Hi Bo, Everyone needs to feel acceptance not lonelyness.
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Hi Bo, Everyone needs to feel acceptance not lonelyness.
I don't think acceptance is required, but tolerance is. I had real trouble concealing a part of myself from my wife; I felt like I had to be on guard so as not to say or do something that might give up my secret, and this definitely hampered our emotional intimacy. Once I came clean, it was possible to just be, and we have grown much closer as a result. Now I should point out that just because my guard is no longer up, it does not mean I'm wandering around in a pink fog. I am still careful not to bring up CDing when I know she's had a bad day, and I make sure that our lives don't revolve around it. We have simply found a way to be that works for us.
Would I love for her to "accept" more? Sure! Why, you ask? Well, as it stands, when I CD it takes me away from her, and that's the part I like least about it. If she was more accepting then it could be something we do together. But do I need this? No. I am fortunate to have her, so I accept that she cannot be too involved with the CDing, and she accepts that I occasionally need time to myself to CD. In the end, I don't think its that different from a wife who has a husband who is an avid golfer or hunter (when she is not).
From my point of view I needed my wife to accept it simply just so that I could do it, so it seemed like a sensible thing to do ,(I tell her she accepts it so that I can wear what I like) seemed like sense to me , but at that time I only liked to wear skirts and the underwear which she already knew about so I thought what the heck skirts are just a small step forward , I innocently thought " what is wrong with a man wanting to wear skirts."
Although I guess it was a selfish reason I had little knowledge or hindsight of what the desire to wear woman's clothes really meant to me or what it would come to mean to me so I guess that if I had not had her acceptance (eventually) I would have led a very unhappy life ( I am not all selfish as I would have rather not done it and been unhappy if that is what made my wife happy) even thought my reason for telling her was a bit selfish and I would not go beyond what is comfortable for her which incidentally she now is completely accepting of who/what I am , but I have never tested her limits ( but she quite often tests mine):o
So to be happy yes I did need to tell her in hoping that she would accept it but at the same time if she did accept it I was willing to keep it under controle .
Bo-peep, My wife and I have always shared our feelings, quirks and kinks, before and after our wedding. CD'ing has always been a part of our life. As it has become more and more important to me she has always been accepting supportive and a participant. She has had her limits as to how "OUT" in public, she is comfortable with, I respect her limits. CD'ing has never been part of the bedroom, she was traumatized by a female cousin when she was younger, she does appreciate both of her friends (me & me ) she lives with.
Nicely said, Beverley - that's really the essence of it!
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Originally Posted by Beverley Sims
I recently heard something on the radio that really struck a chord. A MTF TS was asked how her personality was affected as she went through her transition. She said that while she felt she was the same person, the biggest change was that she went from "someone who has a secret" to "someone who doesn't have a secret". OMG! Right on, sister! That's what I have needed all along from my SO: to know that this is the real me, whether I have on a dress or, ugh, a pair of pants.
Reading through your replies has given me a great deal to think about. Overall I am thrilled to see so many sensitive, loving, loyal people being able to talk about their feelings and in so doing, giving me an insight into how I can be supportive and accepting without losing 'myself' in the process :)
Well, apart from the fact that my ex hated, it, hated me, found herself a 'real man' to have sex with instead of me (not to mention having sex with a woman, maybe to see if that was something she'd like), divorcing me and blackmailing me over the crossdressing, emptying our bank accounts pre-emptively, and systematically making sure that all the debt was in my name, I guess there's no reason at all that a man should want his wife to be accepting of who and what he is.
Dear God that is awful. I guess there are a great many wives who use cding as ammunition. ((hug))Quote:
Originally Posted by Bo-peep
To be accepted? would make me feel good about my self. It would make life a lot easer. We just want to be loved.
First, I don't want to hide this from my (currently imaginary) GF/fiancée/wife. Secrets of this magnitude tend to grate at the person holding the secret, and the other person in the relationship can often sense there is something going on.
Second, her tolerance defuses at least somewhat a point of conflict. I dislike and tend to shy away from conflict.
Third, it can draw the two participants closer. Some like it and are willing to participate, while others see the benefits to the CD and accept their SO as they are. Mutual acceptance is one of the biggest gifts the participants can give each other, IMHO.
For a happy marriage, I would also add mutual respect and a lot of communication. It is awful interacting with people you do not respect or who do not respect you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Beverley Sims
In my case, Bo, it means I don't have to hide my Amy-self from my fiancee. I can dress when I feel like it, and have progressed even to getting out as Amy a couple of times. She doesn't mind; in fact, she will critique my look (generally favorably) and give me tips. When we're out shopping, she'll help find clothes or cosmetics that would look good on Amy. Even while we were going to that wedding yesterday, she would tell me about all the techniques she used and shades she picked for her makeup, knowing I would learn from that. There's no sexual component involved; she isn't into that sort of thing. But I certainly wouldn't be the woman I am today without her acceptance. :)
- Amy
All of the above:heehee:Quote:
Originally Posted by Bo-peep
But since she didn't accept this part of me she decided she didn't want any part of me(sad if you ask me) but now this isn't an issue since we've parted.:sad: