Terrified to go out dressed. Need advice

You seem to have succumbed to one of the many Forum Myths that Joe Doe non CDing public makes it their civic duty to look for/bust men wearing the wrong clothes.

FALSE! ONLY CDers do that. JD public has many other more important things to concern themselves with.

I suggest going to a crowded place like a mall and just walking. The walking/moving alone will help you relax. As has been reported here at least thousands of times over the years, very few people either care or notice or are clueless enough to raise a stink. Besides who cares what clueless folks think?

RELAX, RELAX, RELAX, don't look nervous and for heavens sake don't keep turning your head around and looking over your shoulder. The 2 things that to me have been the most important (that over 50 years of going out in public and completely blending in)... are the right wig for your face your age and body type, and the proper clothes to wear to whatever place you go where other GG's would dress the same. Don't hussy it up, its a dead giveaway and you'll get a lot of turned heads. Save the glitzy self-admiration for your mirror at home

You are in the best situation there is with a supporting wife. Just keep it simple and have fun. I couldn't imagine dressing without being seen, it's always been a must thing to do for me since the age of 15

I'm thinking this may depend on how passable you really think you are. Post a picture and get some opinions from the gurls her as I will bet you'll get a lot of advice. Like one said 90% won't care but that leaves 10% who can be trouble and that can be embarassing for you and your wife so you want to make sure to cover all bases of dressing from the actual look to the moves you make. A drink or two won't hurt as long as you know your limit. Pick the right restaurant which is a bit low key and make sure it's a night meal as think you'll be more comfortable. I know in our mind when we're out that we think of ourselves as standing out from the crowd in our minds because we are cds and we're not used to being a gurl out in public. Discuss with your wife also what your reaction and response might be if you do run into assholes who want to be rude so you're not caught off guard. You have as much right to be out in public dressed anyway you wish so enjoy but be sure you're safe.

It's great that you're getting out (I haven't yet), but you better watch those few drinks if you're driving anywhere. If you get picked up for OVI or DUI, you'll be spending at least some hours in the local jail bullpen dressed in whatever you're wearing along with a bunch of strangers. That would certainly put a damper on the festivities no matter how great the outing was for your first time.

:hugs:Fantastic support ladies. You all made my day with your encouragement and advice. I don' feel alone and I am more determined to enjoy life as Heather. My lovely wife is a jewel. We are now packing our dresses and actually trying them on.

Lots love and kisses

Heather

Quote:

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Originally Posted by linda allen

I don't think drinking alcohol to get up the courage to go out is good advice. People tend to make bad decisions when under the influence of alcohol.

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I don't drink and dress period. To much chance of poor decisions and/or poor driving, among others.

bad decisions make the best stories !

Yes, if you live to tell them!

Awesome answered some of my questions thank you all

congratulations.

The first time I did anything like that with my wife, I was so scared that I would not get out of the car...she basically told me to be a man! ... the only advice, is keep it fun for her, don't be too much of a chicken and don't make too many jokes about it being hard to walk in heels...she will grow tired of hearing what she must do all the time. Be confident, you belong as much as anyone.

I'd love to have your situation, sounds like an incredible night out awaits you. Just remember while your out, you have every right to be. If fears of what others might think of you come remember that most people in public are set on their own agendas and wont even give you a second thought.

Some tips for passing:
1. Make sure your beard shadow is invisible. This is the #1 tell for us.
2. When you walk into the restaurant, walk in like you own the place! Women do this, and if you look nervous and scared, people will notice.
3. Dress a little more modestly than you might, unless you are going to a VERY fancy restaurant. If you are dressed to be noticed, guess what? People notice! If you blend in like every other GG in the place, people are much less likely to notice you.
4. Are you afraid when walking around your house dressed? Nope. Why is that? Because you feel safe, and nobody is looking at you. So don't pay attention to the people around you. Just walk in, look confident, and don't consider at all that you are in public. It's a little like Wile E. Coyote running off the edge of a cliff - he's fine until he looks down. Passing in public is like that.

Basically my experience is that people see what they want to see. If they expect to see a woman, and you look and act like one, that's what they see. It also helps if you are a little older - older women draw less attention. Sucks, but it's the truth. Younger women get made more easily because they attract more attention. Tradeoff of age. People aren't looking for a CD - so if you don't give 'em a reason to see one, they generally don't.

Best of luck, and be brave. I know it's hard.

Some pretty good advice here. The only thing I would take exception to is alcohol. You really need to keep your wits about you if you get befuddled because you're a bit tipsy you won't look or feel good.

Other than that, dress in clothes that are appropriate and you feel comfortable in. This is not the time to teeter in heels.

The hardest thing I found was simply to "own it." Nothing will give you away faster than trying to hide yourself. It took me some time to do it, but I learned to walk tall, make eye contact (appropriately) with other women, and basically assert my right to be there.

LGBT friendly places are nice, but I actually have more fun in mainstream venues. In a LGBT place I am more likely to be made and also to have to fend off unwanted attention. In the mainstream I'm just a tall, not terribly attractive, fortyish, woman.

Have your wife drive the car. With two women in a car, one has to drive, let it be her. Things will be much simpler if you get stopped or have an accident.

Be careful about the all the people who say, "Oh, just go, it'll be fine." Most likely it will be fine...it usually has for me, but not always....Try not to dress "overly-girly." You can look female without five inch heels, red lip gloss, and other precious things we love...I think going out dressed is something all CDs want to do...just do so when you're ready....passing is VERY difficult for most of us. You will probably be read, and probably most people will just leave you alone. But be on the lookout for the occasional brute who feels he has to prove his manhood by insulting you, or gaggles of high school girls who will photograph you and put you online....you are right to be cautious....this s**t can happen.

Few drink will not hurt. We also don' plan to drive, so that is out my worries. You all have given me the support and advice. The clothes we picked are normal lady dresses for a dinner, I will post pictures later.

Love you all

xxx

Heather

I have to second the message on NO ALCOHOL. Alcohol will lower inhibitions and cloud judgment. Go anywhere, relax and enjoy yourself, but stay completely sober

In my 15 years of going out and about, the only bad things that I can remember happening to any girls involved alcohol--too much of it.

It is not a crime to cd, but it is a crime to drink and drive.

I'm not a tea totaler, and will drink my share of alcohol, but I rarely if ever have a drink while dressed. especially if I am out in a public venue.

Jodi

that what I do.

most places I go there are many cd's and ts dressed everywhere you look.