I'm so confused...

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Originally Posted by Heather in hose

What exactly am I? I like all of the typical masculine things... football, NASCAR, grilling, you get the idea. I am heterosexual. I don't even remotely look feminine. I wear a full goatee with mustache, stand 6 feet tall, weigh about 375 lbs (don't get me started on how hard it is to find women's clothes that fit properly), and have a voice like James Earl Jones. I just happen to like women's clothes better than men's clothes. I find them to be more comfortable. When I dress, I'm not trying to look female, I just want to wear the clothes. My wife and I came up with the name "Heather" for me when I'm dressed, and I'm fine with it, but I just don't relate to the whole feminine thing. That all being said, every once in a while, I do sometimes wish I was a woman, but only because I could wear what I want without risk of ridicule. What does that make me?

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In my opinion, this makes you a classic crossdresser (as opposed to engaging in cross-gender expression). It truly is just about the clothes for you. As to why you like just the clothes, I don't know. Do you think they make you look more attractive, or do you think the clothes are just so much prettier than male clothes?

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Originally Posted by Heather in hose

Also, while I'm confused about that, something else bugs me. My wife knows and supports my clothing choices, but yet I still feel the need to hide aspects of it, like joining this website. Why is that? I don't know.

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Maybe it's because you've been socialized to believe that it is wrong for a male to express interest in wearing women's clothes? And maybe you fear that your wife will think it more important to you than it really is?

If your wife ever does find out on her own that you've joined this site, then she will likely believe that you are hiding something much larger than just wanting to wear the clothes. Keeping it from her will have the opposite effect than you're after.

I like to think that gender isn't a binary scale. I think of it as more of a sliding scale and I'm not always in the same place on that scale.

Ameli

Heather
Welcome to the club. I am the same way as you describe with no mustache.
You are lucky your wife is OK with it. Mine is OK with my panties but not thrilled about finding bras and slips around
but doesn't want to know about my dressing at all

You are yourself. Ask yourself how your life will change, if at all, if you accept the simple term 'cross dresser'. Chances are your life won't change at all. Don't read to much into occasional thoughts or dreams. I've variously wanted to be a Beatle, a mountain man, a cowboy and a lawyer. Humans have imaginations and curiosity...so imagining different roles comes naturally.

I am with you, I am not very femme I just like the feel of the clothes. I am much more comfortable in a skirt than pants. I love the feel of stockings and silk panties. I know I could never pass but I love to dress up.

Another interesting story. We're all different, so be the best you can at being yourself. I eventually had to get rid of the facial hair myself, but that's just me.

Welcome Heather. It's a lot to sort out and may take a while. My biggest struggle was being okay with me in girls clothes. I felt ashamed. That was years and years ago. A loving and supportive wife changed that for me. If your spouse is supportive then you are truly blessed. I'd share this forum with her and have her consider joining. I bet she would embrace the idea.

If you find happiness in your own home doing what you do why bother about what others may think.
They don't have to know.
It is just you and your wife enjoying yourselves.

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Originally Posted by Heather in hose

I was having a conversation with my wife last night and it got me thinking... What exactly am I?

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Heather, it's not "What am I"...it's "Who am I". That's the question we all seek to answer.
Forget about labels, they only get in the way of the search for one's self.

Welcome to the forum, ask questions, seek answers, but don't get all bogged down in those labels. Enjoy what you enjoy and be happy in yourself and rejoice in the support you have from your spouse. That's something many of us don't have at all.

I really admire the cds here who can enjoy dressing and hardly bother with The Big Why. Someone here once referred to "the tv spectrum," which I think is a useful concept. The spectrum may range from mild fetishes for wearing panties, for example, to those of us who dress fully and go out, to the far end of us who want to change our sex. I believe most of us fall somewhere in the middle, but it really doesn't matter. For me, finding that point on the range where I "fit" is problematic but I do think the search helps me with identity....I was born male, but am obsessed with women's clothes. I wish I knew why but I don't. I do know that when I am dressed I can say: "This is right. This me. This I who I am...." at least for a little while.

I guess I know where you are coming from My wife is aware of my dressing and has been for 35 yrs I do have some clothing in the closet but generally I hide. I know she is not thrilled with it so maybe that is the reason. I too have no desire for transition and I like women. I have tried the other side and I just wasn't into it. I do like make up and I like getting out and about in full dress. Now I just accept it and try to have fun

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Originally Posted by Heather in hose

I just happen to like women's clothes better than men's clothes. I find them to be more comfortable. When I dress, I'm not trying to look female, I just want to wear the clothes.

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Keep doing that, and don’t let ANYONE talk you out of it! Also, don’t bother thinking too much about why you crossdress. These things don’t have to be explained, any more than breathing has to be explained…

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I'm so confused...

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Confusion is the province of the male. I should know. When you dress as a woman you compound the confusion, but I think this is purely natural, and maybe even desirable. You know, I’m confused, too…
:idontknow: