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@ Jennifer - what you describe is a pretty typical symptom of mild gender dysphoria. No argument that you are male identified, but you have a feminine side and she wants to be pretty. I think you are very presentable, and dress well and attractively.
This is simple Human Nature and nothing more. Easily verified at any Dating site. Time and time and time again, whenever it comes up. A man's "looks" are seldom at the top of women's lists of desired traits for a partner ... unless the women are teens or early twenties. Men on the other hand of almost any age will usually have attractive in first or second place on their lists of wants.
A better looking guy has only a slight advantage over an average guy...as far as landing a FEmale companion.
Is it because women are less shallow about looks than men? No, it's because few women are "turned on" by a man's physical appearance. It's simply contrary to their most basic programming.
Few men are going to spend all the time, money and effort on their own "presentation" that females do, because they are likely to NOT benefit in any way, shape or form. Manufacturers are not going to produce products for men that nobody will buy.
More proof can be seen by simple observation. It's very rare to see a "good looking" guy with an average looking woman. The opposite is not uncommon at all. "Hot looking" women are seen with average looking men all the time. But more often than not the man is "successful". "Successful" men are more likely to make "better" fathers for any offspring.
The dance has been this way for a long time and it's not changing anytime soon although men are becoming ever more obsolete in general. [and both science and research support this]
I am "fortunate" enough to have only one mode, where my only concern is making sure my fly is zipped.
Jenn - completely nutty, just like you! Male slob, elegant female.
Hi Jennifer,
You mention you have a buzz cut. Are you able to grow out your hair? With my long hair, I can see both sides of me even in guy mode. Give me a comb, and I can effect a feminine look easily. It' s certainly human nature to have our self-doubts. But you're very good looking as Jennifer, and you've got great legs!
Regards,
Brenda B
Dressed as a female, I look quite attractive and pretty. I don't look like the same person. As a matter of fact I look ten to fifteen years younger.
As a male I look my age or older.
Hi,
Successefull men are better fathers, successefull in what way ,
how does that work,
that gets me off the hook does it not, i would not say i was successfull concerning money or being in a top job i never climbed any ladder or pushed my way over others,
Yet none of the bridges or commercial building's or other buildings iv designed and built have fallen down i employed others to work for myself i was well trained, so was i successfull spos not
We have 3 grown up adults and 11 grand kids 18 of us in our clan. not successfull no i quess your right,
spos your not when your ....only.... a woman. ya dont count in a mans world.
Still not successfull, im in charge of a multiy millon $ complex have others to work under myself , maybe i see success in a very different way, your right i never was successfull how could i be im not a guy, so maybe i am as a woman would that count i'v got little else maybe im successfull in other ways , hmmmm , maybe,
...noeleena...
Hi Jennifer,
Most guys never question their looks, I always close shave every day thinking I'm ready to put makeup on but when your hairdresser asks if you want you ear hair and eyebrows trimmed you realise male mode is not being taken care of. Makeup is just addictive once I did what Mikell did and took pictures of the stages, viewing them is weird seeing the guy disappear, maybe we are just actors and we're getting into character, Jen you could be right we're not just nutty but nutty actresses, not another name to live with !
Hi Jennifer,
I can totally relate to not looking at (you could almost say avoiding) the mirror in guy mode, and an over abundance of it in girl mode. Until you brought it up, i don't think i even realized the contrast.
I wouldn't say i'm a shlubby male, I do care about my appearance there, and although its not half as fun as the girl wardrobe, have a pretty big guy wardrobe. I will shoot a glance at the mirror, confirming my hair is the right mix of messy vrs neat, but don't dwell there and enjoy the moment like when in girl mode.
I think this is probably due to two reasons -
1) When getting dressed as a girl, there are so many more variables to consider - how different pieces go together, and how to emphasize the female and minimize the male. When dressing as a guy its way easier to pick a shirt, pants and shoes that match and be ready to go.
2) I think we all derive alot of enjoyment & re-enforcement from the mirror in girl mode. For a long time the mirror and the camera were the only ways to experience Kaylee because she was hidden from the outside world. Developing self without any exterior feedback would be difficult, and until a person starts going out, the mirror and online communities are the main places we get that feedback.
Hugs!
It's very much the same for me. Case in point, I spend oodles of time researching and online shopping for Camille. But I've desperately needed new male clothes for work for some time, and I never seem to make the time to go buy them. Just not that excited by the idea. My wife gets baffled. I do care how I appear as a guy (more so since I started CD'ing), but not enough to invest major time into it given all of the other stressors to juggle in my life.
But when I look in the mirror and a girl looks back, the rewards center in my brain lights up like an xmas tree. I feel pretty and happy, enamored with how I look as a girl. It makes me want to keep doing it, find other pretty clothes, work on my look even more, etc. Some of this is likely b/c a part of my brain is and always has been wired in the way a girls' is, and so it's exciting and pleasing to let that part come out and grow. And also, at some level, there's probably a part of my male self that's shocked and pleased to see an attractive woman standing there. Plus it's a great escape from stress and life as usual. All in all, it's very reenforcing, exciting, and fun! As a result, I want to do it more, and keep doing it better. I think it's a natural consequence of how my brain is wired, and is why people get addicted to other things, too. I'd guess it's something similar for many folks here.
Camille
I am very conscious of how I look when en femme. I want to present as nice an image of a woman as I can. Although, I try to look nice as a man, there is much less with which to work!
Remember in all the threads all the post on why its okay for women to wear mens clothes but not the other way around, this thread explains pretty well why they like wearing jeans and a shirt. At times they don't want to have to bother will all that other stuff either and who can find fault in that.
I find all the makeup techniques and clothing looks very exciting to experiment with which is why for me the transformation is more enjoyable getting there than when it's achieved.
Even a stick figure looks better in a dress
As a guy I feel pretty ordinary, but put on a dress and I want to set the world on fire.
Jenn - just realized I did not answer your question. Yes you are, GF!! Big time.
I love to see the woman in the mirror. She keeps getting prettier evey year.
But the guy in the mirror could look better, be taller and stronger. The thing is I don't care that much about his appearance, so usually I won't bother doing something about it (especially about the "stronger" part). My wife compliments him tough. There was one time when we were at a rock concert, and she said "Oh my, I was looking at all these other guys... and you're the best looking one here". Everytime I say that girls clothing are better she try to convince me that men can have many options, which I disagree.
I'll observe that I pay more attention to my appearance in male mode now that I have gained the opportunity to express myself in female mode. Part of is it because I now have access to better fitting jeans and I think of colors more creatively. Before I became an active CDer I exhibited the male engineer trait of optimizing my wardrobe so that I could get dressed in the dark without mismatches. Now I select even my male wardrobe from both sides of the aisle, take better care of my hair, nails, and skin, and have the pleasure of selecting earrings even in male mode.
Good looking? I'll leave that to the eye of the beholder! :)
Maybe becuase in male mode, its effortless. You don't need to blend, or be "passable". You are just a plain old dude. Of course your wife thinks you are good looking in male mode, its what she married! I don't think inherently anyone could be with someone else they didn't personally find attractive.
I love how Luca likes to look good in male mode. When he gets ready for a date and he puts effort into "dude" luca, its awesome. You should make your good looking male self shine every once in a while. I am sure your wife would like it.
:)
Jen I know you have been wearing make up lot longer than I and also gave me the push in the right direction. I'm still a newbie at this but I am more self conscious about my appearance now than ever before especially after applying make up. To answer your question I would say this is a natural reaction.
Guess I'm "nutty" too... in guy mode I avoid mirrors as well as cameras. In girl mode mirrors are a magnate that I cant pass and my SO teases me when she catches me snapping selfies all the time. As a woman I love what i see in the mirror!
I am constantly amazed at how badly men dress, how little care they take with their presentation, their figures, and, apparently their daily hygiene and health. Even if I wanted to be so slovenly my wife would not allow it. She always dressed me and would not let me walk out of the house without her approval. I am eternally grateful that during the years I was clueless about my presentation she took care of me. I wince at the way I dressed before I met her because my first wife just did not care how I looked because, as it turned out, she didn't care about me. Now that I take an interest in my appearance I spend more time on dressing, personal hygiene and make up than my wife (shaving my body takes a long time) . But I do think it is shameful how badly men dress and present themselves. So guys, remember, even in drab people are looking at you and the way you present yourself reflects your self esteem. Women really try hard to look at least presentable. Why don't men? Do they not like themselves or is their sense of male privilege so great that they don't think they need to bother?
They aren't ignoring it. Most men don't *see* it.
There are two topics here. One is Male Cluelessness. The other is Self Perception.
Males are males. They do practical. They do efficient. We do pretty.
From an artist's standpoint, I can say that we *always* think our art sucks. Others see cool and interesting, we see our mistakes.
From a 'pretty' standpoint, *confidence* is one of the best things you can show to be considered pretty.
- MM
Hi Jenn, When I'm En-drab I always try to present in a decent manner with not a hair out of place.
And when En-femm I try to look the very best that I can.