Again this is one of those threads which are extremely useful for someone like me who has now decided to embrace my female side and stop hiding it. I'm not the only one going through this.
As for the clothes, looking back it was never about the clothes for me. I see that now. I did try to work out why I crossdressed and decided it was a way of getting close to girls. I was of course ignoring the elephant in the room. Really I wanted to be a girl, in fact I was a girl. But it was an impossible concept for a child growing up in Ireland in the 1970s. People like that only existed in England or America.
CDing allowed me to express my female side completely. Actually I say 'side' but it isn't a side, it's the whole. When dressed I relaxed and became myself. The problem of course is that in male mode I tried to suppress the all feminine traits, not very successfully as I mentioned in other threads. This had a very negative effect on my life. But eventually I accepted I was TS.
But lately I decided to stop pretending and simply be myself. However I still need the clothes if only a piece of underwear which acts if you like, as a catalyst. By permanently wearing something female at all times I'm giving myself permission to stop trying to act like a man. In theory I shouldn't need to wear any female clothes if clothing doesn't matter but it's just a little trick to help me.
But the effect is huge. It's like a weight off my shoulders. I'm more relaxed and a nicer person. Life has a much more rosy glow. I know I can never transition but it's the next best thing, short of actually spending my entire time fully dressed as a woman. Who knows, that day may come yet!
