Pits to peaks to deeper pits. (long - over 800 words)

I'm feeling MUCH better now.

Acting on the advice of the best friends a CD could have, and with the encouragement of my dear wife, I saw a different therapist yesterday, one that came recommended by my wife's therapist.

I wanted her to confirm that I was suffering from an overactive imagination, that I am not actually a crossdresser, and certainly not transsexual. That didn't happen. She said that for a couple reasons, I fit the pattern of a crossdresser. However, I don't fit the pattern of one that will transition.

There are many very dear gals that have already, or are in the process of transitioning, who share their life experiences and wisdom on this forum. They face hardships and struggles far beyond what I think I could bear. While I wish them all big hugs and great days, I am thankful for the confirmation that I am not likely to join their numbers.

You should know by now that I consider this crossdressing thing a shameful curse and transitioning a dark, frightening journey. The good news / bad news story then becomes: MsVal is "just" a crossdresser. I don't know whether to cry or to cheer.

<grumble>

We talked about what I should do about it. Her advice was to cease feeling shame and accept it as a part of "me". Getting comfortable with the idea that it' okay to be a crossdresser will take a bit of work, and she is willing to help. I will see her again next Monday.

When the session was over, while brooding in my truck and checking my smart phone for messages I found the most timely, uplifting note from my sweet wife. She had done some research on line and wrote to me about a cute wig that she thinks would look good on me. How could she know how badly I needed that note? (How could a guy like me ever be so incredibly fortunate to have a wife so incredibly sweet?)

The clouds of depression were blown away and I can see new peaks on the horizon.

Best wishes
MsVal

Well that is wonderful news Ms. Val. A therapist who is best for you will be one who will work with you for you. Whether you are or are not CD, TS ABCDEFG..... whatever path in life you want or don't want is what you should strive for. If you do not see or want a life with transition, regardless of where you are in all of this, then that is a path you shouldn't take. It looks like this therapist is more interested in not labeling you, but rather for you to simply accept and be comfortable with yourself. That is ultimately what is most important for all of us. And you are blessed with a wife who is going to go down that path with you.

Awesome news Val! I really like the sound of this new therapist :)

Hi Val,
So sorry for being late responding to all this my dear friend. I have not been good keeping up lately... working on my own issues, sorry.
But after reading through all this, and having had the pleasure of meeting you IRL, I would totally concur that the first therapist was way off base...do not even talk to that person again!
I so applaud you and your wonderful wife. And I am so happy that you are now getting the good help that you need.
I am so glad we got to meet, and I do hope everything works out well for you. You are a dear friend and I really wish you all the best.
Hugs
Sammie

PS do not go back to that first therapist. Tee hee

Hmm ... where do you find all these people who tell you who you are during the very first session? :D

Still I'm glad you found someone that you feel comfortable with. In my view, if a person is not sure whether they are CD or TS, it's best for a therapist to err on the safe side and not pronounce "transsexualism" right away, than make an immediate pronouncement that someone is TS (which does imply transition)! This is why I was so concerned with that first therapist. It's better to adopt a wait and see strategy when a person isn't sure, than to jump into changes that would be hard to undo in the future. As much as you said that you don't like to let things ride for months or years, this is the wisest thing to do if you're unsure to the point where you feel you need a diagnosis.

Trust me, Ms Val, in time the picture will become clearer to you, the more you go out and do things, and you won't need to have someone tell you who you are.

Awesome is right! :cheer:

Great news! And I'm sure there will be lot's here also who are feeling MUCH better too..! Me included...

Your first therapist was a certifiable fruit loop who should not be allowed to practice - this new one seems much more realistic...

So - you're just a common or garden crossdresser....? Woo Hoo !!!! :yahoo:

When you have your graduation ceremony will you share pictures? ;)

Lovely! :D

Katey x

PS: Did I say you have a fantastic wife...? No..? Well - you do... :)

Happy for you, Val.

Wow. Just wow. Val, honey, you're doing great so far (said the non-professional girl who just started on this road). Least it seems that way to me. :) A LOT of us are dealing with the whole "Real Man" syndrome (that's what I call it) where we feel like we're not meeting what's expected of us. For myself, I've realized long ago that being a real man isn't in who you sleep with, how many you sleep with, what you wear, or anything like that. It's in how you meet your responsibilities, how you treat those around you, and especially how you treat those closest to you. From what I can see, you're doing fine. I'd worry more about being the Real You than anything else.

I would agree that the first therapist you saw was way off base. Not because she said something you didn't want to hear, but because she made a snap diagnosis on the basis of one session and some time seeing you in a group. In my opinion, a therapist that makes a complete diagnosis THAT fast is just trying to sell you something. As I said, I'm not a mental health professional at all (but you've heard the same thing from others that are), but I'm an educated, reasonably well-read girl (at least part-time <g>), so I don't think I'm too far off base.

Feel free to drop me a line in PM if you what to chat more. Always up for making new friends :)

I hope my wife is half as good with this as yours has been. I'll be talking to her pretty soon about all of this.

For now, take care of yourself, let your awesome lady wife take care of you, too. Sometimes we just need to do that, no matter what underwear we have on. It's good to know there are others who love us enough to take care of us when we need it.

Warm hugs!

Megan

I have some awesome friends, and yes, a truly absolutely amazing wife.

A little update.

I have not been avoiding the forum, in fact I miss our chats quite a bit. Now that my sweetheart is off work and the weather has become MUCH better, we have been up to here with chores. <MsVal points to a place a little above her head> We may be finished in time for Christmas.

While working together on those chores we talk about a lot of stuff. In this context, we talked about this Saturday's Crossroads meeting. I have it on the calendar as an optional thing that may be superseded by something more important to the family. She sees it as something more important than that, and family stuff will just have to wait. Furthermore, when I mentioned that I need a little shopping time to pick up and experiment with makeup, she offered to help me pick out the things I will need AND HELP ME USE THEM.

To those that may be following this thread and have unaccepting wives, I wish you well. I know that our situation is unique, and not common enough. I have no magic formula but I can offer some things that seem to work for us.

(1) We are totally honest with each other. This does not mean "brutally honest"; we employ a great deal of tact. This has a secondary effect. Knowing that we will be honest about all things, we think twice about doing those things that would be hard to explain. There will be times when it will be very difficult, but over time, the cumulative effect of complete honesty is complete trust.

(2) We respect each other, and each other's opinions. We do not always agree, and where we disagree, we accept that the points of disagreement are valid, even if we don't understand them. I may not know or understand all her opinions, but I do know that she has given them adequate thought and they are important to her. Anything that is important to her is important to me.

(3) We DEMONSTRATE our love by giving something precious, our undivided attention, our time, and our effort. I try to spoil her, and I'm not troubled if she acts spoiled because she tries to spoil me too. We have been playing this game of matching or exceeding the other's kindness for nearly 30 years. Sure there are times when health or work interferes, but before long, the situation reverses and the kindness flows the other way.

Thanks for all your support.

Best wishes
MsVal

Hi Val

I am glad to hear that you've pulled through your bad spot. I've rooted for you all the way and look forward to your little gems of wisdom in future.

-Jen