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Keep the comments coming!!! I am learning soooo much about myself right now. I read a comment and think, "that's me", another one and think "I've done that" or "I had forgotten about that". Just great and I don't have to lie down on a couch for this type of therapy.
Thanks everyone!!!!
It seems that in that age we don't have quite as many anchors to weigh us down and if we have done things right over the years and learned. we tend to do things smarter instead of harder. :)
Great thread! Happened late 40's on my end & now at 50 I feel so much better. All similar stories as many of you. Kids still at home though. Still in the closet although my wonderful wife realized her guy seems to be a little left of center, but I've accepted myself for who I am within the last couple years and my life is so much better for it. This web site really helped a lot as I soon realized there were many of us in the same situation & we are not small in number. Still, I'm not sure what magically snapped and changed things for me, but again, I see I'm not the only one & it seems many of us are in the same situation. Oh, and I do think a lower T level may have helped here.
Megan
In my case, all of the above as well, Kandi, and to that you can add the growing realization that there were now more years behind me than ahead of me, and that my remaining time on this Earth was finite. If I didn't "own" my transgenderism now, I never would. In short, my 50's represented a watershed decade for me.
They began with my wife insisting just before my 50th birthday that we see a therapist for joint counselling to come to grips with my crossdressing and find some answers as to how we could salvage our marriage which at the time was on a collision course with some very jagged rocks ahead, the crossdressing being a major elephant in the room. It was the first time that I had ever opened up to anyone else besides my wife about this part of me, and the thought of doing so was absolutely terrifying initially. Imagine my shock, then, when I discovered that not only was the therapist (a female, B.T.W.) totally nonchalant about the whole thing, she actually took my wife to task for making an issue of it now i.e. after close to 30 years of marriage, when she would have had ample opportunity to leave the marriage beforehand and get on with her life if this was such a big deal for her. The other eye-opener for me was seeing the therapist explain to my wife what crossdressing was (and wasn't), and that this wasn't just some "perversion" or character flaw that could be corrected by an intervention, as my wife had clearly hoped would be one of the outcomes of our sessions. I had tried to explain the same thing to her many times in the past with little success, but hearing this from a professional now had a profound impact on her.
The therapist also explained that being a crossdresser was not just something I did - on a more fundamental level, it was what I actually was, and part of my core being. This was the first time in my life that I had seen my crossdressing proclivities presented in that light, and suddenly so much of what I had already been feeling on a subconscious level began to make sense. Of course, we all know now that this is the essence of what being "transgender" is all about, but this was 1998, the Internet was still in its infancy to some extent, and useful information there on crossdressing and transgenderism was still relatively sparse and not always spot-on. Still, this was a major revelation to me, and it went a long way to erasing much of the guilt that I had borne in the past not only about having these urges, but also for not having been upfront with my wife about them before we were married. Like so many of my generation, I erroneously believed that this crossdressing business was just a phase and that marriage - and a regular sex life - would make these feelings go away. NOT! - as we all realize sooner or later...
Having this burden of guilt removed form my shoulders seemed to give me "permission" to continue down this path of self-awareness and exploration of my feminine side, and my comfort level with this (and my female wardrobe) began to expand exponentially as a result. This was also fueled in part by the stress arising over a number of life-changing events at the time, including job losses due to the economy tanking, becoming empty nesters as the children went off to university, and welcoming new members into the family as they married and established households of their own. During this time, my wife and I also settled into a sometimes testy DADT relationship over my crossdressing which continues to this day, although her stance has softened somewhat over the years.
The big change for me, however, was that I began to go out in public en femme for the first time in my late 50's as all this was gelling, with the main triggers being that I had the opportunity to be away from home for extended periods of time due to the aforementioned job changes, as well as the fact that my formerly dark beard had gone almost completely gray at that point, greatly facilitating my ability to either "pass" or "blend" in with the dreaded "5 o'clock shadow" no longer being a limiting factor.
For me, the rest is history now. I go out in public as "Leslie" whenever the opportunity arises and have been able to check off most of the personal crossdressing "must haves" on my Bucket List in the process. This includes professional makeovers and mani's, salon wig purchases, shopping and trying on women's clothes, lingerie, and shoes en femme, using the ladies' washrooms unhindered, going to GG-centric events such as the local annual National Women's Show, museum visits, and attending theater productions etc., etc. Not only does all this get easier and easier with time, it has also started to feel both normal and natural and gives me a sense of inner peace and fulfillment that is hard to put into words.
So yes, my 50's definitely were a defining period in my life during which I fully connected with the "inner girl", and I haven't looked back since...
The first time I cross-dressed was in my 50s - for NYE. I am in a conservative profession and was perceived as a somewhat dull personality. I wanted to shift that and decided to dress as a female - which certainly achieved the objective with the target audience.I didn't think of it as "cross dressing" just as fancy dress. It did, however awaken a latent desire in me to cross dress. I wish I had had the confidence and internet acquired knowledge to do so earlier as I would now not look quite such "an old man in a dress" - I'm 67.
Just before this NYE, my age inappropriate outfit crystallized an argument with my wife. To me, NYE is an opportunity to cross dress and become a younger other me for a night - dress and behave as a 20 year old again. The next day we had a more open discussion of my dressing than we've had before. The result was that she helped me choose an costume acceptable to both of us, she did my make up, advised on accessories, etc., - and it worked. I now feel no need to hide my dressing from her - which I always disliked doing - and she is going to keep her eye open for clothing that is suitable - she loves delving in sales and charity shops for her own clothes and is very fashion conscious as a former fashion window dresser.
Last night I went for a walk around town dressed as a male in female underwear, jeans, corset, and biker jacket and realised how little it would take to be perceived as female - wig, shoes/boots, and makeup - all of which I already have. Maybe on our next visit I'll complete the picture. My wife has, I think, accepted that my cross-dressing is not going to go away and a little compromise should see us achieve an acceptable outcome for us both.
My 50s were important, but I think that I may have acted on my latent desires at any time that I realised that those desires were not as "off the wall" as I had hitherto thought. Realising that I was not quite as odd as I thought and seeing others dressing, etc., was probably a much bigger influence on me than my age.
Kandi,
See the December 2014 edition of the Atlantic. The cover story "The Real Roots of Midlife Crisis. It's not what you think -- and new research shows you start getting happier at 50." by Jonathan Rauch. Part of the new found happiness happens to many people our age independent of our proclivity to CD.
Kandi,
If you look back through coming out stories you may find many have come out in their forties ! As I did, it didn't go well !!
I'm beginning to think it's a twenty year cycle because I'm pushing now to change my Cding arrangement and I've found many stories again of members in their sixties going through a period of change or wanting it ! Being stuck in the closet in your sixties begins to look ridiculous and gets harder to live with , besides time is running out to enjoy a few years of comfortable dressing !
At around 50 I found that my judgement was still haunted by the untruths I had been raised with. When you live in Las Vegas, you get a real feel for peoples perception of luck and superstition. I used to carry around a lot of guilt about my sneaky crossdressing and used to attribute every bad event in my life to some kind of supernatural retribution from a previous crossdressing session. I even thought that if I changed my route to work that had some connection.Quote:
Originally Posted by Isabella Ross
So I had a revelation. The truth has no agenda. I decided that there is no such thing as luck, good or bad. Money is just about plus and minus.
Do the right thing even when no one is looking.
And, I am a crossdresser.
So, the truth had to prevail. It was eye opening. I eliminated all dishonest behavior, no matter how slight. I actually analyzed and formulated a viable retirement plan. I started listening to all the dumb stuff people believed in.
And, I told my Wife that I was an active crossdresser.
That was the last piece of the puzzle.
It's not perfect but, it's definitely honest.
Learning a lot here. Thanks, girls!!!!
Hi kandi,
I love this question and I would have given my 2 cents worth earlier but I was on a self imposed exile from the forum!
I think a lot of the 50's coming out has a lot to do with how we ladies deal with the mid life crisis.
A lot men deal with their mid life crises by having an extra marital affair, taking a trophy wife/girlfriend taking up extreme sports, buying a new sports car/ motor cycle, riding bicycles across the world, start living their life like Ernest Hemingway.
While us ladies when the dreaded MId life crisis hits, like to go and buy a new dress, have a make over discuss make up and fashion and indulge in one extreme sport, which is coming out to our spouses of twenty odd years!
I was almost 30 when i first got fully dressed, besides a couple halloween parties which I really don't count. I saw something in a magazine and went to a boutique that catered to CD's and found out about some CD parties. I went to the parties and met people just like me. Fast forward to the present. Im 66, retired and been out numerous times over the years. When I was in my 50's my urge was stronger than ever. But my family has always come first. I have met TGs that they were in their 60's and even 70's and were out for their first time.
When I was twenty I thought like you do I don't think it is an age thing at all.
several ladys have talked about haveing accomplished the goals that they wanted . Now in later life this surpressed goal becomes the center of our attention. As far back as i can rember i love wearing my moms things . Now in my 60s I have my own wardrobes. Iam able now to let the fem side of me blossom , I guess it depends on the path we start on , but we all seem to get t the same destination sooner or later..
I've had a couple of discussions with my GI therapist, if you think about it in the 70's & 80's the only portrayal of transgendered people in popular media was either as comic relief (the producers), or moral depravity (Caberet), what few magazines (what was it "tapestry"?) that weren't absolutely disgusting were still only carried in porno shops, and there wasn't a vocabulary for who we were
so that kind of kills out the 20's & 30's for a lot of us
Ahhhh - the internet starts coming in, you start realizing you're not alone, you're not some sort of degenerate, a vocabulary starts to develop for who we are but a lot of family obligations developed and were honored
Now I've used up more of my life than I have got left to live but It's turning into very much my life
I'm sure if I had been born in 1990 all other things being equal I would have run towards full time & transition by the time I was twenty