i just got use to it, there going to think what they want anyway.
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i just got use to it, there going to think what they want anyway.
I think you are over reacting. Crossdressing is something that 99% of the publicno nothing about. It has taken decades for gays to be accepted to the minimal level they are now. Crossdressing is a whole other universe. The term "tansgender" will connotate the impressing of sex change. I do not think it is fair to expect the public at large to understand such a small segment of the population. If you choose to educate, more power to you.
I don't really think its an unusual question. The individuals who ask are seeking information - or a confirmation of their stereotypical view of who CDrs are. And each time you answer, you help clarify that misperception. Think of it as your little contribution to educating the public.
You can't know for sure [can you???] if they are trying to offend/belittle you OR if they simply are like 95% of the population and simply do not know any better.
Clearly Reine is one of the brightest, sharpest cookies here???????
SHE did not know any better. That should tell you something. She did not know any better, because like most people, she had no NEED to know.
Depending on your level of confidence, you have 3 options.
Simply ignore them, "tell them off"somehow, or take just a few seconds to inform them in a polite cordial manner in a quick explanation - something you have rehearsed over and over. It could just be one line or several. IF you can throw in some comic touches and explain with confidence too, you might just help one of the millions of clueless people.
IF you feel quite sure they are somehow trying to put you down, you could simply reply with "You sure had me fooled. You look too intelligent to ask such a dumb question which is why I never try to judge people based on what they are wearing".
I think most people simply do not do see or notice CDers and when they do see one up close and personal, they open their mouth w/o thinking.
My wife strongly disapproves of my cding. But she checks my online history often. And somehow she overcame her disgust long enough to surf to this site and read this thread. And came up on my posts and avatar photo. Whoops. She hates the idea that I tell people that I am a cd.
However, I am I think somewhat happy she read a few posts. Perhaps she will realize we are ordinary men with an odd quirk.
I agree, it all depends in the manner and tone in which the question is asked.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelley
I forgot to mention in my earlier post that no one should ask. It's none of their business!
However, not all questions are accusations nor do they stem from personal, negative judgment. These people might be genuinely curious (as off-putting as it is to be asked such a personal question) and they merely want to learn more. I do hope that in the future you will take the opportunity to say something like, "It's a little known fact that most crossdressers are attracted to women, as I am. I understand your curiosity about this and if you want to learn more about gender variance you should go to [and then suggest an appropriately informative website].
I think the oddest person to ever question my sexual orientation was a young gay guy. He wasn't hitting on me, but he seriously could not imagine how a guy who dressed up in womens' clothing might be straight. I asked him is he dressed in womens clothing and of course he did not and he wasn't attracted to guys that did. All I could say is "you'll have to take my word for it."
He couldn't and ended up arguing about it with the lesbian who I'd been visiting with a moment before. I guess it was less incongruent for her to comprehend a TG guy that was attracted to women.
In my opinion, they ask because they are ignorant. You tell them you're not gay, but trans, and they remain ignorant and go through life with a closed view on the way we as a species are. If you are unsure on a certain aspect of life, do some bleeding research.
We conflate gender identity and sexual attraction in our society, and we need to stop doing this. This is why it is so important to teach our school children about the spectrum of sexual and gender diversity, and not wait until they take gender studies classes in college. :)
Ignorance is bliss...and sadly, we live i a society of blissful ignornace.
The right answer, of course, is to smile sweetly and take the time to educate as much as possible.
Tho there does come the times when doing something like what RachelMonder suggested is very tempting.
The worst for me was a female customer who came up to me in the lingerie department of a chain store several years ago and loudly announced that i must be "some kind of pervert!"
I was a bit shocked but calmly replied i certainly wasn't. The female dept manager was nearby and and was having none of it; she came over and told the woman..."that will be enough of that ma'am, please leave the store".
Today i do tend much more towwrds the andro side of my everyday drab (hoop earrings in both ears, ladies sandals with toe rings, sublte eye make-up) and i do see the looks, i can only imagine that they think.
[SIZE="2"]You know, I’ve never been asked that – people just ASSUME I’m gay, and life goes on… :straightface:Quote:
Originally Posted by Leah Lynn
I think the question is asked either because a) people can’t figure out things for themselves, or b) no heterosexual wishes to associate themselves with homosexuals, or c) gay equates with “bad” these days, or d) it’s another way of saying, “I don’t approve of you,” or e) people must make distinctions, even though we are all bisexual by nature, or f) GAY represents a monkey wrench thrown into the machinery of procreation, or g) gender-specificity rules, and that extends to one’s choice of clothing. I could go on and on, but I’ll (mercifully) stop here…
Are you STRAIGHT? Sorry… :heehee: [/SIZE]
Hi Leah, I guess that I'm just lucky I have never gotten the GAY question.
So many fantastic responses here. If I have the time, I will engage these people in conversation. I've tried, sometimes successfully to enlighten worthy souls; sometimes they just don't or won't get it. I do understand that curiosity can override judgement, so they ask, sometimes embarassing themselves. But the fact remains; it's really none of their business.
We get tacked onto the end of LGBT. Perhaps as an afterthought, or nowhere else to go. Either way, we need more exposure, AS A GROUP; not individually (to protect those that wish to stay anonymous). I'm not really ready to be outted to God and Country, but perhaps I should, and take part in the next Pride event. Thanks, all.
Just read Flic's thread! Answers a lot more.