I talked to a friend that is gay. Most gay men prefer regular looking guys. There are some that prefer CD's, but they are rare. He said that most guys that want to date CD's are usually straight, but want to experiment, just not with a hairy chested male. Seems I've recently read this same thing; just don't remember the website. I would suggest going to a bar or club/organization that's open to gays/CD/TS. Feel the waters before diving in. It may be just a fantasy. Maybe not.
i too was very curious after years of closeted dressing. before my first encounter i was terrified and at the same time very excited to really be the girl on a date. i will be honest and say that it was fun but definitely not what i had imagined it was going to be like. i didnt magically become a woman in the bedroom and i still felt awkward when speaking, but i did have a good time. the next day i felt really bad about the whole thing, second guessing myself, i felt so bad i didnt even reply to his text msgs until a week later. i have decided i want to give it a second try, and that second date might be tomorrow if things go to plan.
From the gay bars that I've been to, they don't get us.
Gay guys want men.....hunky men. Not some dude masquerading as a woman. Though I have found a small contingent of tranny-chasers, they exist. I'll take a free drink from any dude. :)
I dress as a woman. I like women.....that sucks. Where am I? I don't know.
All I know is I love life.
Male lovers and Female lovers are very different experiences, which can be a really nice thing.
With female lovers, there is more interest in love, romance, fantasy, experience of the whole relationship. There is also more sensory experience and a woman who knows you are a cross-dresser can use the clothes, fabrics, and sensations to do some wonderfully intensely sensual things.
With Male lovers, there is more intense sexuality, more passion, more desire, and a sense of security. Men can also be more dominant and possessive, which can make a cross-dresser feel more feminine. In addition, a man is more likely to really enjoy you in pretty mode, even though he may want you mostly naked for making love.
Bisexuals often find a cross-dresser or transexual to be a "perfect match" - giving them the best of both worlds. This is true of both male and female bisexuals.
Depending on where you are, you may find that there are clubs that cater to transgender clients. Los Angeles has a few places that are quite nice. Some gay bars have one or more nights or events targeted to transgenders and transsexuals. If you have been repressing transsexual desires because you haven't had support in the past, you may find that some men would be very supportive and might even help you make the transition.
As always, take all precaution. Unprotected sex with another man is always dangerous. Make sure that people know your exact HIV status. Normally positives will avoid negatives because they don't want to be held responsible for infecting others.
Just to add, and you probably already know this but "too much lube is almost enough."Quote:
Originally Posted by DebbieL
:P
I hope that's not TMI for this forum, but it's important to be safe and not get hurt.
Other than that I can't really add much other than to say find someone you can trust, and remember you can stop at any time.
Here it is:Quote:
Originally Posted by Debglam
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...and&highlight=
This one's on topic as well:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ale-attraction
... and to Veronica, I agree with the others. The only way to know is to try.
This seems to be the general consensus:Quote:
Originally Posted by StarrOfDelite
http://www.aliceingenderland.com/Manhunt.html
Thank you to everyone for the input and advice. Safety is my number 1 priority. Also, I have been out to bars and such, and have encountered enough guys to have a good idea who are gentlemen, and those who are there just looking for a "fun night." .. for the record, I am definitely not one that wants to be used for a one night stand.
There was one particular man that was very nice to me, and even suggested that we go on a date (like some here suggest i do). I have his number, but ill think about it a bit more.
@ReineD, thank you for finding those threads, ill be sure to give them a good read through.
--- edit
just for clarification, i am currently not in a relationship.
I think this is a pretty normal feeling, it is the acting on it that seperates us and the opportunity(if we ever get one).
Whatever you do be careful and safe, and go slow.
prene
When I crossdress I enjoy being with my wife and having her enter me with the appropriate equipment. I have no currant attraction to men but would like to experience the real thing once, curious to see what it feels like compared to the Toys we use.
But I think if I was Transgendered I would be a Straight man's girl? Perhaps were I young and single and leaning toward Transgender Surgery I might want to test the water a little although it might require putting on a Gay face.
Hopefully we learn as we age. I came to think that I was something other than completely heterosexual at 44, but didn't act on it until I was 51. I was 56 the first time that I crossdressed. I am now 63.
So, what I eventually figured out was that I was in denial for a long time. I think the act of suppressing who we really are is not good, and from my experience, has consequences. As many have said, there is no substitute for actual experience. The trick is to do it in small enough increments that you only go as far as comfortable in case you wish not to continue.
Also, as his been mentioned, the person that you choose is crucial to the process. Once males are set upon a partcular course, they (we) are sometimes difficult to derail. Your partner in this has to be totally on board with the social aspects, the dating and physical intimacy; all with the realization that you may decide not to go further at any point.
At each point, you need to answer some questions for yourself. For example, if you were going on a date, it might be things like:
Be sure to give yourself some time between events. Sometimes it takes a while to sort out our real feelings. Be sure to check in with your partner to see how he is feeling about things.
- What were your expectations before the date?
- How did you feel before the date?
- How did you feel afterwards?
- Did your parner act as you expected?
- Do you feel positive enough to do it again?
- What is the next step?
- Are you ready to take the next step?
Remember, there is no hurry to this. Take it easy and Good Luck!
An older CD I know goes out with men all the time. If they are "gentlemen" and she likes them she invites them in for "coffee" after the date. The point being is always have control of the situation on your own terms.:)
I have been married three times and have had several other relationships and have never been asked that by my wife, girlfriend, or date. Never.Quote:
Originally Posted by Vickie_CDTV
I figured out I wasn't straight at a pretty young age. I spent a lot of time trying to change that when I was a teen and ended up depressed constantly with a serious drug problem. Once I learned to accept myself and all the aspects of my personality I was much happier. My wife is well aware that I am bi and lets me indulge in that whenever I want. It does help that she enjoys the show and often likes to join in. The first time I had sex with a man when I was dressed as Rachel I new that was what I wanted to do from now on. The only person I have sex with as a man is my wife. I reccomend trying it.
In your OP you say you are curious about what it's like to go to bed with a man, but maybe that's putting the cart before the horse. How about dating for awhile first, discovering what that whole dynamic is like before you jump into bed? I think a kiss will tell you more about how you feel than all-the-way sex. And btw, I think there's way too much emphasis on the gay thing in this thread. Sure, the act of sex is basically gay sex, but if you hook up with a cool guy who "gets" you, the interpersonal dynamic really doesn't feel gay. And too, you could be more bi than gay.
@Sherri, You're right, my OP jumped the gun. I failed to mention (which i posted about later) about a guy that i met at a bar, and actually insisted that we date. Looking back, i really enjoyed meeting him and getting to know him. He was really sweet.. In any case, ill definitely take it slow so i dont regret anything later on. I for one cant engage in intimacy with the emotional chemistry that develops from dating or just being in a relationship. Only time will tell how i really feel about it all.. at least i think im heading towards an answer.
It is difficult to sum up. Each of us is different in the way we are or how we view this. I'm the same in the sense that in female mode I want to be treated as such and that for me means being into guys. But I am still more interested in girls even when en femme. These feelings have only surfaced since I got more into dressing. I am also more curious about TGs and even CDs. I don't know why but the urge to be dressed en femme and be with either a genetic girl, genetic guy, male crossdresser or a trans guy has just sprung on me from out of nowhere. I get a little confused because when I see a guy I don't think anything of it. When I see a girl I think that she's nice and I would like to be a lesbian. Now the most confusing part fore is now I see CDs and TGs and I think, I would like to be with them as a girl. I think I might actually be Bi but I'm not sure what to make of it since I've never felt this way before.
It's interesting to see so many varied situations and feelings here.
I don't think you can be married and bisexual. Marriage means you have sex with one person and one person only. We don't need to go into the argument that a man can be married to another man, but if you are having sex with your wife and also other people, male or female, you are not being faithful to your wife and your marriage is not really a marriage, just living arrangements.Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachel Rage
I want to ask you this - Would it be OK with you if your wife was having sex with other people? Would/could you watch? If it was my marriage, I couldn't.
Thanks Reine. That is the one I was thinking of.Quote:
Originally Posted by ReineD
Well, from the description his wife is not only okay with it but she participates.Quote:
Originally Posted by linda allen
That doesn't make their marriage any less valid, just less traditional.
IMO We get into dangerous territory when we start labeling what is a "real marriage".
tip.. try it and see.. even in the attempt you will know how you feel as your are moving toward it so listen and watch.. it is not bad to experiment just be safe. you may know the answer to your query anywhere along the way before you actually go thru with it.. your young so take your time..
we all have to ignore some things about society that inhibit us.
if you just want to experiment, it might be easier to find another CD to try things with. would be much safer, but the other person might back out at the last second. the most important thing to do is be safe. also try to understand when these urges arises. it could be just a fantasy. also you might want to try things on your own with a toy.
Well, I was going to comment on people being judgemental, etc. But decided instead to share my experience with this... because as others have said, no matter what we say here, she will decide for herself. Hopefully, something someone shares in these posts will click for her and help her out... that is up to her of course.
That being said, here is my experience on this topic. I am ... over 40 hehe, and I have struggled with identifying my sexuality since about the age of 10. Am I straight, bi, gay? Society seems to need to label things, and as part of that society... I am not much different. I have experimented with women and men... in all the various roles (for the sake of the 'labelers' top, bottom, vers). I have done this experimentation in various stages of my life, both married and single. During my first marriage, I cheated on her with guys and justified it as 'seeking an answer' to that question. That obviously ended in disaster and I would NEVER recommend that course of action for anyone... ever. I have experimented while single... and I have continued to experiment in my second (and current) marriage. My current wife knows about, approves, and participates with me in all aspects of my life, as I do for her as well.
Here is how I have come to terms with my situation. There are no great revelations here, just how things work for me.
I know that the idea of a relationship with a man (yes, I have tried that as well) does not work for me. The living together, going out, cooking together, watching TV together, cuddling, etc... no... not for me.
I know that a relationship with a GG works for me. I love my wife... dearly.
I know that meaningless (non-emotional) sex with a woman does NOT work for me... we have experimented with women as well as men and I struggle with having sex with another woman (either with her there or without her there... and yes, with her consent).
I know that meaningless sex with a man... works. I'm not sure why... I've spent a lot of time (and money) trying to find that answer and at this point, I don't really care about the exact 'why'... I just know what 'works' for me.
I have (obviously) done a lot of things in life (hey, I'm old), most I'm proud of, some I'm not... but collectively they make up who I am. I share my life experiences with my friends, family, and others (if appropriate). I guess my advice on this topic would be to be truthful to yourself (that is harder than you would imagine) and not really concern yourself with what others may think of you. I know that if someone has an issue with my past, then that person shouldn't be (and therefore isn't) a part of my life. Like/Love me for who I am... or move on. There are close to 7 billion people on this planet, some will be okay with who you are, and the others can f*@$ off.
*Steps off soapbox*
Sorry for ranting. Thanks for listening.
I guess most of my life I have only been attracted to women. I have been married twice and have never been sexually attracted to a man. I have had experiences with several TG girls and that was very satisfying to me. So I guess if a man appears to be feminine and looks like a female I don't really worry about the "equipment" so much. I am attracted to the female form so I guess I could be attracted to a crossdresser if she had a look I like. Never been with one so far though. So even dressed I do not see men as something I want to pursue.
So I can only say if it is safe what does it hurt to try something new? Sometimes there is only one way to know for sure.
Sometimes a fantasy should remain just that. Actually 99% of the time it should remain a fantasy.
If you were truly Bi or gay, it would not just pop up now. You would have thought about it before. You are transferring an idea of what you think a woman should be to your dressing. It is common. But I would just be happy playing this in your mind.
If you really want to do it I won't say no though, just don't do it because you can, do it because it feels right. Does that sound like a mother to a teenage daughter? If you just want the feeling there are toys for that. But it isn't something, in my opinion, you turn off and on when you dress. When I see a man who I find attractive, it does not matter what I wear (women the same BTW). So many here want so bad to be the woman they think they should be they start playing scenes in their mind. I play all the bad thibgs that I did when I was a young guy who wanted nothing more than sex. Yes it was funm but I didn't consider the other person. That is how you will be treated if you blindly go into a male sexual relationship without learning and knowing the other person. (again, get a toy).
My advice, for what it is worth, keep it between your ears for now. It isn't the fairytale you think.
I love my toys and use them regularly. You need to do this first to see if you even like it. I have often thought about penetration from a man and would love to experience it but there is something about bareback that is unsafe so toys it is for me for now.