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Ok, so the obvious choice is telling your SO and NOT the friend. But you must realize that your SO probably thinks you are having an affair. I am incredulous that you would prefer to tell a friend such an intimate secret ahead of your SO, the one who has the right to know. You have to reset your priorities.Quote:
Originally Posted by Rebecca11
I am working on what I am going to say to my wife. She is my everything. I guess it just seemed easier telling someone that I do not live with my secret. It is not that my wife does not have the right to know, it is that if my wife is not understanding then I'm out. Have no fear girls, I am not coming out to my friend first. You all have made it very clear what you all think. The other girl is out. I have reset my priorities now. I hope that I am strong enough to get through this. I have read several posts on other threads. I'll admit, I'm scared, however, if I want my dressing to stay a part of my life, and I want my wife involved then she has to know. I'll keep you all updated.
Telling my wife was the best thing for me. I was terrified of telling her. I didn't want to ruin our marriage, but I felt that telling her would be a lot better than lying to her.
Hi Rebecca, please read the link in my signature.
It has a lot of valuable information which you should find very useful.
While I agree that your attitude is the common one, it is one I can't agree with for myself. My GF is in fairly constant contact online with a large number of people, of both sexes, one of them is an ex boyfriend! Does this bother me? Somewhat, the green eyed monster keeps raising his ugly head, but I beat him down. If i had to use one word to describe my GF, it is integrity. Could we split up? Possibly, as time goes on, the bond is getting stronger and deeper, and this becomes less likely. If it did happen though, she would tell me first. There is zero chance of me coming home and finding her in bed with someone else. The other night, I went out with a group from work, one of the guys was leaving, and an impromptu group formed, him, me, and 7 girls! Did she give me grief? Not a flicker. This aspect of our relationship is the most important to me. I tell her sometimes about discussions from this forum, and while having some interest, she displays no concern about who I'm talking to, or the subjects we discuss. Of course, she was the first person, ( and so far only ) that I have come out to.Quote:
Originally Posted by almostalady
Please note that I said most...not all. You are lucky if this is your relationship. It is still not a good idea for most.Quote:
Originally Posted by UNDERDRESSER
Oh I am lucky, and i know it. :) I think most people should be seeking this level of trust in a relationship.Quote:
Originally Posted by almostalady
n my world, my wife is the person that is always closer than anyone else is and so she would (in my world) be told first. It's your call, but that's my 2 cents.
DITTO!!!
its very difficut for me to accept the idea that you are big in salons, nais pedis and so oon, shave and sti unabe to talk to your wife about your CDing. Even more than when I first read your initial post, I am certain that you need to come out completelly to your wife Having this level of intimacy with another woman will jeopardize your relationship if it doesn't begin with your wife.
I think something may have been misinterpreted. I don't do those things with the other woman. I have just been friends with her for a while. I have manicures and pedicures with my wife. My wife also knows about my shaving too. My wife loves all of that about me. My wife will know soon but I just have to pick the right time.
Your wife trumps your friend, sorry to say. I suspect that you know that and are hoping that we'll say otherwise, but that isn't going to happen here. ;)
If you value your marriage, you know that you have to honor your wife's wishes.
Also, you need to let your wife know about your dressing before discussing it with anyone else, IMO.
Carol
The easy way out is seldom the right path to take. :hugs:Quote:
Originally Posted by Rebecca11
I am sorry but I do not quite understand how someone can come out to a friend like this before they say anything to their SO , it just does not seem right to me , maybe I am just old fashioned in that way .
My BF told his sister in law before me. Even though when he turned to tell me he was surprised to find out that I was more accepting. But the fact that I was open minded to begin with, kind of fell under the tracks because he told someone else first and it hurt my feelings.
You SO has dibs on such things... If you tell someone else your inner secret first you will loose the trust of your SO. Personally, I don't think its a good idea to 'tell' anyone...but show them by incorporating it in to your life somehow. I do Halloween enfem so everyone remembers the fun and its not too much shock later on if I happen to be doing 'research' for my next costume.
No doubt about it: you MUST work this out with your SO first, and then you and SHE will both have to be ok with telling your female friend.
Wife first, everyone else second.
If that's not your direction, other problems will come to the fore soon.
Rebecca, I spent quite a bit of time writing a response to your post only to discover that the other gals had all covered t subject and you had come to the only reasonable conclusion. Good luck, God Bless! I hope this works out well for both you and your "Friend Wife". True love is so hard to find and has to be cherished!
Hi Rebecca...
This is not advice but simply to share that this is how I came out to my girlfriend at about the two month mark. We were in her apartment talking about various things that two newly found love mates dare to discuss. I was going through her closet asking Hey, try this on, etc. I came across a white satin blouse and black skirt so I put them on and waltzed out of the closet (how literal) and asked what she thought. We just kind of went from there. Yes, awkward moments but it went okay. That was almost 19 years ago. She's been my wife for more than 13. Maybe you have a good idea there?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rebecca11