Have you ever had issues when going out En Femme?

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Originally Posted by ReineD

One thing I think might be helpful to the OP, is if members responding state whether or not they go to TG friendly places only (support groups, GLBT clubs, etc), or if they are out in the mainstream.

If someone says they've never had a problem and they only go to support groups and/or gay/trans friendly areas with other CDers, it can be misleading to someone who wants to go to a grocery store in their neighborhood. :p

Likewise, there's a difference between living in a small town where the inhabitants aren't accustomed to a diverse population, and living in a major urban area where it's fairly easy to be anonymous. It's all relative.

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This is a great point thanks for posting this.
My city has a population around 300k so not much chance of any one my friends clocking me when I'm out enfemme.
I stay in busy areas to be safe and never do late night strolls alone.
Grocery shopping, going to the mall or out to restaurants has never been a problem.
I dress to blend in not to stand out.If out at night I will dress nicely to match the situation or event I may be going to.
My current GF and I went out and had a great time she really made the night seem more natural.
It was her first time out with me enfemme so a learning curve for her but she did very well and enjoyed it quite a bit.

A few times I have been out in guy mode wearing femme clothes and had some teen boys give me a hard time.
They were talking about kicking my backside for being a freak.I talked smack right back and told them bring it on one at a time or all at once because I love to fight.
I think the smile on my face in anticipation made them think twice.LOL
I learned that day that blending in was a better idea.

Back in the day, I visited a wig shop in the mall, run by a guy. I was dressed en femme. When he took off my wig, he noticed my head was shaven and asked if I was a cancer patient. When I said no just a guy with a shaved head, he stopped the sales.

I have been out dresses enfem to a movie, Walmart, 2 gay bars, and a Syfi convention. For the most part I have had some nice complements on my appearance, a couple of drunks that got vocal about their displeasure on my appearance, and I have been asked to "go out" by a couple of gay men who made it plain they wanted sex ( separate ocasions each time).
For the most part people don't have time to worry a out someone they don't know from Adom. Each time I go out is a gamble the best bet is to avoid places you think could put you in danger.

i go out quite regulerly to a gay pub in brisbane. the only issues i get is drunken men trying to chat me up, but i easily get rid of them. a cuppla times my dress or skirt has been too long and when i've sat down, someone has stood on the hem, but thats it.
one night i was dancing with a guy, and my high heels strap split.

I was leaving a restaurant in Atlanta once and my skirt started to head towards the floor!:eek:
I caught it quickly and made my exit.:heehee:
I was heading out the door when a lady said to me, "Let me hold the door for you.":D

I know that when I go out dressed, which is not that often, I can be perfectly dressed with perfect make-up, and still look like a guy.
I have by no means been perfect anyway. So, when I do get out, I know that I will be "clocked" and then "watched".:heehee:
You have to get to the point of, don't GiveAShit!

Usually mine are when my underwear doesn't co-operate.:heehee::)

A bad experience for me is "Oh sir!, er sorry madam." I would love to be called miss:)
Dislike 14 year old girls immensley. I have a Teenage girl alarm that comes in kit form from Radio Shack....
Most places are large, but I visit small towns.
Close to home I am wary of my surroundings.
No real problems, only a couple of stares occasionally

Personally, I have never had a "bad" experience. I have been going out for many years to a large variety of venues. However, I
do not go to places where there might be a possibility of a "bad" experience. I also do not go to such places as a male.

I am careful where I go and if I get a bad vibe I listen to my feelings. That said I have been to restaurants, all kinds of stores either alone or with others. I have yet to have a problem and I know no matter how well I do I will not pass for any period of time. Most people are too preoccupied to notice, and most others are too polite to acknowldge. Of the rest I get usually get complements (from the women) and from the men I usually get very little response if any.

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Originally Posted by ReineD

One thing I think might be helpful to the OP, is if members responding state whether or not they go to TG friendly places only (support groups, GLBT clubs, etc), or if they are out in the mainstream.

If someone says they've never had a problem and they only go to support groups and/or gay/trans friendly areas with other CDers, it can be misleading to someone who wants to go to a grocery store in their neighborhood. :p

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The odd thing with me is that I've actually been in more less-than-comfortable situations when out with a CDing group than when I've been out in the mainstream with Mimi or another couple. None of these have been particularly scary, but when you're out with a group, even in a TG-friendly place, you pretty much know that you've been made, whereas in the mainstream I can blend much better. People glance at one tall woman, but they gawk at a group of a dozen tall women!

My first time out my presentation needed some work and I received some looks and stares, since then I have planned my outfits better and improved my movement. The last few times I went out I felt like I was treated totally like a woman. Sometimes the first eye contact I can see the question in their eyes but after I smile they always return it and are very friendly. I had a cashier at walmart that I thought had read me but I had a heavy item in the basket and she came around the counter and scanned it before I could even try to lift it out. In male mode they always wait for me to do it for them.

The only issues I have run into were entirely inside my own head. Everyone else has been just so very nice. I do find it odd that though I've never had any issues with other people when out en femme, I'm still nervous. That is what I mean that all the issues are in my own head.

Hannah

Tara, yes he knew I am tg,,, even tried to guess my age, asked if I wouldn't mind showing some of my real hair (under my wig,), I did so he thought I was about mid 40's,,, what a compliment ,,, :)

As someone who hasn't ventured out quite yet, I just want to say I find all of the comments here very encouraging. Thanks!

I went out again on Friday and it went great. I was more confident and even went inside Macys at the mall but only for about 3 minutes. It was def. a thrill and I'm sure it will get easier as I get out more often. I even made a pit stop at a McDonalds and when leaving a man opened and held the door open for me. I smiled at him and he smiled back.

I have to say that I remember my nights out by how many good things happen. Compliments, a fun look or wink from a GG, having fun with new people all figure in that. In the hundreds of times I've gone out I had only a handful of minor bad experiences. Check out this thread for those specifics http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...t=#post2852503 .

I've never been physically assaulted, arrested, threatened. Those things do happen, just like in regular life, but rarely. I go all sorts of places and people are generally either nuetral, curious, or very enthusiastic. I find a practiced hand at makeup, careful wardrobe choices and a smile are the beginnings of a good outing.

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Originally Posted by ReineD

One thing I think might be helpful to the OP, is if members responding state whether or not they go to TG friendly places only (support groups, GLBT clubs, etc), or if they are out in the mainstream.

If someone says they've never had a problem and they only go to support groups and/or gay/trans friendly areas with other CDers, it can be misleading to someone who wants to go to a grocery store in their neighborhood. :p

Likewise, there's a difference between living in a small town where the inhabitants aren't accustomed to a diverse population, and living in a major urban area where it's fairly easy to be anonymous. It's all relative.

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There are no 'TG friendly' places, just your own attitude. You can go any place you want. There are 'closet TG friendly' places like closed, seceret Tri-Es meetungs where everyone can hide together.
I've said it before, will say it again and again, the only thing that keeps you from going en femme anywhere you would normally go as a guy, is you. If you believe differently, I invite you to Dallas, I'll take you anyplace you want, I'll go en femme, and you are welcome to accompany me en drab.
Please stop With the TG friendly myth.

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Originally Posted by JessHaust

There are no 'TG friendly' places, just your own attitude. You can go any place you want. There are 'closet TG friendly' places like closed, seceret Tri-Es meetungs where everyone can hide together.
I've said it before, will say it again and again, the only thing that keeps you from going en femme anywhere you would normally go as a guy, is you. If you believe differently, I invite you to Dallas, I'll take you anyplace you want, I'll go en femme, and you are welcome to accompany me en drab.
Please stop With the TG friendly myth.

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I agree with Jess.
My first outing was at a Tri-Ess meeting (chapter Sigma Nu Rho) at a hotel near a major military base. The night ended up with me and some of the girls at the hotel restaurant/bar that was loaded with guys in military fatigues. Was treated great, and didn't have a problem. Now, often we meet at an all night New jersey style diner near a drag strip (the car kind) and it is loaded with the Billy Bob racing crowd on a Saturday night. We've had a few snickety comments by a few patrons once in a while, but the staff loves us. ...still no problems.
I was out this past Friday night at a French restaurant, and an Irish pub loaded with college kids and twentysomethings in a very conservative & and very affluent town with a member of this forum, and still we got treated great by everybody. I was wearing a plum colored dress, and wedge heels.
I do make an effort to be presentable as any woman does. It's actually fun to go shopping to the mall or the supermarket in women's dress-down clothes like a T-shirt or feminine top, jeans, earrings, and rhinestone flip-flops showing my painted nails. It doesn't aways have to be a short dress or heels.

But again, I agree with Jess....most of it is in your head.

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Originally Posted by JessHaust

There are no 'TG friendly' places, just your own attitude. You can go any place you want. There are 'closet TG friendly' places like closed, seceret Tri-Es meetungs where everyone can hide together..

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And GLBT clubs and bars. And gay-friendly areas in larger cities where it is not uncommon to run into a transperson who is not stealth. That's what I meant. These are the "safer" places that a lot of newly out CDers often feel more comfortable going to, while they work on fine-tuning their presentation and until they develop their sea legs to going out in the mainstream. :)

If someone just goes out to tranny bars and reports no problems, this is misleading to someone who might want to go grocery shopping.

My SO and I have gone out for years everywhere and our experiences mirror everyone else's here, unless they live in Utopia. Some strangers won't notice, most strangers don't care, and most will keep their opinions to themselves if they do notice. And some people are even friendly to the idea. But, some people aren't and they will show it, even though this is rare (whether stares, smirks, or outright insults). Also it's a good idea to stay away from certain places like red-neck bars at 3 AM.

I have only been out a fue times whould love to be out more. Just not in a smal town. Everyone knows everything. The first time I when out all dressed up was halloween whent out to the bar my butt is still sor from the gals slaping, and pinching it. I had alot of fun the next time I when out was to a mall to look for some new cloths. All was find at first tell the clurck called the mall cop thay whched me like a halk. I think thay thought I was a shoplifter or somthing like that. But after some time there all was fine. Thay even let me try on the clothing I had picked out and led me to a great pair of boots to go with my new skirt amd top. Even told me of there buy one get one free panties I got 4 :) So realy it was a good exp. Thay just didn't know what to think. The mall is in a bigger town then mine, but not by much.

about 3 mos. after the mall exp. I whent for a walk in my small town. everything whent just fine. Had some guys wisele at me. Other then that it was just a walk.

I live in a major metropolitan area and been in many others and never experienced a problem. I am frequently and very out in the mainstream and this includes flying multiple times. It has been all good and no bad.

I agree with the idea of TG-friendly places is a bit of a mental creation. Every place I have been has been friendly. However, GLBT places tend to be more overtly open and you are less likely to stand out. If I'm taking someone out for their first public outings, we go to the GLBT friendly places since it is more comfortable for them and others tend to more freely talk and interact with you than in more mainstream places. You also run into other t-girls, and they are usually welcoming to the new girls.

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Originally Posted by Melissa Rose

I live in a major metropolitan area and been in many others and never experienced a problem. I am frequently and very out in the mainstream and this includes flying multiple times. It has been all good and no bad.

I agree with the idea of TG-friendly places is a bit of a mental creation. Every place I have been has been friendly. However, GLBT places tend to be more overtly open and you are less likely to stand out. If I'm taking someone out for their first public outings, we go to the GLBT friendly places since it is more comfortable for them and others tend to more freely talk and interact with you than in more mainstream places. You also run into other t-girls, and they are usually welcoming to the new girls.

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Shounds great kinda makes me whanna dress up and go out on the town.

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Originally Posted by Melissa Rose

I live in a major metropolitan area and been in many others and never experienced a problem. I am frequently and very out in the mainstream and this includes flying multiple times. It has been all good and no bad.

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I just thought about something else. You look great in your avatar and my SO looks great too. But, (I'm not sure how to say this delicately), not every person who learns to put on makeup, has a great wig, and has impeccable taste in clothing will be able to blend-in to the same degree. Some people have stronger male gender cues in their physiognomy and their appearance won't be as coherent. Sadly, these people might experience more bias than others.

Just to avoid problems, first try to dress to blend in. If you go out looking like a hooker or wear something over the top like a wedding dress, that is when you can run into problems.

OK so when out with your blending in femme self, the next best thing to avoid trouble is to avoid riff raff. Decent people are not going to start problems or say anything but riff raff is likely to. If you don't know what riff raff looks like, then i direct you to the site peopleofwalmart.com

EDIT - the only time I had any real problems, it was just people talking crap. I had decided to go to the mall on a saturday night wearing a black mini-dress, heels, and black hose.
The mall. Saturday night. The time and place where all the teenagers are at. That was real smart of me.

There have been a few other times people had stupid comments but once again- it was from the riff raff crowd.

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Originally Posted by ReineD

I just thought about something else. You look great in your avatar and my SO looks great too. But, (I'm not sure how to say this delicately), not every person who learns to put on makeup, has a great wig, and has impeccable taste in clothing will be able to blend-in to the same degree. Some people have stronger male gender cues in their physiognomy and their appearance won't be as coherent. Sadly, these people might experience more bias than others.

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I agree how well you blend in can make a difference and so does how overt your masculine traits that cannot be disguised or hidden. I tend to use the 80/20 rule or a variation of it a lot, and it seems to work in most cases. Out of 100 cross dressers, 10 are going to present and blend in extremely well, 10 are going to be very obviously male and would not pass at 100 feet (might as well have a flashing neon sign) and 80 are going to be somewhere in between. It is the 10 who are obvious that stand a greater probability of having a bad experience due to the behavior of others. The 80 will be fine except if they draw undue attention to themselves by inappropriate dress or behavior. It is usually a challenge when taking out new girls since they tend to way over dress even when you tell them not to. I dress to blend in which also helps not to draw attention to myself. I know I get read, but as long as your presentation is within general standards, most people will leave you alone or at worse stare a little longer than normal. And you can't forget that is not only about the way you look, it is also secondary factors such as body language and mannerisms. Those will get you read as fast or faster than your appearance in some cases.

If you are venturing out for the first time, I would recommend not doing it alone. Find someone with some experience, go with them, and learn from them. It will also make it easier and you will probably feel safer.