Is doing the only way to find out?

Leslie,
That question keeps going through my mind, I was thinking of coming out to my painting group but thinking it through and talking it over with the tutor you do realise that it's not as simple as that . Some of the complications come from the DADT situation with my wife but to feel good in yourself by coming out is not going to make everyone feel good. As far as my friends in the painting group are concerned I would hate to lose them by offending them and possibly risk causing an uncomfortable situation in the class . Besides I know at that point it would have to be all or nothing, I couldn't just change at the class so it would mean totally coming out in my town in order to get to the classes and I'm not ready for that in my current situation, but I do wish I was !!

The amount of time to get ready is fun,picking out a short mini skirt,a silk blouse,a pair of pantyhose&a pair of heels.The better part is sliding into silky soft pantyhose,then the blouse&last the skirt.When you put it all together when you step into a pair of heels&begin to walk around the place is heaven.I live at home,so
I can secretly dress in my moms clothes,we are about the same size.I order pantyhose online&have it delivered to a friends house,so I never have to disturb her
hose drawer

Teresa your situation is why Red Roof Inn exists

Just a thought

If you don't dress that much build up the time you dress. If your wife is good with it go til you find what you want. If it's not what you like don't dress so often.:hugs:
Angie

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Originally Posted by Angie G

If you don't dress that much build up the time you dress. If your wife is good with it go til you find what you want. If it's not what you like don't dress so often.:hugs:
Angie

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I am in a DADT situation, so any increase in dressing time has a significant risk factor associated with it. That's why I would like to have some insight before I take the chance (talking to her).

What insight do you think you need? You are exploring your identity here, not deciding which car to buy. If you think this might be something you need, you have the right to ask for it. Your partner has the right to give you whatever answer they want. I don't want to get into a debate about the merits of DADT relationships right now, but trust me - if you need this to be happy, you're not doing anybody (you or your partner) any favors longterm by flying a holding pattern...

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Originally Posted by Zooey

What insight do you think you need? You are exploring your identity here, not deciding which car to buy. If you think this might be something you need, you have the right to ask for it. Your partner has the right to give you whatever answer they want. I don't want to get into a debate about the merits of DADT relationships right now, but trust me - if you need this to be happy, you're not doing anybody (you or your partner) any favors longterm by flying a holding pattern...

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Zooey, I know I am agonizing and turning with fear of uncertainty. Even though I "think" I need that to be happy, I am constantly questioning that assessment for it might be just like a kid wanting a roomful of candy. That's where I think some insight might really be helpful. People who have been through this might look at my situation as so clear and simple, just as I was looking at those who is just stepping out the door for the first time. Indeed, I think what you said is very insightful. Thanks.

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Originally Posted by LeslieSD

Even though I "think" I need that to be happy, I am constantly questioning that assessment for it might be just like a kid wanting a roomful of candy.

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If you currently "think" you need that to be happy, then here's another way of looking at it... Do you think you can be truly happy while always wondering "what if"? With never knowing?

There is not a person on this planet who can tell you whether you need more, whether or not it's worth it, etc, other than you. If you can't be happy with always wondering "what if", then you do NEED to at least try/explore things further, in my opinion.

"If you currently "think" you need that to be happy, then here's another way of looking at it... Do you think you can be truly happy while always wondering "what if"? With never knowing?"

This is exactly why I decided that I needed to attend, if only ever once, a meeting with other CD's. I knew I needed to know how that felt. I didn't want to go to the grave thinking, "I wish".

However, I would caution that you need to know what limits your situation dictates and if you go beyond those can you live with the consequences. Don't let we who say yep go for it, it's great, blur your vision. Perhaps if you can explain to your SO that you feel this is something you need to do at least once in your life she may grow to understand. It doesn't have to be in front of her. Have a few days away, perhaps get it out of your system, or not, there's always the danger of wanting more, but at least it may give you the experience to articulate your feeling better to your SO in time.

I would agree that it's very difficult to assess how much of a life change one wants to make without getting first hand experience. For me, living first a whole day, then later for a week to ten days en femme, and traveling en femme were revelatory. I found myself, in a very real sense.

Once one has reached that level of self awareness, the challenge is figuring out how to make it all work out. If the full immersion isn't possible, one is forced into accepting sometimes difficult compromises.

Leslie, I think I get what you are saying. And I am one who spends the vast majority of my time in male mode. So using your number, 5%, a common number for many of us i am assuming, yet internally, we are far more than 5%. Lets just throw out 50% as a baseline, so many of us would still not be presenting our internal gender even if we tripled it. I think it can be possible that because we are so unequal of our physical presentation to our internal feelings of gender, that those times in which we do seem euphoric in nature, so it can seem that when we do present as women/female, the thought would be omg I could live like this forever. Do we have to go 24/7 to find out if those feelings are real? probably not, but definitely our time presenting would have to increase significantly. There are quite a few people on here who once contemplated transition or at least full time, then later realized when they came up to the actual level they were at gender wise that they didn't, or that it wasn't right for them.

Then there is one more way to think about it, and I think many CDers could live full time, maybe not even mind it, but do not need to in order to have fulfilling lives.