I do believe that once you have worn womans clothes, you are a CDer for life.
I once went 3 years with out putting on a single womans item; I was just way to
involved with work and family at the time.
Now that I am retired, well let say the Pendulum is swinging the other side of center.
Rader
IMO it does make you a crossdresser, but your wardrobe will get bigger and bigger as time goes on and you will likely more were female apparel at the same time. Best wishes.
Surely there's something that could be done with this idea? Cut down on crime, e.g. Anyone who commits a felony would be required to CD while in prison. When he/she gets out, what's that going to do for his/her image? And think of all the doubts, guilt and shame we've all been through. Maybe that would slow them down. And don't tell me that constitutes "cruel and unusual punishment". Unusual until it becomes commonplace. And who among us would call being forced to CD "cruel"?Quote:
Originally Posted by RADER
Just a thought. Best wishes, Annabelle
I look at it this way... When I borrowed a pair of my wifes panties to wear under a very tight pair of leather pants for a costume party because my boxer breifs were too bulky, that was not crossdressing. When I continued to wear womens panties even thought I owned almost identical mens bikini breifs just becuase they were womens panties, that was crossdressing.
And sitting here now in panties, bra with forms, skirt and female top with my toes painted pink, well, that is definately crossdressing. :)
what about guys that get all dressed up for a bar's drag contest as a joke? I've seen these a couple of times at a ski area, and I think some of the guys might be secret CDs, but others are just being good sports.
Sometimes crossdressers don't feel the need to dress up for a little while. That happens to me from time to time.
But for me personally, I don't consider myself to be crossdressing until I'm in just women's clothing, even though some days I may want to relax in a bra
Yes. Yes. Yes. If he likes the feel of pantyhose, or panties you can pretty much bet he is a crossdresser!
Thanks for the replies everyone, sorry I haven't been able to get on the computer for a few days.
I defeniatly think he's working through some strong inner feelings and still trying to hide even from himself. I think he thinks if it's only a little or just one thing then that's ok? And it got me wondering too. We haven't really talked much about it lately, just little quick conversations here and there.
I try not to talk about CDing in relation to his GF, not my business, actually none of his relationship is my business and I try to keep my opinions to myself. BUT the other day we were talking about painting his nails and how he can't in the summer she might see it and the conversation went in a not so good direction. She doesn't know about the dressing, any of it and I said something about his relationship and he jumped on me saying it was all fine. Well if it's so fine then why doesn't she know about this entire side of you and what you struggle with ( I'm assuming) daily?? I didn't say that of course but that's what I WANTED to say. How can her not knowing a huge part of you be ok? How can you not being able to be you all the time be ok?
I don't know I guess I'm still all confused about this whole thing.
I can share with you some observations I've made over the years. Every once in awhile there will be a member who will actually welcome a non-accepting partner. I know this seems counter-intuitive, but it does happen. These CDers say they are embarrassed to dress in front of their partners, or they don't feel comfortable doing it. Several CDers didn't want the CDing to go any further than it had, and they rather liked having the sort of built-in control of not having the opportunity to dress whenever they might want to.Quote:
Originally Posted by crossdressersfriend GG
This forum is filled with people who for the most part, have accepted the CDing within themselves. But there are lots of CDers out there who haven't and who wouldn't dream of joining a forum such as this one, even though privately they might occasionally go to the trans porn sites. Or just lurk here. And I'm guessing that even for many of our members, there were years of purging cycles and wishing this would go away. I can't begin to describe the conflict that many GMs experience when they feel urges to dress as women, especially when combined with a fear that their SOs might think they are "lesser men" for doing this. Male socialisation is very strong and if someone doesn't have the personality to be flexible, or perhaps even the right background, it's not unheard of they would hate to see a feminine identity in themselves. So in this case, the barriers to the Cding are internal just as much as, if not more than, the external barriers of non-accepting spouses.
If there is such a thing, you need to find a forum of CDers who haven't accepted themselves and ask about why your friend behaves the way he does. You might find answers there that are closer to his truth.
My SO told me, way in the beginning of our relationship, that it was important for me to not always assume that he wanted to dress and more important, to always respect when he didn't. Not to sound like Yoda, but everyone must follow their own path.
This really makes sense for me! I do think that he's with her and stays because if the "normalness" of the whole thing. & I'm sure he loves her too, don't get me wrong. He's thought for so long how bad what he does is and that no one will accept him if they knew the truth and I think he actually believes it now? This keeps him in check, he can't let it get out of hand or she'll find out and life as he knows it will be over.Quote:
Originally Posted by ReineD
Which is maybe why he doesn't want to dress in any more stuff than he can easily hide or can get form her wardrobe. It's contained and talking about it or enjoying it threatens that containment, it already has now one person knows, me.
Right. It's a way to self-edit. But also, we tend to think it is always a non-accepting society that causes CDers to feel ashamed of themselves to the point they don't want to CD. While this may be true for some CDers, for others it is their own self-editing, their own inner masculinity or personality traits that will not give reign to any more feminine expression than is necessary (even if this MIGHT change down the road), and honestly they're happy and feel fulfilled that way even though this may be hard to understand for many of the CDers who are in this forum. The members here seek this place out specifically because they do have a great enough need to be feminine.
Not every CDer feels the need to express the same degree of femininity. And for those who have a lesser need, it is not always due to feeling repressed by a biased society. At the same time, the CDers who do want to express a greater degree of femininity do need to overcome societal bias.
Yeah I'm kind of thinking what he's done is enough for now, he's content with dressing for someone to see what it felt like, but just doesn't want to go any further down that road right now. Which is fine! Stockings and panties once in a while to relax will work!
I do think that just talking about it has helped more than the dressing. He confided in someone and they didn't run screaming for the door, it was all ok. He can talk about it if he wants, but if not we're good with other subjects too, it's a good combination.
I think coming to a forum would be way too much for him to handle too, I haven't told him I even come here, that would be too much. But I need to talk to someone I can't tell anyone! Damn secrets!
CDfriend, you should just tell yourself you have a friend who likes to wear pantyhose and panties once in awhile, and just leave it at that. It's no big deal, really.Quote:
Originally Posted by crossdressersfriend GG
And one last thing, it sounds as if your friend sees his CDing as a rather intimate, private thing. And so he may well have felt as if he was emotionally cheating on his girlfriend by having shared something so private with you, and since he loves her he may feel as if he shouldn't have done that. You should respect this and maybe try to just let it go.
I believe if a man limits his wearing of feminine attire to one garment, e.g., panties, he is probably not a cross dresser. I would say he has a fetish, especially if the fetish is sexually motivated. However, I do believe there are true cross dressers who are resisting their psychological predisposition to engage in cross dressing. They may be resisting but 'sneaking' some forbidden fruit by wearing panties. It sounds like your friend is still conflicted about his cross dressing.
And, yes, I will agree with Annabelle, that the woman would call him a cross dresser. I really think you have to explore the man's mindset on his level of femininity; 0% to 100%.
Right again I'm sure Reine. I'm not dwelling on it, it's a part of him but not one he wants to explore any more than he has already and I'm good with that.Quote:
Originally Posted by ReineD
That's why I haven't been around as much nothing really going on, I guess that happens with lots of peoplo here from time to time.
You should try talking to him about it. He might want someone to talk to about how he feels. -KQuote:
Originally Posted by crossdressersfriend GG
the biggest thing a crossdresser fears is shame and rejection let your boyfriend know you are ok with his dressing and you love and accept him and even be willing to help him dress he will love you beyond your wildest hope buy him some sexy like a bra and panty set and get a matching one for yourself and show him you want him to be happy and comfortable when he is with you make love to him while he is dressed he will never look for anyone else
I think we often assume that every CD would be dressed in a feminine manner at every chance. Maybe a few articles of clothes and the occasional "full-on" dressing session is enough for your friend? Maybe it's too much work? My SO loves to look feminine and knows he has the green light to dress how he wants to dress. However, when it comes down to spending 3-4 hours getting ready while I play Fallout, he gets annoyed. So, he will often paint his nails or wear a nightie more often than he goes all out en femme. We both agree that the end results are nice, but neither of us actually likes getting ready. So, sometimes it comes down to him enjoying being in a nightie and playing a video game...instead of being in the bathroom for hours while I'm marching around the Wastelands without him.
I think with everything in life there should be a happy balance. Maybe he has found a good balance that is a bit different than some members on this site?