A question for those in relationships..

As my wife put it...women consider all other women competition.
It doesn't matter what they look like or who they are, they are the competition...and that includes us. It's a difficult thing for us to understand as we know we are not trying to compete, but if we by some chance look better in some way...a particular outfit, of course our styled wigs or whatever...we are the competition.
It took a long time for my wife to get past that...and it's still not completely gone. Just make sure you complement and compliment her.

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Originally Posted by Michelle V

I believe as CDs we have much more to prove, we are attempting to be something we are not, girls. We work harder at it than GGs therefore when we get good feedback it not only inflates our egos it triggers a certain psychological acceptance and we can the deal with life, those of us with supportive wives and girlfriends have to also be understanding of their needs. Not only do they have to deal with a different version of the common men but also compete with their female counterparts which makes it twice the work. So just make sure your male side dedicates enough time to her and your female side supports her in every way. Believe me you are not alone. Good luck.

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I read something on this once. I don't have the link, but I'll summarize as best I can. It was a piece written by a TS on why some men desire TSs more than GGs. The very nature is how much we desire to be feminine. GGs are already feminine (most of them anyway), and if they really desire to show off, they dress up. However, TSs, CDs, etc. have more of a desire to be feminine, and they also have to work harder at it to cover up their masculine/male side. Therefore, some men desire TSs and CDs more than GGs because they (and don't take offense to this GGs) "appreciate" their femininity more. It's not to say GGs don't like being themselves, but TSs and CDs desire the ability to be feminine, whereas with a GG, it just comes naturally, and therefore, little to no desire to become it.

Again, no offense to GGs.

One other point of potential conflict is the simple "competition" for time.

There was a period in our relationship that whenever our child was left with the grandparents and we had time alone, I wanted to dress. It seemed logical to me at the time, but then later she told me there was some resentment because she wanted to spend those infrequent childless moments with her man. Just make sure you carve out enough time for husband/wife things.

For me it's not competition so much as a combination of abysmally low self-esteem, terrible body image, and the fact that I've never been all that feminine. I don't feel threatened so much as entirely out of my league. That's all on me though, and while my husband being extremely passable does add to the threat it's mostly my depression screaming it.

When my wife and I were married she was very thin with curves in all the right places. Over the years and having two children she had put on a lot of weight. As my dressing progressed, at first there may have been some jealousy, especially when I would wear some of the things she could no longer fit in. I learned that I needed to buy my own things. Since she's gotten comfortable with my dressing, it has seemed to inspire her to workout and watch what she eats. When we shop she'll pull something of the rack and say "this would look good on you but I can't pull it off, not yet". So tread carefully and stay in tune to your wife's feelings.

I can't speak for anyone else, but the difference in my wife's and my behaviour is very telling I think.

When we get home from work, the first thing she does is have a shower, and slip into cotton track pants or a sarong. I hear her visible sigh of relief as she removes her restrictive undergarments. I, on the hand, do the exact opposite. My relaxation is slipping into very similar clothes to the ones she just removed. So, I slip into hose and high heels, and a dress with the full rig of lingerie underneath. That's how I relax.

When we go shopping together, she heads straight for the cotton knickers and tops, and I head straight for the satin and microfibre. We have totally different tastes in clothes, fabrics, patterns, and etc.

Sometimes, I'm a little doubtful whether I am in fact a crossdresser, because I don't dress like any woman I know. I dress like a male conception of how a woman dresses. It's a fantasy really.

Another happy cross-gender couple. Yay!

-MM

Sammie I would suggest a couple of things
1. Reine's response is the only one from a GG so far on this thread. Given that you are trying to understand what your wife might be thinking you might want to pay fairly close attention to the only actual GG response.
2. Getting into a "i'm better looking than you" scenario personally I think is the LEAST of your worries in talking to your wife about your cross dressing. Please read the threads on how to tell your wife / partner and go through the threads in the Loved ones sections and try to get a handle on how GG's and your wife are likely to respond to your coming out to her. You have a lot more issues to cover I think before you get close to worrying about competing with her for who looks best.

Thank you Adina, I've read every post so far! :3

If I were to tell her tomorrow, I'm not sure how she would react. So far, my best luck has been in having small conversations here or there. I'm fairly certain she knows that I like to dress on occasion, from the fact that she has asked me to wear her panties before, during intimate moments, but every time i backed down. I'm hoping from that she registers it's not just a sexual kink. Quite honestly, I've never had a pair of panties that really fit well, so they aren't that big of a deal to me - it's more about trying to be as convincing as possible, but I digress.

She keeps telling me that she wants to get a pedicure, and I think that I might take her and go get our toes done. I've never done that with her, and I hope she'll see it as a sign of me opening that part of me up to her. (well, technically, her and a bunch of her friends painted mine and all the guys in my wedding party's toes the night before the wedding. So I guess that wasn't the first time :3.)

We were all heavily intoxicated. XD

I think you sound pretty sensitive to her needs..follow your instincts, take it slow, share your embarrassments and insecurities if you have any..make yourself as vulnerable as you can, show as much emotion as you have. And i think you are right to do it in little pieces..give her plenty of time to digest/accept/reject/question, understand and hopefully love for the complexity that is you. doing it a little at a time helps stop her from feeling overwhelmed or railroaded into something she hasn't chosen. The advice about making sure she still has plenty of access to the masculinity she fell for in the first place. And everything paulaQ said is worth rereading..you want to know if anything You might wear would turn her off, before you go all-out. She can't "unsee" something she has seen, sounds like the most important thing i've read in the thread. She sounds like a gem though, good luck.

Great topic Sammie.
The posts have given me much to think about and reason for much introspection.

The only thing I can offer to the topic is what my wife said when I disclosed my crossdressing to her. If there is an occasion that calls for it, my wife dresses up just enough to get by. She has never been fashion conscious. She was crying when she said that she can't even advise me how to apply makeup.

This thread shined a light on the risks of looking better than my wife.

Best wishes
MsVal

I've been a lifelong crossdresser and my wife knew before we were married over 42+ years ago. Back then she was a size 5 and I was a 10. Now I'm a 12 and so is she. I know her very well and she would not appreciate it if when I dress up I was more girly than she is. She opts for slacks which I would never do given the choice. She does not have a pair of heels over 3 inches. I have 3 pair that are 5 1/2 inches. We simply have different styles and tastes but I know she would be crushed if she thought I somehow looked better. I don't see how I can but I'm not going to find out what she thinks. She's a real woman and I think she is beautiful but she is not confident about her looks and how the aging process changes what beauty is. So, my goal is for her to never see me dressed.

My girlfriend actually likes to borrow some of my bras. A couple of them she won't give back she likes them so well!

Sammie, I think your wife knows, and she is just trying to get you to open up to her and she is probably waiting and wanting you to feel more comfortable with yourself.