CD'ing(for me) could be a product of not having a girlfriend?

Thank you so much all you wonderful ladies for the thread posts and PMs about my concern.I definitely feel a lot better after reading them all. I did also discuss with my BF last night kind of shocked him he said "alright where is all of this coming from" I showed him the post and he basically said no that's not how he felt and assured me that I meet all of his needs. So after that conversation with him and reading what everyone else had to say I feel much better and I'm no longer questioning if he thinks I'm inadequate.
I've told other ladies before that I think at times so much effort and worry is put into finding a reason for CDing. When sometimes things just are what they are no rhyme no reason. Humans are all very unique but those differences make us all very exciting, beautiful and colorful in our own ways.

Thanks again you all have been great. :hugs:

Xoxo.......Sam

You are a beautiful woman, Sam. You make him very happy I am sure.

Annette

Thanks for the responses. Pretty much what I expected to be honest. I realize the blanket statement isn't correct for everyone, or even myself. I was curious on what everyone's thoughts were.

Just in the past month and a half or so I've accepted that I like to CD, and that's fine with me, I'm still curious on what makes us tick the way we do. It's all still very new to me.

And honestly, I'm still afraid of it all. Silly, but, just like anything you dive into 100%, it takes a while to get used to.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Beverley Sims

First, do not purge your stash every time you take up a female relationship.
Second enjoy the female relationship while you can and when you move on.
The urge to dress will return and you can get your stash out again.
Now read this post again and repeat the process until you find some girl who is interested in your quaint hobby.
When this happens, you may ask for more advice.

---

I've learned my lesson about the whole purging thing, and now realize how dumb it is. And I don't like secrets, so, when a girlfriend does find my stash(which probably won't be hidden), I'm pretty sure I will have no issue with explaining it to her, and showing her the door if she doesn't agree with it. I don't have time in my life anymore to play games like that.

I know it isn't going away, which is why I'm embracing it. I do like to keep it exciting, and making it a treat to get fully made up and go out. It's been fun so far!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by NurseSamGG

. . . I think at times so much effort and worry is put into finding a reason for CDing. When sometimes things just are what they are no rhyme no reason.
Thanks again you all have been great. :hugs:
Xoxo.......Sam

---

Are you kidding? If we stopped putting so much effort and worry into finding the reason why we CD, the amount of threads on this site would be cut by 30%. Fortunately we would still be able to put effort and worry into whether to tell the SO and if crossdressing makes us gay.:rofl:

I have a gf and she is not as girly as my feminine side. I think a part of us wants to have everything in a female counterpart. I know that I project a lot of my desires onto my female side, to the point of that Kat is a bit of nympho :-P. I enjoy the fantasy side for a bit, but once I hit the big o, it passes. Do I wish my GF was more girly or what? Nope, I love her the way she is!

@tiffbear

There are theories of transgender that suggest for non-homosexual TS people, that we eroticize or fail in love with an idealized image of ourselves as women. Almost literally like Narcissus in the Greek myth.

So perhaps that is what is happening to you, since you are alone right now. You are falling in love with yourself.

I'm kidding of course, ask almost anyone here, we hate these theories!

I think 'why' isn't a very useful question at the moment. Suppose you had an answer? What would you do with that knowledge that you aren't doing now?

To the OP...

I didn't date much in high school, and dressed around the house whenever I had the chance. At the time I also had similar thoughts...that my lack of a steady GF caused me to CD. Fast forward a few years...I dated a TON in my early 20's and noticed that my CDing would wane for the first few weeks of a relationship but soon came back as strong as ever.

Then when I got married, I purged everything I had, because I KNEW that my love and desire for my beautiful wife would make me never want to CD again. Well, guess who was wrong again. I don't remember how long it was, maybe 5-6 months? and I was slipping on her pantyhose, aerobic tights and leotards when home alone. The next thing you know I had acquired a whole new wardrobe, modest as it was, but it was still my stash. The lack of a woman didn't cause it, and the availability of one doesn't make it go away!

A few thoughts.

There's something missing here, and it's really no surprise. For a guy, our sexual drive is so strong that it simply overwhelms everything else, usually to the point that we don't notice ANYTHING else.

Crossdressing can fulfil other of our needs, and only each individual can know exactly what is going on within their own minds.

I discovered that physical affection, just touch, caressing, holding the other person, was the 'kicker' that drove my desire to crossdress. Psychologists learned of the importance of this basic need in people many decades ago, yet it is still ignored nearly 100% of the time! Everything focuses on sex or something else. Very, very few want to address the need for affection. So it often is presented as if it's only something a baby needs, or what a woman wants in her life. And because it's not 'manly', men prefer to ignore that it exists, like it's just another unimportant 'feeling' that we shouldn't have to address.
But we do, because it's always there. And you won't know it until you accept the need for it.

Ever go on a one night stand dating spree? Go out, take her home, have sex, leave, then repeat the same thing the very next day because you think you're just horny again, because you feel like something's 'missing'? Well, that's the 'affection deficit'. You don't know it's missing because you don't know you need it. It's simply the lack of sufficient physical contact with another person. Sometimes we get barely enough when we're having sex with someone, but usually, not. Which is why we repeat the whole process over and over, never seemingly happy with the amount of sex we're getting, because that's not what we're missing.

It's the same feeling you get when you're horny and masturbate, but then after orgasm there still feels like there's something missing, but you don't know exactly what.

For me, crossdressing is like that bell is for Pavlov's dogs: It's what signals to me that I'm going to receive affection from someone. Even though the complete ritual of it ended over forty years ago, the feelings still work the same way. The expectation is still there, even if the conclusion is not, which is why I so often wind up falling asleep while dressed as a girl, because the last steps no longer ever occur.

If regular sex were an antidote to CDing , I would have stopped dressing a long time ago. It's not uncommon for a CDr to have lulls in dressing activity, sometimes associated with the blooming of a new relationship or other demands of life. But most of us are drawn back to dressing, not for sexual fulfillment, but because of a need to express a feminine side.

I've read something like this before and I think there is some truth to it but the cross dressing will always be their in my opinion. In my teen years the urges were the strongest and this was about the time I first heard of this and I honestly though a relationship would end the urges. Even though I never had a GF I think the urge will always be there but not as strong but the "need" to dress up will force some action to take place.

This was my thought back in my early years of CDing. I didn't have very many girlfriends throughout high school and college. I always thought that "Once I get a girlfriend I won't need to crossdress anymore". I soon found out that this was not at all true. When I first started dating my wife in my early 20's, when we moved in together I was convinced that I didn't need to CD anymore, so I got rid of all my girl clothes. The urges soon returned, and I found myself borrowing her things. And then I eventually found myself shopping for girl things again (especially items of hers that I couldn't fit into...like shoes). Before I knew it, I had a whole new collection of things hidden away.

Now married and in my early 30s, I've come to accept the fact that I am a crossdresser and there is no use surpressing those feelings. My need to crossdress was the same when I was single, as it is when I'm married to my wife. It has nothing to do with her not pleasing me, because she does. She is wonderful and I love her.