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A lot of people, myself included, were very uncomfortable about making their CDing "real" with a FTF encounter. It took me quite a few PMs and texts to develop the comfort level needed to take that step.
Now, I like to think of myself as a reliable person. If I say I'm going to meet with someone I will show up. However, if someone pushes me to do something before I am ready I will say "no." Someone with a bit less self-confidence might find it easier to say "yes" and then just not show up.
My thing is that I would want to initially meet up en drab, however it seems like the people that I am encountering not only looking for someone to dress up with, but play around as well.
I have never had more than about a 50% success rate at meeting up with other CDs, whether arranged in advance by email or telephone. There was a time, ten years or so back, when a particular store in the Chicago area would refer some of their customers to me to accompany them on their first outings, since I was known as a reliable and safe guide. A lot of these meetings were arranged, and I would be on my way to the appointed spot when I got a message canceling the event. Or, they simply wouldn't show, with no explanation. I came to believe this goes with the territory, and I don't hold it against the other girls in any way. Many of us lack confidence both to be seen dressed in public and when meeting strangers for the first time, and we need to rehearse doing it and develop a safe strategy, which sometimes involves going through all the planning right up to the last minute before deciding that it just isn't the right day or circumstances. Heck, something like breaking a nail or having a bad hair day can throw me off my game sometimes and give me doubts about going out, so I fully understand those first time jitters. Persistence does pay off, and I made several good friends in the long run when these outings actually took place.
- Diane
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beverley Sims
Many of the people I do talk to for weeks or months! I am not even looking to date them, and I make it clear that friendship is all I am looking for. Also some of the people that I was going to hang out with but flaked were the ones that pushed wanting to hang out!
Ayame, a group setting might be the best place to meet people with no other intentions of socializing, meeting new friends, and having fun! I do not know of anything like that going on in LI. but I do know you are smack in the middle of NY, NJ, and CT. There are a lot of Events and Group meetups that you can find those you are looking for. Unfortunately aside from the flakes, there are a lot of people like us looking to hook up, you do not fit their criteria, and those that get cold feet.
So as long as you are setting your expectations on the intentions of others you are going to continually set yourself up for disappointment! Might I suggest that you find an event, set the date, do not have it be contingent on knowing or have chatted with anyone in particular prior to. This way all expectations are thrown right out the window and YOU WILL meet people and be able to see face to face if there is possible friendships there without all the cloak of cyberspace blinding you in finding those you are really looking to meet!
The real reality is you are going to have to venture out of your own comfort zone and into the real world to find exactly those you are looking for. I would he more than happy to share any info or groups you can look into in your own time frame and mostly in what YOU are.comfortable with!
I hope this was helpful!
Sami ;.)
Hi Ayame,
I had great luck with a group called Renaissance. They have (had) several chapters all over PA. Going to a safe meeting with a group of like-minded ladies was the best thing I did. The environment was totally accepting and safe and, after a few meetings, you begin to make friends and find your niche. That was almost 15 years ago. I know that the charter group still meets on the 3rd Saturday of the month, but it is by Philadelphia. The still are a good resource. The url is www.ren.org maybe you could contact them and look for a group near you?
Ayame, check out femme fever on Long Island. They were very active at one point and had several events planned throughout the year.
It's common, there are a lot of us that just cant make it out of the closet. I use to be hurt, but realize they are not doing it to hurt me, they want to but when it come to doing it, there feet get cold. Don't give up you will find someone. The important thing is we all need to keep trying, keep trying to get out and to get and to encourage other to do the same.
I agree with Annaliese. I have been guilty myself of joining a site and corresponding and making acquaintances only to be scared by something or fear that I would be exposed somehow and vanish, although it never went as far as making plans to meet. I hope those days are over for myself, but we all need to have patience and understanding.
It is not you.....it happens alot. Years back my partner and I used to meet others just to walk them in a local club we had here. Sit with them, introduce them to our friends ect.....just trying to help with a safe first outing. Some showed many did not. So we just do our own thing now.
I think fear and over thinking gets to them.....its them not you.