elusive search for happiness

As you've said, your wife is aware, but holds some negative but ill-informed attitudes. This is where communication may help. Both of you probably have some things to learn not only about yourselves and you're relationship, but also about the nature of cross dressing. It's not a disease, a character flaw or a disability. It is one of many common aspects of humanity that make each of us special. Hiding it, repressing and denying cross dressing won't help you feel better and it won't increase your wife's understanding. As was stated earlier, you can repeat this cycle time and again, but with each repeat there is another chance of irreparable harm to your marriage. I hope you can begin to take small, constructive steps to avoid that eventuality.

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Originally Posted by kaleyg

Right now, I'm trying to have my cake and eat it too. Probably a bad idea.

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This is usually not sustainable, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

FYI, if coming to terms with being a crossdresser is difficult for crossdressers, you can imagine what this is like for a wife! There are so many preconceived, erroneous assumptions originating from the portrayal of CDs in the media that it does take a concerted effort to examine the situation in an objective light. The idea that this is a sexual fetish is widespread (and frankly, there are a lot of CDers for whom this is strictly sexual). It is difficult for any wife who is married to a fetishist (whether his thing is looking like a sexy woman, or fur, or shoes, or whipping), to view the fetish as something that does not compete with her own sexual appeal in the eyes of her husband. No wonder so many wives are against it. Also, there is an general societal angst about men who wish to be feminine (some people think this is an indication of mental instability), plus a general fear among wives that the CDing is necessarily a stepping stone to transition, which it isn't, not to mention the fear that CDing might make their husbands attracted to men.

But, the CDers who have been able to navigate the CDing successfully in their relationships manage to get their partners to understand this is not fetish, and that experiencing a need to express femininity does not make them any less of a man, nor are they in any way attracted to men. You should seek out the members here who do navigate this successfully and seek their advice.

Not saying this should be done overnight, you must go at a speed that is comfortable to you.

Since you brought up the analogy to alcoholism, I would say that coming here to find a way to stop dressing is like going to a bar to learn how to quit drinking. Few here would admit that not dressing is even possible. I think it is possible. I'm doing it right now. Good luck to you.