male outwardly,but emotionally and the way I look at life is totally female....So ,at times ,I do have husband, and I am her wife. I think the relationship works for both of us.....Heather Jo-Anne :cheer:
I'll be there
Sign me up
Lyndaloves
Would I become the girl in the relationship if my wife asked? Good question - but - what does become the girl mean?
Since retirement five years ago - I do most of the house cleaning, including washing and drying dishes. She hates to cook - I love to cook - so that job falls on me also. Since she is at work, and I am at home, laundry is another one of the jobs I took over from her when I retired. I also take care of grocery shopping - making the bed but she like to mow the lawn so I gladly let her do that. Unfortunately, snow removal is still one of the "manly" jobs that I have kept.
Clothes??? about the house all day I dress fully feminine - from the skin out - skirts or dress daily - light make up daily - and I have even let my hair grow to the point where that it could almost pass as a girl's hair style.
Would I become the girl in the relationship? I think I already have --------- and it is great!
How does my wife feel about it? After 40 years of marriage - she goes with the flow and brags about all the housework and cooking that I do to her co-workers. She doesn't mention how I dress - for which I am greatful.
CE
We did that for 6their months when I was down with shoulder tendonitus but it wasn't as me being the wife at least not outwardly because I couldn't dress with 1the bad wing and she shuts wasn't gonna dress me en femme she knew about it but wasn't cool with it wel she still isn't but then she was dead against it. And I would kill for a lesbian relationshipbwith her but that isn't to be either
Unless being submissive is your natural tendancy anyway, this sort of thing will never work. Never have been comfortable being told what to do or how to do it, dressed or not, and being a type A personality I usually fall onto the leadership side in most situations, anyway. So, no, not for me.
I don't think it should necessarily be taken as a forced feminization fantasy... Although in the original post I will say it does almost sound that way with the brief summary of the question.
I would say this, that it could work to a certain degree. But not a complete role reversal. I know a family that functions very will and the man is not the main bread winner in the house. The wife has a very successful career so her husband just works a part time job in the mornings. Then he is the one who picks the kids up from school, makes dinner, and does most of the household stuff. So I would say parts of a role reversal can work but not a complete one eighty in my opinion, not in MOST cases at least.
I would be OK with not being the one who brings home the biggest paycheck. I wouldn't be intimidated by having a wife who is smarter than me with a more successful career. I would actually love to stay at home and homeschool my kids whenever I get around to that point in my life. I think there are elements of that lifestyle that I would love. But there would still be some situations in which I would have to be the man.
OK, my train of thought ended so I'm gonna stop here...
I've been thinking about this thread since it was initiated almost a week ago because the question is fascinating to me. My conclusion for myself is as follows. I would want to adopt a "girl" role completely and permanently, I'm pretty sure, under the following conditions, but not otherwise:
1. My wife would long to dominate and use me.
2. Although (1) seems downright unfriendly, her whole approach would be loving and in a way "gentle." She wouldn't raise her voice to me. She would simply tell me what to do in a kind, feminine way, and I would do it without hesitation or thought.
3. She would actually enjoy subjecting me to tedium, humiliation, frustration, and a certain amount of pain.
4. She would want to make all the decisions, control all the money, and exercise all the power.
5. She would have very good judgment and her decisions would always be sound and safe.
6. She would give enough attention to our arrangement that I couldn't get away with the slightest deviation. She would be somewhat obsessive about making sure that I obeyed in every detail, and about punishing me if I didn't, even for unintentional mistakes.
7. She would never get tired of the arrangement.
That's about all I would need :) It may seem odd that a person would want this, but my current wife and I actually tried this for a few weeks and they were the happiest time of my life. I didn't even begin to get tired of being a slave, but my wife grew weary of her role. I don't blame her and our marriage is still wonderful.
Lisa
Stacy B has it down to a tee, the SO IS the BOSS !
Whether we want to admit it or not, mostly out of love for our SO's, we respect their feelings to the point of always following their leads. We hide and withhold our true self, so as not to upset them. We dress and act only up to the point that they are comfortable. If we are really lucky, we are given "Carte Blanche", and are able to pursue our feelings to our hearts desires, whatever they may be.
This sometimes this means we may have to take the lead, to our SO's relief and wishes. I have wondered, am i crossdressing because i am submissive, or am i submissive because i am crossdressing.
Two interesting things just came up. The first was this weekend , when i watched an action flick on TV, while dressed enfemme, my wife has decided only "chick flicks" while dressed, i can appreciate that. The other was that she came to work with me the other day, and when we got home she busted out laughing. As she was taking her bra off, i was putting mine on.
i like to think that i am one of the girls i this relationship, and i can only hope one day to equal to who she already is.
I would just like to find a woman that would stand along beside me and help me like I would help her being single now for 10 years I do all my own houshold chores bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan.
My SO and I live a somewhat vanilla, everyday, middle class, middle American lifestyle. With a few minor exceptions I would say that both of us are guilty of all 7 behaviors at one time or another. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Organza
REALLY interesting question. Actually, my current role within the marriage is as "the girl." I guess this transition happened gradually, as our relationship developed. But my wife has always been more dominant, the primary breadwinner and overall just a better leader in our relationship. A while back, we reached an arrangement where I would fulfill the domestic role and be her support system in every way. We're at the point know where I'm working @ home (as the girl) almost 40 hours per week. When she arrives from work, the house is cleaned, dinner is ready and I have wine in hand. It's a great feeling to be the girl in the relationship and I highly encourage other girls out there to give it a try.
Gawd I only wish it was this simple.Quote:
Originally Posted by seanmuscle
But my wife is clearly a sub, no dom in her at all.
We are past the child years and this year son turns 18.
I'd be tickled pink if she told me I was getting the operation getting the dress and getting all the housework.
I'd even let her live the life of a do nothing husband if she wanted.
But she has no sense when it comes to shopping for the groceries. She can't make 100 bucks last as long as I can stretch 50.
Every place we have lived in, was set up by me. I routinely change the furniture. I see to it stuff gets bought.
And to be honest, when she gets sick, well Leslie is out his play time, but that is about the size of it.
When I get sick, the place goes to hell.
I already AM the housewife, I just don't have the title officially.