Printable View
I have met a number of girls and a few are close friends. We have a common love, but to me its like everything else, there are some people that you like more than others. There being CD has very little to do with my big likes and those that I like, but perhaps less.
The responses were varied but great. A large part of why I love this forum. Thank you to those who have replied, I realize I am just one voice and one opinion among many. But I'd like to be more involved with all your voices, to learn more and know my community :)
Hi Kate,
I think the forum is a great place to meet like minded people and begin the move toward friendship "on line" and perhaps someday "in person". As others have said geography plays a huge role. I have become good friends with a few gals on this site and we PM often outside of the posts and would love to meet them in person someday if the stars align. However, given the distance, not likely soon. There are some gals right in my own neck of the woods who I would like to be friends with but we have not reached out in that similar way and until we do, an in person meeting is not in the immediate future. Seems odd since we are in the same location but, then again I do live 60 kilometres from Ottawa and just getting dressed after work and going back to the city for a meet would make it a very late night and weekends belong to my wife.
CDing is only one thing we share in common there has to be more for a true friendship to blossom. It would be very awkward to go out with a group of gals and have nothing in common to talk about. I have experienced this with a local TG Support/Social Group. I went out and figured "birds of feather" and now I will make friends. Unfortunately, the table talk was in the realm of things I do not find interesting or share a common understanding. It is no fault of the ladies at the table or me, just is what it is . . . CDing does not make you immediate friends anymore than I am friends with every person at work. We share a common job but not everyone shares my interests or theirs.
Hugs
Isha
Personally I would love to make lots of "in person" friends here. Friends to visit, friends to go out with dining, movies and the like. The reality is that my life is very busy with my job and my side business and I just don't have that much time to devote to those friends. It's just not in the cards for me at this time to pursue this part of my life to that degree and take away from other things that demand my attention. Perhaps in a few years when I finally retire I'll be able to make those friends and share more of myself with them.
For now, I am happy to count many as friends here with the hope of more personal contact in the future.
As others have mentioned, it's unclear if you mean "friends" in a forum designation sense, or as in the old school definition: "a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection." Honestly, I think the crossdressers.com "friend" designation is sort of meaningless. After all, this isn't Facebook where you only see posts from your friends. Although I don't insist on knowing my "friends" here in person, I do require that our bond goes beyond simply being users of the same forum. If someone sends me a friend request and I've never had contact with them before (e.g., via a PM or a visitor message) I tend to ignore it. I'm looking for friends who have similar outlook on life and who have other similar interests to me. I don't need validation in terms of "friend counts."
I have a number of CD friends in real life, some of whom I've met through this forum and others who I've met through support groups, conferences, etc. My wife and I just had dinner with three such friends and their SOs last night. We regularly get together in drab and have a great time. I have other good friends that I only see en femme, but when we see each other the conversation flows easily and there are plenty of laughs. To me, this is what being friends is all about.
That said, I am open to being friendly with any CD I met. We do share a special and unusual bond, and although there are a few rotten apples, fellow CDers tend to be some of the sweetest, kindest and most interesting people I have ever met.
Agreed...Life is tough enough...can't ever have enough friends. Ignor the bad, dwelling on negatives just gives away your power, and solves nothing. Focus on the positives. :-)
Hugs
I've met 3 or 4 girls from this forum. The first one got me out of the house and introduced me to her friends most of whom weren't very active here. My CD social life took off from there. I've attempted to extend the same courtesy to others here who live locally. Not one has become an active friend and most just ignore my PMs. I hate to be ignored! I don't bother any more. I tell the truth here about getting out with my CD girlfriends and my Flickr link verifies this. I just have to assume that the vast majority of people here are deeply hidden and happy to remain that way. It's pretty hard to make friends in dark closets that are kept locked all the time!
I personally would put that down to difference between a TS and a crossdresser. We get different things from a commonality. I often feel disparity with the "crossdresser" element on sites such as this one, but I adopt a live and let live attitude. It just means I fail to understand some aspects of other people's dressing motivations etc. Then again, I expect they fail to understand much of my own motivations too.Quote:
Originally Posted by Allison Chaynes
kate,
some confusion as to weather you want real life connections or this virtual home we all share,
as with anything you get out of it what you put in, time, effort, ect.
then their are all the other societal events that affect relationships, wealth, popularity, politics, freedom, family, location, availability.
so having limited wealth i enjoy meeting those whose geographical location would be impossible to associate with them otherwise,
i enjoy meeting the younger folks who are able to invest in this resource with things i had not the opportunity to do,
meeting the elder members who had the fortitude to invest and make this resource possible,
so if someone requests friend status based on nothing more than my avatar or a visitor message, or a series of PMs i cordially and respectfully accept them, they are virtual and some of course will have more meaning than others respectively.
as far as meeting in a personal venue as of yet that has not been a reality for myself, it is something i do wish to pursue and many variables will come into play their also, virtually i have met many from my home state and would cherish the opportunity to meet man to man or women to women, and hope my wife would invest in this as well.
during the holidays next year i do hope to participate in some of the social events i was unable to take advantage of this year, if money were no object taking a trip to Vegas, the west coast, Europe, ect. to meet some that i come close with here would be awesome, but their could always be that awkward moment that we really dont have that much in common, or the cold truth that when i tell my wife that im going to go hang with the bunch of guys i met that wear dresses too she may not be all that comfortable with the whole idea. i sleep next to her and would probably respect her wishes,
so your position of friendship is relative, what do you really want out of it....
Hi Kate, the best thing about this forum is that you can remain anonymous .
It had a lot more to do with her personality and worldview than anything. Since the wife and her sister were there, it seemed awkward to even bring it up. But you bring up some valid points. Thanks for the comment, Megan!Quote:
Originally Posted by Megan Thomas
I think some of us are more social than others. And because some of us are not public with what we do we tend to be more private and reserved for fear our secret be revealed.
Even though I am public with what I do when I go outside I'm not very public on the web. I tend to keep my shields up to some degree. And in public I'm the same.
I also keep a very tight circle of close friends that I believe have my best interests at heart. Next group are friends I have met in person and have shared some time together. On the web I think of friends as acquaintances. I only know them through what they write. That does help get to know a small piece of that person, but I prefer a real life meeting.
And finally how much time do I have to commit to that person? Generally what you put in is what you get out, but not always. There is only so much time I can commit to my friendships, only so much of me to go around. :D
"Friends", in the crossdressers.com context doesn't mean much to me. Inclusion on a list of friends, or exclusion from a list does not seem to change anything of substance. Unlike Facebook, it has no secondary effects. It has no effect on security, selection, notification, or anything else that I have found. It appears to be just a list of names.
The few that are included in my friends list are there because at one time or another I felt it was an honor or a sign of respect, or I was in a good mood and just felt like adding them. I admire, respect, and enjoy the writings of many more than than just the few that are on my list. However, if you wish to post a few flattering things about me, quote me, or say something interesting in a PM, and later send a "Friends" request I will likely add you to my list.
I had my very first Face-to-Face meeting early yesterday afternoon. Samantha Rogers and I met for lunch, in drab, at a nice family restaurant. She is even nicer in person than online. We chatted for over an hour and I learned quite a bit. Thanks Sammie.
Best wishes
MsVal
I accept myself and others here, yet it's only in the virtual world where I feel comfortable talking to men about this. Throughout my life, I have been lied to, cheated, beaten, and manipulated by males. I have no male friends that I completely trust at all. Men are extremely competitive; even about little things. There's always a pecking order of some sort that everyone involved knows where we exist on it; who's smartest, who's toughest, who's richest, etc.. I'm not saying that women don't have a similar pecking order, they do. But it's perhaps that I'm not competing with women that makes it so much easier to trust them as long as I'm not in a romantic relationship with them.
How CAN we be *in* if there IS no outside???Quote:
There's safety in numbers
When you learn to divide
How can we be in
If there is no outside
All shades of opinion
Feed an open mind
But your values are twisted
Let us help you unwind
Peter Gabriel - Not One of Us
I agree with Jamie.
There was a time when I had met about half of my friends FtF. I also was particularly fussy about who I friended. I wanted a friend to someone who I knew to some degree. When I got a friend request out of the blue, I often sent a PM to that person asking them why they wanted to friend me. I'm a lot more open about that now because I still hope that I might be able to meet CD friends from this forum FtF.
There's a picture on the forum with myself and 4 other compatriots from CD.com who just happened to get together at a meetup.