this romance is doomed now. You lied. She isn't going to take that well.
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this romance is doomed now. You lied. She isn't going to take that well.
I agree with Tamara and several others. Kick her to the curb. Believe me things will only get worse for you, that has nothing to do with crossdressing. The new GF is not to be trusted, as you have found out. Trust is what relationships are built on. You want a person to add to your life in a good way, not control it.
Run Kaylyn, RUN.:o
Really?? this woman went through her things and she needs to come clean for lying??? O M F G... REALLY???
The question wasn't if the GF was wrong. It is no different IMO than when a CD "borrows" his wife's clothing. But it's not tit for tat. Best would be if they forgave each other...Actually best is they go separate ways
Lori, how can you know this? It may be true, it may not be true. Who knows? They'll have to work it out.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorileah
First thing I would want to know is--Why was she opening drawers and rummaging through your dresser? You've only known her a week Is there no respect for privacy?
What would be her reaction if the tables were reversed, and you went through her dresser at her place?
Jodi
I would have sent her packing or called her a cab right on the spot.
Maybe she will learn a tough lesson this way.
Yes trust is the mainstay of a relationship and you know she deff doesn't show trust trust doing what she did.
I can't stress enough to get this point across to her in no uncertain terms.
You are young and women will try to manipulate you don't let them.
Without pointing fingers, I am alarmed at some of the responses here. No one is totally free from baggage. But you are in charge of your own state of mind. If she took a shower she was probably just looking for some clean underwear, and from her discovery just wanted to know if your relationship was exclusive. As for lying to her, I think down the road if you came clean she would likely understand why you kept things a secret. After all, you barely know each other and at the moment you have no way of knowing if she can or is willing to keep your secret. If you continue the relationship I would wait until you are sure she can be trusted before telling her anything. Even then, you have to know that many of us here are still keeping our secret from our loved one(s). This is not just a lying issue. That is an oversimplified opinion, in my opinion.
Try to not refer to the subject again.
maybe when you 2 break up
she will leave you a drawer full of her undies
I'm a woman and I take offense to that!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Tracii G
Why would she be looking for clean underwear in a mans drawer? She doesn't know about the CD'ing and if she was looking for clean underwear, why would she then go question Kaylyn about it?Quote:
Originally Posted by Carolana
I caught my son on video going through all the drawers in my bedroom whilst I was on holiday (I had cctv set up) and quite honestly, I felt so violated and was absolutely disgusted by it and that was my SON, not some person I'd known for a week. This isn't about the lying, this is about trust, there is no trust when someone goes through your things, innocent or not, it's just not the done thing!!
You've only known her for a week? And she thinks she has the right to snoop in your drawers (and what would she have been looking for in doing so, anyway)? Part of your post seems to be based on your feeling guilty about lying to her. I can relate to the guilt and shame that lead a CD to try to justify lying, and to the guilt and shame that result from the lying. I certainly have lied plenty in my life. But please don't beat yourself up for lying in response to information that somebody obtained through a gross invasion of your privacy. You don't owe this person your deepest secrets. She's the one who has some explaining to do, not you, if this relationship is to continue.
I think the "snoop in your drawers" criticisms are too harsh. She wasn't snooping, but looking for something to wear. No bad intent. People have vastly different levels of privacy expected and privacy given. My parents had neighbors who just walked in their (my parents) home. It's how hey were raised. My brother and I are very close but would never think of walking in each other's home. We always knock, then wait for the door to be answered. When staying/eating at another's home, I always thank the host when I depart. And I taught my son to do the same. His girlfriend never does when she visits. We're not offended, just recognizing that people behave as they have been raised. Give her a break, and focus instead on how he should handle the unintentional revelation.
Demanding an explanation - that's another matter. I can't defend her for that.
Been there.....
I also told casual/new GFs that they were my ex's in a matter of fact manor.
Someone you only dated for a few weeks is not someone to tell your most intimate secrets to.
I guarantee you, she is not telling you her's!
I think this thread will end up adding a completely new definition to the saying "getting in someone's drawers, AKA Panties.:heehee:
I am going to agree with everyone here who said that the trust has been violated, this relationship is doomed, and tell her NOTHING. she already had the gall to just go through your things in your room because she thought she had the right, imagine how much more snooping she is going to do with your PC, Your phone, the list goes on and on.
If she had the gall to do this, don't think for a minute she isn't going to tell everyone who will listen that your a CD if you tell her. Don't do it, dump her and move along. You'll be sorry if you don't.
Kaylyn,
First, the young lady may be history for you already. She may have had a prior experience and was in no mood to repeat her mistakes so she felt the need to do a little "digging". She may have already run for the hills, screaming all the way. I am not saying she did it the right way but surely you can understand that her past experiences she might have caused her to protect herself.
If, on the other hand, she is still in the picture, I think, you have to do some things to protect yourself, since, as others have pointed out, this is a major "red flag" deal. Some here have advised to kick her to the curb. I am hesitant to submit that as a first response. I suggest a little more empathy since I would like to be shown some for me if I found myself in some such situation. (By that I mean, concern for my future well being and acting somewhat inappropriately. I can't think of anything that corresponds at the moment. Can you?) I suggest a discussion with her as to why she felt the need to be so "inquisitive." If the response is not adequate as an explanation or reveals character traits that are not acceptable to you, then kick her to the curb or, alternatively, show her that door if you are kindhearted. If, however, it rings true and she is open about the reasons for her invasion and she is apologetic and you can sympathize with her and you wish to proceed with a relationship, you, then, need to try to be open and honest with her about what she really found, in my opinion. Fair is fair. Easier said than done? Maybe. Good luck.
Stephanie
You should have copped to it being yours...
If it blew up, she wasn't going to fit with you anyway. If it didn't... you missed out on a fun night of encouragement and 'other stuff'.
- MM
I never understand this jump in logic that so many around here make, which can be summed up with "missed out on a fun night of encouragement and 'other stuff.'" Yeah, just because a woman accepts or tries to understand our dressing, or doesn't go running into the hills doesn't mean it's automatically a kinky night of festivities. I suppose it makes sense to folks who are on the fetish end of things, but it just seems like a simplistic, dumbed down logic and a short sighted way of looking at things.
I said 'other stuff' deliberately. That could have been shared stories. That could have been asking the OP to dress up and be HER around her out of curiosity. It could have been COMPLETELY acceptable to her (Yah, my Dad/Bro was CD/TS)Quote:
Originally Posted by Caden Lane
I would suggest that you are making an assumption that I was talking about sex. CD/TS is about identity more than it is about sex.
From The Turtle Test:
Q: What is a 4 letter word ending in 'k' that means 'intercourse'?
A: Talk
- MM
You may be an isolated instance then. I've personally seen other instances where thats the exact sort of jump in logic that gets made around here. It's more than likely wishful thinking on their parts, or fantasy driven, but still. However, you have to admit, "other stuff" is sort of vague and lacks specificity.
I think that you should question her motivation for looking through your drawers in the first place, before you decide what to do. Ask her if she thinks it's right for her to be doing that. Then, go from there. Things could get out of hand with that one, I think.
Give her a "time out" for snooping and being nosey..
Personally I think you now have a great opportunity to share your cross dressing with another. At this point you have the perfect opening to ease into it, or dump it all at once. Either way, the door is cracked open. You said she’s open minded so here’s your chance to bring it out. If she trips, so be it, but who knows, it may be the beginning of a lot of fun!
I just want to point out the the OP made no mention of where she found the panties.