I'm a coward

Hell-o Rita, Intuition is a funny thing, if you feel this is not the venue for you, your probably right.
Much Love,
Kristyn

Everybody has fear, Cus D'mato used to say that any man he trained has admitted to having fear and if he didn't have any fear then this person must be a psychopath.

Remember you can always get involved behind the scenes in the parade..... I'm going in 2 parades this year for the first time and I have fears too....

Thai you everyone for your kind words once again when I'm down this community helps me get back up.

Melissa: We had every intention of attending the parade just not riding the float. Heh probably would have gotten a new matching outfit (mostly androgynous). Unfortunately that wouldn't really push my comfort level too much.

As it turns out we are going to be out of town on business that day. We take our residents on vacation that week. On the one hand I wish I had checked my calendar sooner. I could have saved myself much mental anguish. On the other hand I have been forced to confront these feelings and they certainly warrant examining.

Paula your right about examining the underlying fear. I have been sitting here feeling there was no need to stretch my comfort level any farther than I already have. I find myself wondering if my true fear is concern about our resident's families seeing me or really just me being afraid of going out. Maybe I need to stretch those limits farther still. When this comes up next year I would like to know my concerns are truly for my family and not just me not liking to be seen.

Ann she is an amazing woman. had it not been for her I would be a beard in a dress at home only. She would really like to go out to dinner before the club with our friends. Maybe that's how I double check my comfort levels.

Again I would like to thank you all for your kind words. They mean the world!

Hug
Rita

Why do you feel the need to push your comfort level? What's that about? This isn't a contest, despite the photo section! :p

I push on early transitioners, quite gently, to help them reach a goal related to their transition. Hey, if you plan to go 24/7 you gotta get comfortable presenting as female in public. But for a CD - you can just kind of stay in your comfort zone, as long as nothing is pushing you forward.

So in addition to thinking about your fear, think about what you hope to gain by participating. I can think of lots of reasons why I'd do it - but I'm not you.

If you are kind of wedged in place - makes sense to understand what's blocking you, and what's pushing you.