I... I need someone to talk to.

Have you considered seeing an abuse counselor? Many women's shelters and other providers of abuse counseling services have programs for men as well (dunno if I'd try to use the CD angle to get a counselor that doesn't have a program for men). And they provide these services free of cost. What you've described to me, including family and previous employment, sounds like long-term abuse. No friends, but you were with her for 10 years? How does that work, exactly?

I'd check with your local SANE program (as my friend who is a director of the SANE program in her area recommended to me at one point...).

Thank You everyone for all the advice, and suggestions. I've read all of them. Sorry I haven't gotten back on here for a few days, I try to keep myself busy for the sake of my own sanity. Some of the suggestions given to me, I've already have had, and want to follow through with. Others well, I've felt have been a little harsh, but I know no one here has meant anything harmful, or bad, so I'm not offended.

When I wrote this thread, I was up all night, unable to sleep. That's how I am most of the times. I also, didn't go into a lot of details of my issues, because... well lets face it, WE all have problems from time to time.

I mentioned my living situation, with my parents, and my age. Now let me set some things straight here. My parents and I fight over quite a few stupid things. (Well mostly me mom and I), I do live with them free of rent, but I DO work around the house, do chores, etc... What we fight over, is more like my mom will tell me, when, where, what, and how to do things, and expect me to drop everything at the drop of a dime to do something for her. Then, she'll yell and scream and say how I'm completely worthless, and do absolutely nothing around the house at all. It irritates that she doesn't give me any credit for what I do do. Not to mention, she is completely un-supportive of me trying to go back to school. She thinks I'm wasting my time, and money (that I don't have) on something pointless because of my age. She has told me, that if I wanted to go to school, I should have done that, right after I graduated High School. She thinks at my age, I should already be in an established stable career, and should be settling down starting a family of my own already.

As for the job hunting, well... both of my parents think I should be able to put on a nice suit and tie, print out some resumes and go into companies and fill out a job application, and get hired. They do not believe me, when I tell them that almost all companies anymore hire via online applicants. They think I'm wasting my time on the computer, playing around.
Another issue that they love to bring up is my comparing me to my siblings. I have a older sister (3 years older) who got married straight out of High School, and a year later had her first kid. She's got a nice job, and has bought a nice house with her husband. Well, currently she is undergoing a divorce and her income is hurting so my parents are trying to help her out financially. My younger brother (4 1/2 years younger) is much in the same boat as me. He still lives here at home, but he has a job as a security guard, gets paid around $7 - $8 an hour, and his company works him nearly 96 hours a week. He is tired, so my parents (mostly my mom) leaves him be, and thinks everything is ok with him. "He's not the one screwed up here" is what she'll say to me. Since I'm in the middle, I often get accused of having "Middle Child syndrome" issues.

One of the suggestions given, has been to just pack up, and move somewhere new. Start fresh. Believe me, I have dreamed of doing just that, and have so badly wanted to. Reality is, it takes money to do that. Hence my problem. Plus, I do have deep roots here in my area, but I'm willing to up root myself. I've been looking for a job in other areas of the country to help motivate me. The job market in the Dayton OH (Area where I really live, Cincinnati is where I use to live/work when I joined here) region sucks. It's mostly health care industry, which I have no desire to get into. As I mentioned before, the museum I'm working at, is what I really love. Things is, NO BODY at the museum is paid. It's ALL VOLUNTEER. That has a lot to do with how it's operated, funded, and the kind of museum it is. It's a Veteran's Memorial Museum, which we collect and showcase the history of local veteran's services in our Country's History. We've got artifacts, and stories ranging from the Revolutionary War, up to the conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan. My area of expertise is in the WWI era. The museum is staffed by veteran's and family members of vets. (My Great grandfather served in WWI, and my grandfather served in WWII)
In school, I started out as a business major, but after I took one Western Civ. class, I impressed my professor with my knowledge of history, she has convinced me to take on a history major as well. Since then, I've taken and past with all A's every major history class my school has offered. I just need to start taking all the little more specialized history classes now. This professor, has became a good friend, and mentor, and I meet with her every now and then for lunch or something. She has even been at the museum I work at, to check out what I'm doing there.

This has been one of the most up beat, and positive things going for me, and helps me keep hope that things will turn out alright. My over all plan with working there, has been just the experience so I can write it down on my resume, and give me some credentials for a future career in that sort of work. I think I want to become a curator of a historical museum, but I've been told I would make a great teacher in a history class.

Right now, my problem is money, and I know that is only a temporary issue. When I wrote my original post, I mentioned it a lot. But it is not my only problem. That night I was also feeling very lonely and hurt over the recent break up I had with my previous girlfriend. I know, the whole "there's other fish in the sea" bit, but it doesn't mean it hurts any less. I've spoken to a few members here, via PM about things, and I'm feeling a bit better. I just got to keep looking upward, and trying. I am depressed, I'll admit it. But I'm not stupid, and I won't do anything like off myself. I know I've got something to live for, I'm just not sure what it is exactly yet.

I think of the line in the movie Batman Begins. "Why do we fall?, It's so that we can learn to pick ourselves back up." There's is a lot of truth in that statement. I've fallen, sometimes I need help, but I know I can pick myself back up. I just occasionally needed reminding of that.

Thanks Again Everyone.
Katie.

Hi Katie ... someone once told me when you are walking through the Valley of the Shadow of Death -- keep walking. As long as you keep moving, you're doing the right thing. A path forward will open up, although you can't see it yet. Whatever your course of action, the more friends you can surround yourself with ... the better you life will be. Most people I have know have gone through dark periods ... so don't think these things happen to you. Here's to wishing you all the luck and may you know happiness very soon.

Im thinking there has to be some kind of support group in yourarea that doesnt charge for you to attend.
I would check into that to hrlp you deal with some of the issues you have stated.
Its a start and I wish you good luck hun.
Renee

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Originally Posted by CorsetAngel

What we fight over, is more like my mom will tell me, when, where, what, and how to do things, and expect me to drop everything at the drop of a dime to do something for her. Then, she'll yell and scream and say how I'm completely worthless, and do absolutely nothing around the house at all. .

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Hi Katie, I know the feeling, except it was from the wife.:doh:

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It irritates that she doesn't give me any credit for what I do do. Not to mention, she is completely un-supportive of me trying to go back to school. She thinks I'm wasting my time, and money (that I don't have) on something pointless because of my age. She has told me, that if I wanted to go to school, I should have done that, right after I graduated High School. She thinks at my age, I should already be in an established stable career, and should be settling down starting a family of my own already..

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Says this cause she sees you going nowhere....fast. Has reached a limit where she doesn't know what else to do with you or tell you to get you motivated.

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Since I'm in the middle, I often get accused of having "Middle Child syndrome" issues..

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Forgive me but, I see this as an excuse.

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In school, I started out as a business major, but after I took one Western Civ. class, I impressed my professor with my knowledge of history, she has convinced me to take on a history major as well..

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That's great. Did you ask her to pay for it?

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I am depressed, I'll admit it. But I'm not stupid, and I won't do anything like off myself. I know I've got something to live for, I'm just not sure what it is exactly yet.

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Well, lets get working on that like.....yesterday:D

Katie, I understand that your down in the dumps. Alright, Lets get organized and move forward. But, we need to get out of 1st gear. To get into 6th gear your going to have to revved up that engine. Blow out some of the carbon out and get going. Don't stay in one place hoping for the best. You GO.:hugs:

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Originally Posted by CorsetAngel

As for the job hunting, well... both of my parents think I should be able to put on a nice suit and tie, print out some resumes and go into companies and fill out a job application, and get hired. They do not believe me, when I tell them that almost all companies anymore hire via online applicants. They think I'm wasting my time on the computer, playing around.

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Actually, most companies hire without ever posting online or reading an application. You volunteer at a museum? You go to school? NETWORK.

Also check out the "Ask the headhunter" series on PBS. Those stories show up in my google news feed every now and then.

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Originally Posted by CorsetAngel

... What we fight over, is more like my mom will tell me, when, where, what, and how to do things, and expect me to drop everything at the drop of a dime to do something for her. Then, she'll yell and scream and say how I'm completely worthless, and do absolutely nothing around the house at all. It irritates that she doesn't give me any credit for what I do do. Not to mention, she is completely un-supportive of me trying to go back to school. She thinks I'm wasting my time, and money (that I don't have) on something pointless because of my age. She thinks I'm wasting my time, and money (that I don't have) on something pointless because of my age. She has told me, that if I wanted to go to school, I should have done that, right after I graduated High School. She thinks at my age, I should already be in an established stable career, and should be settling down starting a family of my own already.

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That is nothing more than a power, control and guilt trip. It is also pure, unadulterated bullfeathers. I started an accredited full-time (the only variety available here) electrical engineering degree at 31 and finished with a B- GPA four years later. Granted, I had a math degree under my belt, but education is almost never a waste of time. In Canada, student loans are available to cover most of the cost of tertiary education.

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As for the job hunting, well... both of my parents think I should be able to put on a nice suit and tie, print out some resumes and go into companies and fill out a job application, and get hired. They do not believe me, when I tell them that almost all companies anymore hire via online applicants.

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As I mentioned in my previous post, this is standard advice from a career counsellor. I received an open accusation of prevaricating over that one. Even the McJob ads are going online only around here.

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Another issue that they love to bring up is my comparing me to my siblings. I have a older sister (3 years older) who got married straight out of High School, and a year later had her first kid. She's got a nice job, and has bought a nice house with her husband. Well, currently she is undergoing a divorce and her income is hurting so my parents are trying to help her out financially. My younger brother (4 1/2 years younger) is much in the same boat as me. He still lives here at home, but he has a job as a security guard, gets paid around $7 - $8 an hour, and his company works him nearly 96 hours a week. He is tired, so my parents (mostly my mom) leaves him be, and thinks everything is ok with him. "He's not the one screwed up here" is what she'll say to me. Since I'm in the middle, I often get accused of having "Middle Child syndrome" issues.

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Your mother needs some lessons in parenting. Comparisons between children are, to be polite, unhelpful. Regarding your younger brother, his hours would be considered a violation of the labour code here. There is a maximum, but it is substantially less than what he is working. It also sounds like your sister didn't make a very good choice when she married her now ex, but it won't pay to tell her what she already knows.

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One of the suggestions given, has been to just pack up, and move somewhere new. Start fresh. Believe me, I have dreamed of doing just that, and have so badly wanted to. Reality is, it takes money to do that. Hence my problem. Plus, I do have deep roots here in my area, but I'm willing to up root myself. I've been looking for a job in other areas of the country to help motivate me. The job market in the Dayton OH (Area where I really live, Cincinnati is where I use to live/work when I joined here) region sucks.

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Do you have money for a core i3 laptop or the equivalent (locally about C$450 after taxes) ? That is what I've just done. I also have a portable internet connection (runs on the cellphone network) so I can go to the library to look for work without interference. If you have a cellphone, perhaps I can suggest a portable internet connection is a better use of the same money.

If you want to get into the history business and be paid for it, chances are high you will need at least a master's degree, possibly a doctorate so you can teach at a university if there are no paid museum jobs. Most universities discriminate against those without a PhD or the equivalent for teaching positions in all faculties. That being said, history is not my field of interest as paid employment.

First of all :hugs::hugs::hugs:

Once you are working in a career that has a future, pays the bills, and you don't hate, you will be set. Sounds like a high goal, but that's why they call it a goal and not a stepping stone. If you can close your eye's and play the "what if" game you will be at peace when you find the solution in you mind. If you had a career with a future, you would not be depressed about your financial situation. Your parents insults would be a known falsehood since you will be working in a successful career, and you will stand a good chance of being able to start "mate hunting" because you will know you can provide a future for your mate, and will have the self confidence to date one and not have to give a summary of your current situation when your mate prospect asks "what do you do, where do you live, etc". So to me it sounds like this would go a long way to solving your problem, I know easier said than done. When you go fishing for a big fish you don't drop your fishing line in a mud puddle. When looking for a career, you will be much less likely to find one in a small organization that has few employees. Do you have an awesome resume? You need to put one together if you don't. On your resume you can list all the skills that will make you valuable to a prospective employer, and don't be shy. Computer skills, programs you are familiar with like Microsoft Office, etc. If you know office, I would list them separately. If you are familiar with excel, list it. Your skills or accomplishments do not have to be paid jobs, if you wrote a great letter that got a grant for your museum include it. In fact, I have known people to see something they would like on the resume and actually volunteer to do something just so they could include it as a skill. Creative writing may be the key to landing that dream career you have been waiting on, so spend some time writing that awesome resume. I don't know if you have a smart phone, but if you do there is an app called pda net that allows you do tether your phone to your computer with a standard usb cable and do some of your research in private if you use a laptop. It works on Android and Iphone. Sounds like you need to get out of the house on a regular basis until you do get that career going where you can move out permanently. That environment is poisoning you and compounding the problem.

Many people get a large part of their identity and self esteem from their jobs. Although your museum job doesn't pay money, you are experiencing what it is like to work in a job where your efforts are appreciated, and they treat you with respect. If there are no positions that pay there that you can realistically shoot for, you will have to look elsewhere, that is the cold hard fact. You already know what you need to do, you know the path that will lead to your success, you can at least rest assured that you are doing the right ones and not stress over that. The job market is tough at the moment, and you may need to take a few jobs that aren't dream jobs before you land the one you want to stay with. As long as you don't tell yourself "this is as good as it get's and I'll never get the job I am happy with", you still have hope. And to quote a line from the Shawshank Redemption, "Remember, Red. Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies". Great movie, if you have never seen it, I highly recommend it.

Some area's are more depressed than others. I realize you have a base to work from there with your parents, but if a good opportunity presents itself you might prepare yourself to pick up roots and replant in an area that is growing not dieing. An example is Michigan is seeing one of the worse economic times in decades, while Texas is still booming. If you leave on good terms at home, I'm sure they would be glad to see you give something a shot. It's good to know if it doesn't work out you can return so I would not burn any bridges if it is your only port in a storm.

Good luck to you and your endeavors, remember you always have friends here you can talk to.

This is a strange piece of advice but, if you are lucky enough to be an alcoholic, go to an AA meeting. A person who looks just like me has three "problems." The first was that I just drank a little too much and didn't feel good about it the next day. The second was a 24/7 pot smoking thing. The third was CD.

When I go to meetings, my "alcohol" was the first two. I don't consider CD a problem but it does affect my life and how live. Be very careful to not confess or ever talk about CD to this crowd. Nobody will understand. I confine my topic to drinking, if I talk at all. Most of the time, I just listen and learn that everybody has problems, especially in an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.