What is the POINT of crossdressers.com?

If the site exists to provide support to crossdressers and their families, then it has to be open to all forms of discussion about crossdressing and it's ramifications.

Any limitation on discussion, or on who 'qualifies' to discuss crossdressing, surely undermines the point of the site. As you acknowledge, we live in a society that restricts our ability to talk freely, so why place restrictions here? Surely this should be a refuge from any prejudice or conversational boundaries?

As Reine has already stated in her usual insightful way, we all experience crossdressing in different ways, and I personally don't get much out of 'fluffier' threads. I also don't appreciate the members who seek to impose their views on others, but this is a community like any other and we aren't all of one single mind. If a thread doesn't draw my interest or I don't feel I can resonate in any way then I just tend to ignore it, but I'm glad that this is a place where those threads can exist and that people can talk about crossdressing in any way they choose. I've gained a lot of support and strength from this site and I hope I can continue to do so and hopefully repay some of that support to others.

One thing I discovered which sets apart the transgendered "community" from any other community (e.g. gay/lesbian) is how fragmented transgendered are.

There is the guy that put on female clothing while having great sex with his wife and suddenly noticed that he enjoys the feeling of female clothing which turns him on.

Then there is the crossdresser who loves to connect to his feminine side, sometimes with a sexual turnon, sometimes just for the fun of slipping into a different role. Those who don't do it for sexual reasons don't want to be pegged by anyone as the sexual crossdresser's kind, because doing something because of sexual reasons is even worse than wearing clothing of the other sex, right?!

Then there are the drag queens, who always want to draw attention to themselves. Some don't like those as society often thinks of crossdressers as drag queens first, as these receive the most attention.

Then there are transgendered or transsexuals, pre-hormones, pre-op, post-op, pre-ffs, post-ffs, etc etc.
Transsexuals don't want to be seen as crossdressers, as they truly are women, just in a men's body, while crossdressers are men in a men's body who love women's clothing. Then there are TS who are autogynephilic, but that's a totally different story.

Although these statements are waaaaay oversimplified, they show an underlying problem:There will never be a single group of "crossdressers" who identify as a whole. Compared to classifying a CD/TG/TS, classifying a gay is quite simple.

This heterogenous setup is reflected in this and many other discussion forums. Some just discover their CD side while others are already on the way to the operating table whereas the third group just looks for answers how to get rid of this strange hobby/emotion/being.

Still, despite all the dissimilarity, I joined the forum because it helps me coping with being transgendered when I connect to others that are in a similar situation. Sometimes it can be fun, sometimes it can wear you down. For all of these situations, it's great to have people to be able to share it with.

Freddy I joined here to try and help others accept who they are. The site exists to give us a meeting place. It's a place to vent and look for answers and learn. Most of the general public does not accept us because we're different so we can't talk the talk outside of places like this one.

"Snowflakes" is used a lot to describe us because we are such a diverse group. We are also misunderstood by most of the general public. This is like a home away from home for MTF's I think.

Im here......to be honest Im not completly sure why. I know Im here to be able to talk about dressing and talk to others who wont judge me or cast me out simply because I dress. I only have 2 freinds whom I can talk to about it. I dont open up easy, but Im here so that eventually I can. Ive been to other places(like fetlife.com) but non of those places felt "comfortable".
I have alot to learn about myself, including questions Im not ready to ask. Hopefully Ill be able to figure everything out in time :)

IMHO, one of the most important points of crossdressers.com is to provide a forum that enables others to know that they are "not alone". This is, perhaps, the greatest benefit of the internet (which was not yet invented when I was trying to learn more about myself).

Well Freddy,I for one really enjoy your post,they always strike a chord with me and encourage me to think about things in a different light,so I would be greatly disappointed if you were not here or didn't make them.Coming here really changed it all for me...it changed the way I felt about dressing, gave it reason and helped me to identify with others.If someone is sad here,I feel for them and try to make a post that might be enlightening or uplifting.We are here for eachother and that alone is the sweetest of justifications.

I've been to many other sites,they just don't cut the mustard like this one.I sure hope they never change it....well aside from giving us back the ability to create albums.

Seriously, Freddy? For me, it's about u and all the others that r active here. And, where else am I going to go to chat with other guys about breast forms, nylons, and girdles?

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Originally Posted by AllyCDTV

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While I do appreciate the serious discussion, I wish there was more discussion related to the part- time/hobbyist crossdresser who look upon this as a source for fun. I have seen one thread already that was closed for seemingly getting too risque'. While I understand the need to keep this site clean for younger or more sensitive members, it would be nice if there was a private section just for adults who would like to engage in more sexually oriented discussions.

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Oh, we're here, Ally! There's actually a whole pack of us closet dressers here that do it for fun and our libidos. However, u should remember this is primarily a Trans support site!

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Originally Posted by Rachel80

If the site exists to provide support to crossdressers and their families, then it has to be open to all forms of discussion about crossdressing and it's ramifications.

Any limitation on discussion, or on who 'qualifies' to discuss crossdressing, surely undermines the point of the site. As you acknowledge, we live in a society that restricts our ability to talk freely, so why place restrictions here? Surely this should be a refuge from any prejudice or conversational boundaries?...

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What you suggest is a wonderful ideal, but the fly in the ointment is that there are people who will abuse that level of freedom toward their own selfish ends. This site is intended to be a place for safe discussion of TG issues by a wide range of individuals and certain restrictions on content are needed to ensure that those intended to use the site are able to do so without fear.

I am glad that my spouse and I can come to this site without fear of being confronted with explicit photos, gutter-level language, or highly-charged off-topic discussions that take emphasis away from TG issues. I'm also happy that we will be reasonably protected from abuse, flaming, or other negative personal behaviors.

I was around in the heydey of Usenet, and it was a wonderful, wide-open way of communicating. It was intentionally designed to be uncensorable. For the most part it worked well, but the hidden qualification was that one had to be either in the military, industry, or academia to access it which meant that the initial users were well-educated and possessed a certain level of self-discipline. Times changed, the Internet opened up to everyone and Usenet was infested by endless trolls, spam, serial posters, and mindless circular discussions. When you had to sift through 100 useless posts to find two that were relevant the fun and usefulness went out of it. I'd really hate to see a great resource like CD.com sink to that level.

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Originally Posted by AllyCDTV

...it would be nice if there was a private section just for adults who would like to engage in more sexually oriented discussions.

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The Genetic Male section does allow discussion of these sensitive issues.

A lot of what has been said already here is the reason I am here. Over the years we read so many new comers on here that still feel so lost and alone, then later they feel so comfortable with themselves and are released from so much of the social stigmatisms that most of us found ourselves in at one time or another. For many years, I was that way, and I think many on here can relate to that. We come here to tell our stories, triumphs, and yes, the sadness like divorce and separation that can be associated with being who and what we are. A few short years ago, before I found this particular site, I felt very different about what I was. I thought I was sort of sick and crazy because I knew I was a cross dresser. I used to wonder why I didn't really fit in with most men at work. I didn't think the way most of them thought. I stayed depressed most of my life from so many numerous aspects of my life that I didn't understand. ie; like being bullied in school, not fitting in with the majority of men in the work place, finding myself more compassionate towards others than did my peers, crying at sad stories on TV, and broken relationships, suicidal thoughts most of my life, for I felt so alone with this secret, who could I talk to?

I came here of course with my wife's permission and read so many stories almost just like mine. So many of us related to each other. I remember reading stories on here by others that I could have signed my name to and could have just as easily been my words and story of my life. I found from this site , that I am not alone in what I am. From this site, I found that I am not a freakish person by being a cross dresser that is all too often portrayed of people like us in the news media. I found from this site, that people like us are intelligent, honorable, caring, and giving people, that we are good citizens in the community and country. We are good Father,s, Grandfather,s, brothers and sons.

But the public social poison and vileness that is cast upon us so unfairly and unwarranted in the news media and tv shows, I am now cast from that which I once believed from that evil source. From all of the true heartfelt testimonies and stories from the hundreds of tg, cd, and ts members on this site, I have learned that those negatives are not true from the news media. For we are the ones that do know us better than the muggles that so easily cast us in the negative light. This site is very valuable for us in a very, very important way, for even though we are segregated by social norms in the news as outcast's, at least we on here have learned that none of that is so. At least now from this site, we no longer feel alone, all of us have been helped here and have given so much help as well. We can't have the whole world as friends, but on here, we can have each other as friends.
If this particular site didn't exist, there would be some of us that may have killed themselves. Or many would have made many mistakes and got divorced, but worked things out and stayed together from what cd's and their wives have learned from here. This site has helped so many TS's to support each other speaking from their own personal experiences and helping others make the right decisions in their lives.This site has helped me as well as I'm sure for other members, that from this site alone, I am no longer secretly ashamed of being who I am now. This site has been a life saver for many. This site is a blessing to us all, and to ones that have yet to find it. I invite a lot of my cd friends that are not on here to join up.Those are the positive things about this site. I so wish though that there could be less arguing sometimes, I know there isn't anything that is perfect, for every good thing comes with some bad. I can deal with respectful disagreements all day long along with meaningful respectful debates done with fairness and not misconstrue words of others and or call unnecessary names. When name calling takes place on here, then we break down the integrity by which we as TG people and this site stand for. Yes, I have had my but handed to me a few times, but I still respect you all and the site.

Support for all TG people and their friends and families is what the point of this site is.

Love & Respect

Tara

Hi,

We all live on this earth, & it would be nice that every one can share though at this moment its seems yet again we cant, more lives lost , & you know where i mean.,

This is a very good reason for forums like this to be here so we can share our lives with others so that we can see there are differences all around us, if this forum = site , was only for one class of people then would there be a point to that,

I for one would not be here, im not a dresser or trans or gay , yet im different so to be able to open up with each other we need trust, we need to know what we say here, for many i know can be very hard to write about thier lives, with out fear of that being put in the hands of those that cant accept others of difference,

For my self im well known down under, so i can be very open about my self as many here & other people on forums know,

Again i can get to know others learn about them = you = know how you feel & of cause your familys, yes we have many differences .....yet ..... does that have to stop us from understanding each other. no matter where we live or problems we have, really its about life . so yes there is a point for this forum.= site= .

...noeleena...

Does there have to be a point?

It's a support discussion board

I came here first to learn about what it is I was doing, and later to get advice as to how to let my fiancee know about this part of me. Then, for a long time, I was so darned scared to say anything to her, I stayed away from here, because I kind of knew that, unless I could push past that and move forward, being here wasn't going to do me a lot of good.

Then I told her, the barriers came down, and I zipped back here like a homing pigeon. :)

Now I'm here because it's a place for me to be Amy, and to engage in "girl talk" with others like me (since I don't know anyone else around here). I'm here to share my story with those CDs who are hesitating about telling their SO, to reassure them that it might not be as bad as they think it will be. I'm here to share vicariously in the experiences that others have, to learn about the range of experiences that are possible, and to continue bolstering my confidence so that, perhaps, one day, Amy can walk the streets anywhere unafraid, her head held high and eyes bright. I'm here to ooh and ahh over the pictures others post, and share my own in hopes of getting a few oohs and ahhs, or at least some practical advice on my look. :) I'm here to pool what little I know with the great amount everyone else knows, that we may all benefit.

Those, I think, are as good of reasons for being part of a community as any.

- Amy

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Originally Posted by Frédérique

I crave true discussion, but I can do without the arguments and discord.

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How can you possible crave "true discussion", if you are unwilling to go through the actual process? I'm sure you are aware that to discuss means to debate, to investigate, to examine through use of reasoning and/or argument. Some discussions are fruitful as they lead to some form of enlightenment. Some are not. However it's not always possible to determine the outcome ahead of time. One thing is certain, nonetheless; without arguments, and perhaps even a bit of discord, there can't be a true discussion, only a monologue.

My instant reaction to the title of the thread and my reply is.
"Why are you here if you can't get the point!
Yes a bit harsh, but Frederique, you wrote it and asked searching questions yet again.....
I think we are here to deal with it and give support to those that are confused, depressed and bring those out that are in hiding.
Help give courage to those that are closeted and want to come out. Especially to those with wives and girlfriends they so dearly love.
We support X dressing but I don't think we are here to encourage or promote it.

Freddie,
Prior to joining Crossdressers.com, most of the places I found on the WWW were pretty much related to sex. Sex with CD's Dating CD's, Hook up with a CD tonight.
This doesn't tell me anything about whats happening with ME. The why the how and the how come. This is the only site I've found that really HELPS. I get to meet every variety of CD out there. Some are in deep trouble and some have found that this is much more than the dresses, its TS.
I have fun and try to trow out a hug or two when needed. Who would think it so exciting to go shopping and make it home without someone staring at them. On this site its orth everything and the member are here to share the joy.
The point is that we all help each other and Thats the point.
And I dare not forget the vital role that the GG's play here too. What an amazing bunch or women we have.
Bobbi

As a discussion board, I would think that the point is to discuss a IDE array of topics relating to our shared interests, to provide support, encouragement and guidance when possible, and to indulge in the occasional cathartic outburst when need be. Often, I find the posts do indeed shed some light and help individuals under all kinds of duress. But, it's just a discussion board, lets not set our expectations,too high.

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Originally Posted by Eryn

What you suggest is a wonderful ideal, but the fly in the ointment is that there are people who will abuse that level of freedom toward their own selfish ends. This site is intended to be a place for safe discussion of TG issues by a wide range of individuals and certain restrictions on content are needed to ensure that those intended to use the site are able to do so without fear.

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Sorry I should have added a 'non offensive' caveat, as I also wouldn't want people posted threats and/or explicit content on here. I meant rather no limitations that wouldn't already be in place in a civilised discussion. Perhaps that is a little naive of me! :)

I actually think that you, Eryn, and the other moderators, have struck a very good balance, as currently there is a good deal of freedom and the threads don't dissolve into the extended slanging matches you often see on other forums. I suspect that is very much to do with the nature of the site and it's aim to supply support, and the willingness of it's members to create a haven for all of us.

I personally wouldn't want to chage it from how it is now, sure there is plenty that doesn't interest me but there's a good deal that does as well, and I'm glad that others with different viewpoints and experiences to mine are here, as well as those who share my own experiences.
Thanks to you all, anyway. :)

:itb:I joined for the cookies. They said there would be cookies...and punch.

I don't even remember why I joined. I do know that in that time this forum has under gone a couple of transitions and changes. When I first got here it was truly a discussion group. Where one could voice their opinion and read what others have said. It was also FUN. We had several members who enjoyed being here and it showed in their posts. Now, now so lighthearted. And when someone attempts to discuss something hoping for at least a rational argument to a statement, it gets contentious.

What's the point? There are several. It cannot be a single point or it would become rote in no time. Some like to post photos of themselves (and since this is a community NOT based on sex, the photos are often very good poses of "women" in more common settings). It is a place where one can ask questions and get many answers and not always the answer they expect. Some use it as a place to vent frustrations. Some use it as a way to try and advance acceptance and freedom. I don't think there is one true point. It is what you make it.

I joined becuase I wanted to learn more about me and this subculture I belong to through the experience of others. I am interested in the bigger questions around CDing. I want to learn where I fit in by seeing how others fit in. I want to help when I can by sharing what I have experienced. I think the point is to help a fringe group feel not so alone.

namely to become ONE with ourselves

Unification Theory, to bring congruence to the physical and metaphysical; Einstiens' paradox. To bring consistency to apparrent anomaly. Balance, harmony, acceptance, finding a way to continue a strenuous hike through the mystical forest of a planet where one's conscienceness finds form. When I was young, and learning to walk, I was unsteady, Freddy, over time I found my balance. Here I hear of other's adventures in this mystical forest, there are many ways to see the sunbeams falling through the leaves to the forest floor, I can bathe myself in the warmth and light of all of them, as I learn of the many ways to see who I am, and the way the world sees me. I am absorbtion, I came here to learn about myself through others eyes. I am content, I just like to put on a dress ansd sandals and dance in the yard.
To walk and pick flowers, to bake in the kitchen, or immerse myself in the tub and luxuriate in calm waters. To fall slowly into a whiter shade of pale. Crossdressing, transposing myself across a slightly less than than perfect realm of existence, it is acidic. It is meta-morphisizing, trans-adental, trans-porting, and trans-cending. And it sometimes lifts me into a special place.

One other thought, maybe you should read your post withall the "cross"'s crossed out. And I should write with out transposing.

winks and smiles,
peace and love,
Alyla, -scending

It is simply one of thousands of free websites where people are able to come and learn about "stuff" that interests them for whatever reason. Just another website where it is POSSIBLE to "learn" but ONLY for those folks willing to spend time READING. One need not ever post any responses but they do need to read.

It's also a given that "learning" anything here or any other website is only going to be possible [no matter how much anyone reads] IF one comes with an open mind. An Open Mind often seems to be in short supply here just like most Forums.

in the end, it is simply what one makes of it.

What is the POINT?
All of the above + I have a record of my own development as a crossdresser.
:hugs:Gaby

oh... and all of the following...

AS a GG ...I came here to get important info and gain an understanding of the CD life style. My SO is a CDer and when she came out.... this site gave me some vital imput to help ease my mind. I am so happy I found some really great support here and some much needed answers and perspective. It made it easier for me to understand the complexity of the struggles that CDers go thru. Also It gave me some understanding of why my Maternal Grandfather did some of the things he did and why my Grandmother was so upset with him.

I have always been an open minded person but this place gave me some insight and understanding of the struggles one goes thru on the road to self discovery.

Essentailly I feel this is a very good place to be to gain acceptance of the CD life and of ones self. I try to give support for all here. The GGs and the CDing ladies on the site. This place is SAFE and provides a safe haven in the storm of all the feelings and issues we all face.

I can provide a certain point of view to aid others in understanding what their So's, spouses and girl friends are going thru. This insight can be invaluable. I also have gotten invaluable information/insight from the ladies here that helped me understand what my SO was/is going thru. It made me a better SO and gave me a sense of peace that I can provide my SO with so that she can truely come to accept and feel confortable with. I am so thankful for all the people here. Even the extremists. they provide a balance to information available.

All who come her have invaluable information, opinions and wonderful support for ALL!

I think if not for this haven many would feel and be lost. I has made an impact in my life and has helped make me an even better person. I can give back and that is an important thing to me. I am sure others feel that way too.

On some small note it all allows the girl in us all, satify our need to have a little gossip in our lives. It satifies our inner need to be vouyers into other peoples lives and to see how we all fit in in the grand scheme of things.

I will get off my soap box for now ...hopefully I was not tooo long winded but I felt that aGG's point of view needed to be represented here.

Hugs for all!!! Especially you Frederique.

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What is the POINT of crossdressers.com?

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It's all kinds of things to all kinds of crossdressers, Freddie. A comfortable melting pot.