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Thanks Isha for another great thread !
The main problem with CDing is acceptance, Isha says that she will never pass but is OK with being accepted !
I've driven out at night dressed but chickened out at taking a walk, I may struggle to fully come out publicly because I'm not fully accepted at home, until that happens I won't come terms with venturing out dressed !
As Isha says there is the question do you want to do it and why ?
I drive around a lot in the mornings. I look for GG's and they are not out. So looking like one (from afar) would be out of the ordinary. Out in the day there are the the giggles, but you are you, hold your head up.
Dress like others do.
Must important...Smile.
Char
Self confidence..it is the "heart of the matter". With out it initially,you won't get there. Why? Because in order to get comfortable about being in the mainstream one has to feel the right to be there.You have to own that right.Without that starting point,a person will always feel on edge "out there". Personal safety is just a common sense part of life if you are confident in that life. If not,you can never "access the risks" clearly because "you may think you are risking it just being out,let alone going THERE".. You have to be comfortable to think clearly....
Thank you very much for your sincere and balanced post. I quote 100%. I never saw any other chance other than being respectful of everyone else, hoping that the other will do the same too!!
I don't know about sunshine and lollipops, but if most of us use good judgement in choice of attire, are reasonably aware of our surroundings and choose safe venues, it will be fine. I cringe when I read about after dark walks in parks or late night trips to Walmart. Night and lonely places are an invitation to trouble.
Great topic Isha.
I have sensed a feeling recently of a couple of 'going out for the first time' threads have had a touch of members being 'dared' to go out, but I'm sure this is probably just bravado and a 'you go girl' attitude/support.
However, you give a great, down-to-earth perspective.
For what it's worth, I have been involved in a couple of women's self defence courses, and the first time I went out dressed, I lost count of the number of times I failed to take the advice that was given... Things like walking about in an unfamiliar area, not staying in a group, going out in the dark, in shoes that I couldn't run in, etc...
That very first time, was more terrifying than exhilerating. The next trips out were easier.
One recent trip out for a walk around town, I was feeling more cautious, as if I expected to be 'caught'. A passing car had a guy hanging out the window waving and calling to me. That night, I was feeling a bit more insecure, and really didn't want to get into a conversation with anyone, and so, scared, I didn't say anything. Then as the car passed by, he shouted something that included the word 'frigid'. I'd clearly 'passed', but that was little comfort. I felt awful. I felt threatened, and even a little violated to have some passing stranger comment on my percieved sexual appetite.
As a guy, I had always imagined something like that to be a fairly harmless comment, (even though it's something I'd never dream of saying to someone myself) but it really hit me emotionally.
The next time I went out dressed, I headed out while it was still daylight, and I made a point of trying to relax and smile more. During that walk, I crossed paths with a girl on a bike, and she returned a warm, open smile. I have no idea if she 'made me' or not. But it was the kind of friendly, relaxed smile that a guy would never get. It was a moment of pleasure and joy for me. I've no idea who she is, and she'll have no idea the impact that one smile made to me, but I'll never forget it.
Like I said Isha, great thread.
Daphne
x
I'm with you on this MM. I've gone out en femme many times, both alone and with spouse, and safety is a big concern, so Isha's excellent advice is well taken. But when I've gone out as a DID, usually grocery shopping in the middle of the day, well that's when I am extra alert. While en femme, all I have to do is basically act normal, and am only spotted up close by wait staff and cashiers, and sometimes(not often) actually get away with it. But as a DID, bald on top, hair halfway down my back, I'm spotted three aisles away. I haven't had any confrontations so far, and am quite capable of taking evasive action before any signs of trouble come up. Plus, no one goes into the grocery store on Saturday afternoon all liquored up and looking for a fight...Well, at least not since I quit drinking:-).....But we must know that we're pushing the boundaries, which makes it uncomfortable for "them", but downright scary for me...My hope, is that every little boundary I push, will make it a little easier for those who follow.Quote:
Originally Posted by mechamoose
I believe your musical quote is from Man of La Mancha...Don Quixote tilting at windmills.....How appropriate.
Jaye
Indeed another thoughtful and thought-provoking Isha thread. We haven’t really addressed her issue of “sugarcoating” our advice to those who are looking at their first big step out into in that Big Vanilla World. I’ve been as guilty of this as others. Maybe it’s like the first time we get kids to ride their bikes without training wheels – sure, it’s a hard pavement down there and you might get hurt when you fall, but we’re trying to stress “Yes, you can do it and after the first time it gets easier.” I’d like to think that we are being encouraging, but yes, the reality is there. Isha’s point is a take home: we might (probably will) be read, but even if we are, aside from some rude looks and comments, the world will not end. Yes, most people are involved in their own affairs and will go on about their business. Like bike-riding, the confidence grows with each experience – not the confidence that we are passing as women (which is probably self-deception), but the confidence that we can be out and about as ourselves. Granted, it does help if we feel comfortable in our presentation – at least that helps me.
As to the safety issue, I avoid situations where problems might arise. I generally go out in the daytime, and when I do, I go to places and do things that women would normally do – shopping, the library, medical appointments, hair salon. If I do go out at night, that is with my wife and / or other GG friends for dinner or entertainment – we avoid bars and places where women could be accosted. Paula’s post is excellent in this regard.
I shop...really tons of stuff to do..any limitations are your own..i dont like to fly in planes so never will fly dressed...for safety i carry that item which causes instant flame war here and out of respect bears no definitive description..i dont really understand the complaints about guys when some go into bars in the parts of town you would not venture during the day..guess i also dont get why some go into those places alone...usually its group of ladies and dudes..oh well..its your call...