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Isha you seem to have balance for now. Who really knows tomorrow. Girls come and go here, why?
Does it lose some appeal at some point, only to come back? I don't know. You at least have someone helping
you work with it. Reading the TS forum, there is no balance until they are 100%, so if we balance at any part
of the scale other than that, and we are happy, great!
Hugs
Hi all,
Again thanks for your many kind replies and I do hope that by providing some insight into my own journey it will help others with their own journey.
Hugs
Isha
Hi Isha,
Just another vote of thanks from this little corner for sharing your journey. You’ve been wonderful with your posts about others, and in giving us your example of how we can achieve balance – not to mention your experiences in coming out. It’s interesting that we sometimes think about “balance” as a permanent thing, and of course it isn’t. Think about a working mother who balances her family, work and social things – that juggling act changes with the objects she juggles, the age of her kids, etc. So I think it is with us. If I think about “balance” as the amount of time that I am dressed, that varies from just underdressing to most of the day, depending on what I have to do and want to do (I’m not counting sleepwear…) . But my internal balance fluctuates less – I know that both my femaleness and maleness are part of me, and happily accept that.
Maybe you’ve put another spin on what we call “transitioning”? I’ll echo what others have said here. My ears are pierced, I don’t have any male underwear (well, I do have a few undershirts), I most always wear clear nail polish and get manicures, my arms and legs are always shaved and I use moisturizers and creams to help my complexion.. And I take finasteride for BPH, which is an androgen blocker (I think I like that -- :battingeyelashes:), as well as supplements. Do I intend to become a full-time female? No, and I don’t want SRS. I do want my external appearance to say “female” when I am out, and even when I am not fully dressed I’m still comfortable with my whole personality. So are those of us who make small physical changes to our appearance in some sense “transitioning”? Probably not, but food for thought.
Enough of this musing. Thanks again for everything you have shared with us.
Hugs,
Claire
Thank you for sharing, Isha.
As someone who just started therapy a few months ago, I find it interesting to see where it could potentially lead. I used to be far more comfortable with myself, but I had retreated back to the closet for a number of reasons, but it just wasn't cutting it. And it has been a short 3 months of therapy, but I already feel the homework assignments are quickly and rapidly pushing things in a direction toward a balance similar to yours. Mine assignments have not been so much introspection, as they have been action. Such as "Wear girl's clothes at home whenever you can", "Start wearing more colourful clothing, even in boy mode", to "Go out once a month" etc. In my case it is also to ease my partner into things, but it almost seems like it is moving too quickly. But then again, progress from complete stagnation will probably feel that way.
But these exercises are meant to make me evaluate the balance. Do I feel more comfortable in girl's clothes at home? Do I need more? At this next step, am I comfortable, or is it too far? I suppose through pushing and moving forward is the only way to figure out where we are truly comfortable. And I thank you for sharing your journey, it gives me a potential view of what could be where I end up in a year, or maybe 2. Or maybe I'll progress further. Or maybe I'll be happy at a 70/30 split. But I guess we never know until we try.
Isha, as I've followed your posts over the last year, you seem to understand the situation around you and come to grips with it rather quickly. To me, that means that you would likely find the % mix of male and female presentations to fluctuate over time as you perceive the needs around you. I agree that it will probably never go to one extreme or another, so I think it's pretty healthy to be able to adapt and shift as time goes on!