Dating.

Don't fall into the "someday it will happen for you" mentality. Those who tell you that are wrong, it is not a given it will "happen someday". It might, it might not. You could find someone tomorrow, you could die alone never having had a relationship (it has happened.) I don't know when we started telling young people that whole "don't worry X will happen someday" thing, it is probably a product of the self esteem movement that started when I was a kid.

There is nothing wrong for wanting a partner (some who are older may try to make you feel better about how wonderful it is to be single, this does not make a young man feel better about being lonely), and I know exactly how you feel. At your age (I am not much older) you should want a partner, it is normal and healthy. If you want a partner, you will have to keep working on it, as frustrating as it can be (and as much as the whole process can really suck), don't give up and hope it will just happen someday like some are telling you. Finding a GG who is truly accepting is just a really tall order, it may not be something "wrong" you are doing, don't be too hard on yourself.

Hopefully this vlog will help you, it's by my friend Brin who is Bi-Gender and has partially transitioned.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dK77ugaUKs8

I am sooo sorry.

No dates here for 5 years... it stinks! Yesterday I was looking online at profiles of various women, and found one with a particularly attractive photo. Then I realized, "Hey I have that same exact dress!"

H Kim, Keep kissing frogs and sooner or latter you will find your PRINCESS.

Kimberly,
I struggled with this for many years. Even when I was in my teens and twenties, I would often go 2-3 years between lovers. Part of this was because I wanted a woman who would sweep me off my feet, take control, and take me to bed when she was ready. I also wanted someone who was as beautiful as Debbie wanted to be. Often, I met them through blind dates or other third parties.

The good news was that I learned to be a really good and loyal partner, and even dates that were thought to be "on night stands" often lasted 6 months to a year, and a few lasted several years. 7 years, 15 years, and most recently 9 years and still counting.

The quickest and easiest way I have tried was to put myself on a few dating sites where I could be completely honest. I looked at what I brought to a relationship (funny, smart, playful, spiritual, sexually adventurous), I looked at what I wanted from a relationship, including friendship, living situation, and personality traits.

Then I created a profile in a way that reflected my personality. In my case, I said something like:

I'm a cross between Robin Williams, Jim Carey, Bill Gates, Sean Connery, and Madonna.
I'm as wierd as Robin, as crazy and kookie as Jim, as nerdy as Bill, an old geezer like Sean, and have Madonna's fashion sense.
I included pictures of how I usually looked (Rex) as well as pictures of Debbie.
I also mentioned that I was comfortable financially and liked my job.

In match.com I could see that roughly 1,000 women had seen my profile and moved on, but of those 1,000 about 10 had shown some interest, of those, 6 asked me for a date, and 3 were serious candidates.

One just sent me an e-mail saying "Dude, you're wearing a dress, what's that about?". I wrote back, explaining that I was transgendered, a girl trapped in a boys body, that I liked to dress up, and that it was part of my life, I also gave her my phone number. We spent the next 2 weeks talking on the phone for 30-40 minutes each night, because I was on a road trip. When I got back, we went on our first date together. By then she knew my triggers and swept me off my feet and we went to my place. I dated her for a year before I proposed, then we were engaged for a year, and then we got married in 2006.

Some key elements to getting results:

Work the numbers - unless you are a hard core alpha male who likes the game of rejection, you probably DON'T want to try and go to bars and pick girls up. Imagine getting rejected, sometimes rudely, over 100 times before you got one positive response. Furthermore, if you haven't done something subtle to show your feminine side, she might drop you when she finds out that you are a CD.

On the other hand, if you go to social events and community gatherings and provide some clues to your feminine side, you will find that some women will come out of the woodwork in ways you never expected. Subtle things like wearing a women's CZ 3-stone ring on your right hand, and a pair of stud earrings, is a great way to show that you have a feminine side without wearing the dress. Wearing something pink, even a bit of make-up, will help women who ARE looking for someone like you find you. Keep in mind that to a bisexual, you are the answer to a prayer. She may even want to "feminize" you herself.

Keep in mind that appearances are often deceiving and often transient and situational. A woman who wears baggy pants, comfortable shoes, and a loose knit blouse my be a tiger in the bedroom, but you have to look past how she has dressed for this situation. There are very few situations, other than clubbing, where women will try to dress excessively feminine. However, they will often give you clues in the form of footwear, jewelry, or mannerisms that show you that she may note be as boyish and innocent as she appears at the moment.

Try different social environments. Halloween is coming up. This is the best possible time to go to a dance or social event as Kimberly. You can be as femme and sexy as you want, and when they see that you are comfortable in the heels, they will give you a bit of a ribbing, but will respect your courage. Don't be surprised if several women ask for your phone number.

Give them your phone number, don't ask for theirs. Giving them a business card or calling card takes the pressure off, and gives them the freedom to call, or not, if they are interested. The card should not promote a business, it should just have your name, a cute reminder of who you are, and your phone number. You can guess how excited I got when I got a message on my machine, in a very sexy woman's voice saying "Transvestites really turn me on, if you're interested, here's my number, call me back". That relationship lasted 15 years.

The next part is the hardest part. You need to tell at least 12 people, preferably women, about Kimberly. Women are very good at networking, and often, one of those 12 people will know someone who is looking for someone just like you. I kept 4 pictures of Debbie in my wallet, and shared them. I remember going to an Alano club (club for sober people who have quit drinking) and being waved over as I walked in. One of the women I had told in that town was sitting across from a friend. Her friend seemed unusually glad to meet me, and at some point, was pulling something out of her purse and she pulled up a pair of handcuffs. I put my wrists together and held them out and smiled. She was quite intrigued. Within 30 minutes, I was told that she knew about Debbie, and wanted to meet Debbie TONIGHT! That relationship lasted 2 years.

What matters is that you let a woman know what you have to offer, and that you be open to ANY possibility of response. That woman who is size 16 may not ring your chimes in the first 10 minutes, but if she has a positive attitude, and wants to play with Kimberly as much as you do, then you have a much better chance than you would with a girl who looks like Kimberly, but only wants you in boy mode, or worse. For this reason, you should always say YES to ANY woman who asks you for a date. Even if she's too old for you, too heavy, and too butch, she may know someone who would be a better match. If you treat her well, and it doesn't work out, she will very likely introduce you to some of her friends.

The biggest mistake that so many men make is that they try to be what they THINK a woman wants. They try to act like James Bond (pick the actor), or Brad Pitt, when they really want to be Kimberly. The problem is that the fake front becomes the barrier to a real relationship since she has fallen for the fantasy character you have created.

If you really want to be loved for who you are, you have to be who you are. Be yourself, even if that's Kimberly, and let people discover who she is. You don't have to do it everywhere unless you are a transsexual (in which case, you should be getting as much real life experience as possible).

The main thing to keep in mind is that you probably won't be the one to make the first introduction. Most relationships start because a mutual friend has reccomended or even arranged a meeting or even a blind date. She participates because she trusts her friend, or knows enough about you before the meeting with you that she wants to explore more deeply.

I suspect that you will be dating someone special before Christmas, maybe before the end of November (you don't have our "Turkey Day" :-) )

Dating is so hard! If I see a woman at the library the grocery store I just ask her for phone number. Tell her she looks like an interesting person to have coffee with . Then take her out for coffee date for about half an hour. This is like speed dating. You can meet five or more people a day doing this if you're not shy.

Online dating for me a big waste of time.

I never did figure out the dating game, but I suspect confidence in yourself may have a lot to do with it. When I met my SO It was during a time when I had just landed a good job and was feeling really good about myself and life in general. I was probably acting like a cocky so and so and at that time I had reason to be. Things progressed and she has stayed with me through the ups and downs of life, but I think it takes a while for 2 people to really get to know each other, and it don't happen in 1 date or overnight.

My advice would be to become good at something, your career, playing guitar, or some other hobby you like that someone might enjoy with you. Success is attractive, and gives you confidence in yourself

My 2 cents worth..........and that might be all its worth

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Kimberlyfaye

I have asked out tons of different girls. Gothic, pretty, tomboy, sporty, girly, you name it. I have no set type. I just love women. Maybe I am trying with the wrong girls, but it's not like I'm going after a certain type. If I see a girl I like I will become friends and then go on to ask her out. But then I'm just a friend so she's not interested. I've even tried just asking a girl out pretty much straight away. I think all of the women I have asked out were just shallow. They want tall, dark and handsome, ripped abs, and laddish. I'm not good looking enough. At least when I dress up I get attention. Even if it is from guys.

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Kimberly,
I don't know how good or otherwise any of the advice that you've already heard is. All I can do is to share with you my impression and my experience.
I hear what you're saying and it reminds me of me 20-ish years ago. Same issues! And then I realised that I was trying to hard. I was getting desperate and every girl that I tried to date sensed it and backed off! Then various things happened at work and I had little choice but to immerse myself in that. And then, one day I was in work surveying a building as part of a project that I wanted nothing to do with and I met this girl. Over the next few months I was in and out of her office a few times, each time simply keeping my head down and trying to do my job in as professional a manner as I could (trying to keep my job cos my boss was just looking for an excuse). Long story short - we've just celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary.

Food for thought? As they say in the colonies ;) , YMMV
Good luck!

There are really great suggestions flowing in this thread...

My two cents:
A) Love Yourself- Forget what you think your "faults" are and focus on what makes YOU happy. Go do the things that put a smile on your face, engage in your desired hobbies, surround yourself with people that make you happy... because what it boils down to is a SMILE on your face and a truly happy person is infectious. Happy people are attractive and magnetic. People will see that and just want to be around you.

B) Be Patient- In fact, stop "Looking" ...The harder you look the less you will see because you will be so focused on the end result of having a serious relationship you risk other potential friendships/relationships along the way. You also risk stressing yourself out to the point that you will be deeply depressed. (as I stated in "A": a happy person is attractive person)

C) Online Dating- Dating sites can be good and bad. You will most likely strike out many many... many times before hitting a homerun. It's common. Please do not get discouraged. If anything look for a lesson to be learned with every encounter good or bad (whether it be learning what questions you need to ask a person to find a potential match or... learning what things about a person are a complete deal-breaker). My SO and I met on a dating site. I was on the dating site on and off for about a year (pretty much feeling as discouraged as you are right now) til I finally said to myself "Whatever happens... happens." and "I will be more than content living a happy life surrounded by people who love me, even if am not in a serious romantic relationship." I needed to just be happy with me, my accomplishments thus far, and where I was at that point in my life in order for the real me to shine. Once I was completely comfortable in my own skin, I really started to project a confidence. Fast forward to present day: My SO and I have been together happily for about a year and a half.

Kimberly, I know I am a bit of a hopeless romantic... but I do believe there is someone for everyone. Hang in there.

Sending positive vibes!
~Lola

I have to agree with Lola here! I was in the same on-line dating boat for a long time. I only recently found a girl that really seems to be working well for me. She is amazing in so many ways.

I went on many dates with the online dating sites. I had numerous meetups and never hear from them again. Must have been my CD'r cooties or something. I was looking through the different profiles and studying all of the different aspects and information that I could find. I was very serious about. It really did get me very depressed. Very discouraged, and hopeless. About a year ago, I stopped looking so seriously. I went in with a more light hearted attitude towards dating. The one time meetups used to really bother me. When I stopped being serious, it didn't bother me if I didn't hear back from them. I was ok! I actually made several new friends, and have a new network of people to hang out with. This made me feel a lot more confident about myself. And as Lola said, it made me smile more and I was more fun to be around. I have been dating the same girl now for about a month, and things are going great! She knows about Amy, and is 200%+ supportive of it.

I can see where Reine is coming from with her advice about just being friends. However, you have to know when you have found the one person who is the potential. You need to know who is worth pursuing, and who would just make a great friend. It is far better to make a friend than nothing at all. If you like the girl, then you do need to show her that you are interested in being more than friends. If you take too long, you could miss the boat too. Dating is not easy, let alone dating and being a CD'r. But it is not impossible. Best of luck to you.