What's more important being in a relationship such as marriage or CDing?

From what I know of myself, and also what I know from others You don't just give up being CD. You might be able to hide it, make it go dormant for a period of time, purge and then when it resurfaces back to square one! You do know that If you weren't slipping into your wife's or girlfriends panties after the purge you know the thought will always on your mind. Then BAM! New panties, and so on!

Bottom line is that you can't give up what is part of you for the sake of anyone but yourself! If you do it for the sake of saving a relationship the consequence will be to your own detriment. You will feel resentful, deprived, and at a loss of yourself.

I wish you the best with your situation, it is only you who can determine what you can live with or what you can't live without!

I have been into something like cross dressing ever since I was born. Mom wanted a girl so bad. She sewed dresses for me before and after I was born. Now the urges from childhood may or may not have had anything to do with my enjoying the smooth women's clothes or hose and heels and of course the makeup I find so attractive. I also know I pushed the urge to dress down while raising my family. All the while thinking just maybe I was a weird do underneath my wanting to be a guy but enjoying wearing my wife's panties which she thought didn't matter cause I was her man. I am still ( and she said this just the other day) shaped like a manly man. From the back I have a very small butt, and broad shoulders. Even thought of Professional football type shape. My wife and family and Church means the world to me. I love each one and I will state that if thought cross dressing was wrong spiritually, hurting my wife in any way I would quell it in a heart beat. I'm 64 and having a blast in life with my lover soulmate and best earthly friend. Many have guilt about what they do I believe we shouldn't carry guilt it can only destroy you. God meant for us to be happy so why would you ever have to choose between a soul mate and any weirdness either one of you do. Life's short enough so why make it seem to last forever if you are unhappy. Work things out with your partners but just remember both have to come to the bargains table open minded. I love you all on here and don't want you to ever have to decide is cross dressing or someone you love more important. That's just not in my agenda to ever have to decide that. You must both work on any relationship for it to stand a chance of survival.

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Originally Posted by Tracii G

How do clothes constitute cheating?

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According to her: since the clothes did not belong to her ( we are completely different in size), then that must mean they belong to another women and so I would be cheating.

I am a very loving person to the point caring about how others feel that I don't think about y own happiness. Also seeing that I always wanted a family and for things not to be the way they were when I grew up; I'm willing give up a part of myself to make sure the life it created stays the same. Even if I know it is unhealthy to do so. I ready know to well how this part of me will never go away and if suppressed will come back with vengeance. What makes it even harder when you have an SO that plays emotional mind games by saying she wants divorce and full custody of the kids, but turns around and ask me to hold her at night because she had a creepy dream. I fall for it all the time, but I do need to start thinking about my own happiness for once.

IDK, but it seems to me there is still a big lack of communication going on. Perhaps because you have not told her much about your CDing other than you desire to, she is not ready to grasp it or try to accept it? Or maybe she is just one of those who will never accept it in any form, in which case you might need to be ready for a separation. It sounds to me that where you are on the TG scale is far enough where you will need some acceptance. If you were to get that, and have a bit more freedom, who knows where you are really at. I believe that those who are forced into the closet, or have a serious lack of acceptance around them sometimes becomes even more dysphoric.

I don't see these as separate choices, Billie. If a relationship is really complete and worthwhile, each of those in the relationship must aid the needs of the other - as long as those needs are legal and ethical. If your wife denies the merits of your needs, she shows that she doesn't care about a very important part of you. If she refuses to communicate about it, she implicitly expresses that her desires are valued more than your needs.

I lived through such a marriage for more than 20 years, but never again. My current marriage accommodates all of me, a necessity that I expressed early on - just as I accommodate my wife's unique needs and idiosyncracies. I do compromise to limit my feminine expression in some ways address my wife's needs, but she supports my need to express this very important part of me and has helped me to find my place. This is two-way communication and compromise that enables each of us to grow beyond what either of us could separately - the hallmarks of a quality relationship.

Miriam

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Originally Posted by gendermutt

IDK, but it seems to me there is still a big lack of communication going on. Perhaps because you have not told her much about your CDing other than you desire to, she is not ready to grasp it or try to accept it? Or maybe she is just one of those who will never accept it in any form, in which case you might need to be ready for a separation. It sounds to me that where you are on the TG scale is far enough where you will need some acceptance. If you were to get that, and have a bit more freedom, who knows where you are really at. I believe that those who are forced into the closet, or have a serious lack of acceptance around them sometimes becomes even more dysphoric.

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There was never really any type of communication in this relationship or any type acceptance and there never will be. She knows that I do CD because of the shirt and panties she found. I'm looking at my current situation it seems one minute she's nice and the next really mean as if she was bipolar. This really messes with my emotions and it's not good. I have no family near by and no friends; only those I know at work. I'm still trying to find a good therapist who will help, and I have no support group other then here, so I'm alone trying to sort out a lot of things and afraid to take that next step. I'm like those people that stay in an abusive relationship. It is quite possible that I have become even more dysphoric and acceptance is a big factor. I will look at that more and bing that up with the therapist I have now.

Correct me if I misunderstood your previous posts, but didn't you not only tell your spouse you xdress but you also are thinking of transitioning. Just the disclosure of wearing woman's clothes after years of marriage is devastating, let alone tossing in the Trangrenade. Her mood swings are a natural reaction to what you told her. Not only does she have to wrap around her head about her man dressing as a woman, but add in the thought her man actually wants to change gender is a lot for her to wrap her head around.
In addition to therapy for you, Couples therapy might be beneficial if your spouse is agreeable to attend. If you need to transition, your marriage is most likely doomed. Marital therapy might help her understand what you are experiencing, but I highly doubt it will help to cement the marriage. It may however allow both of you to maintain some type of friendship. If you are a xdresser with no intention of transitioning hopefully you can reach some type of conciliatory arrangement. I you need to transition and take steps toward that end, there can be no compromise. You need to live your life as you.

Difficult decisions for sure, but they have to be made. There is no running and hiding once the genie is out of the bottle.

There must be tons gender therapists in the Bay area. I am sure some woman here can point you one or two.

i dont understand why it all has to be soooo profoundly troubling for a wife.big deal.are there not enough reallll problems in this world to worry about.youy would think that a woman would welcome the fack that her husband can soooo relate to her.....i just dont get all the anger.....but i live it

I am single for this exact reason...I dont want to deal....there are so many S/O posts on here....and dealing with the issues,headaches etc....god bless those that have supportive wives....but I personally can not own a better shoe collection than my girlfriend....this is why I am single

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Originally Posted by bomba

youy would think that a woman would welcome the fack that her husband can soooo relate to her.

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Sadly, women want a man, who will be the man 100% of the time. A CD loses the man card, at least partially, regardless if you CD once a month or daily or anything in between. It's ironic how many women will accept a CDing friend, but not a CDing husband.

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Originally Posted by Adriana Moretti

I am single for this exact reason...I dont want to deal....there are so many S/O posts on here....and dealing with the issues,headaches etc....god bless those that have supportive wives....but I personally can not own a better shoe collection than my girlfriend....this is why I am single

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Same reason I'm not married. Same reason why a psychic pressuring me to date & get married caused me so much stress. Whether your a CD or TS, having an SO usually creates headaches and in the case of TSes (and sometimes CDs) leads to nasty divorces. In my case there were reasons other than the clothes why I'm single, I really really hate the male role in marriages, plus I'm considering transition.

For me the decision is easy. It is CDing. I am not in a relatioship, and seeing a lot of the problems the ladies on this board are having in relationships, there is no desire on my part to get involved in one.

Do you have children together in the home? That would certainly be one factor as to whether or not to save the marriage.

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Originally Posted by bomba

i dont understand why it all has to be soooo profoundly troubling for a wife.big deal.are there not enough reallll problems in this world to worry about.youy would think that a woman would welcome the fack that her husband can soooo relate to her.....i just dont get all the anger.....but i live it

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They are physically attracted to men. They are wired by nature to want men who are "men", and are "gender conforming." Believe me, as a lonely "soft" man, I am not at all happy about that, but it is the way it is.

Billie I'm now convinced that you either have serious mental Heath issues or your a faker and a troll. Your posts are all over the place, one minute your asking this ridiculous question (duh! You will never give up CDing or wanting to transition) the next your moving out, getting your own place, comming out at work etc.

You, my friend, need to get a grip!

If you're for real And want to be succesful at transition (which I now doubt), you will take this advice.
1. Get a therapist versed in gender issues YESTERDAY!
2. Get a good divorce attorney. If you can't afford an attorney you can't afford transition.
3. Find a local support group. Online is all well and good but there is no substitute for meeting face to face with real people going through a real transition.
4 until you have consulted an attorney, stop talking to your wife, she is manipulative, nasty and has threatened you with bodily harm. Also stopping talking to anyone about being trans except your therapist and the people at your support group.

When I was married, I was prepared to do absolutely anything to stay together with my wife, but she had already made other plans that did not include being married to a crossdresser. The guy she was attracted to was gone, replaced by a sissy. And if you're a sissy, it doesn't matter what you're wearing, that's what she will see you as forever; a feminine version of yourself. You can't unring a bell.