When someone asks "any chance you mind having a male admirer?" what do you they want?

There are a lot of dogs out there. I think the internet can be a scary place when it comes to meeting others. Especially if you are considering meeting others, especially men, in glam. In the dark ages I used to go to NYC to spend the day in girl mode. I regularly visited Lee's Mardi Gras shop that catered to crossdressers and drag queens. Over time I became friends with Lee and one afternoon, while in a pretty blue georgette spring dress, he introduced me to Sam, a lifelong CD admirer. All I can say is that was the beginning of a 30 year relationship, most as girl and guy, that I would not trade for anything. So if you think you'd like to hook up with a cd admirer, try meeting them in a public place like a club or whatever and find out what they really want. It won't take long to figure out. The right admirer could be a lot of fun and a potential friend.

Sounds like Allie has experienced what I have re "admirers". None of which have EVER referred to themselves as that! And, Sherry's been hit on by many 100's of guys! And, trans.

Yes. Some r insistant on chatting on Skype or send me dic pics. I just say no. Not because I'm all that offended. (In some ways, I'm flattered!) But, because teasing a guy online does nothing for me and would bore me to death!:sad:
What happens with these guys is when u don't give them what the want, they simply disappear!

I, (not Sherry), was recently hit on by 2 guys at our club. Told them both rite off men do nothing for me! I really don't care if they say they r straight or not. Because it's pretty obvious I'm not a very trans. dresser and have male parts. Just a guy in a dress and they r still interested!:battingeyelashes:

Anyway, both these guys were very insistant on hanging with me and admitted often to being attracted. Both were youngish, very clean cut, sweet, and polite as all get out. I enjoyed finding out about them and where they were coming from. When I'd had enuff, I said so and that was that.

I have found many men r interesting and have enjoyed conversations with them. Once we got by the topic of sex. I'm just not interested in that. If they keep bringing it up, the conversation is over!:heehee:

U can generalize about men and admirers if u like. But, they r all people. They come from very different countries, financial situations, cultures, backgrounds, and place along the road of life from me. I'm chatting with one rite now. A dresser who wants to try masks.:)

The question is NOT what they want from u. It's what do u want from THEM? If u cut them off rite away, you'll never know!:straightface:

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Originally Posted by I Am Paula

AllieSF- if a cis woman was told on the internet that she had 'an admirer' , all she would hear is 'stalker'.

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I agree that it may be the case for many, Paula. Though I am not sure all GG's would feel that way unless they associated that term also with our side of society, or because someone was hitting on them pretty strong. Admirer to many means that the admirer likes and looks up to what someone else is or has done like a scientists, writer, musician, sports person. Maybe if there was nothing to admire in someone's on line profile or from their words in any communication, then it might sound strange. Either way, in my opinion and experience, a T admirer basically has the same interest as a male suitor to a GG, get to know the other maybe get in a relationship and get intimate, or get intimate without the relationship. Different title/label but underneath a similar intent short or long term. Now, I do think that a T admirer may be more interested in sex sooner and may be looking more short term than long term, but that also happens with the traditional male female courting too. I do not mean to say that all men are like that because I meet many women in both of my modes and I m only looking for friendship and then let the cards fall where they may. If it would ever get more serious, of course, I would change my interest to something more intimate too. The main point is that male admirers of TG's are not bad people as is sometimes stated here, anymore than a straight male interested in a GG. There are bad apples in most barrels, but not all the apples in that barrel are bad, or something like that.

I hope that clarifies it.

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Originally Posted by Jennie-cd

....If we want to be accepted at our own evaluation of ourselves, we really should be willing to accept others at their own evaluation of themselves. -- Don't understand how someone could possibly be straight and attracted to CD? OK. Think of all the people who can't understand how your world makes sense. ...

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apples and oranges Jennie. Not understanding why someone cross dresses makes sense. But a self-proclaimed straight man who is attracted to a cross dresser is just lying to themselves. Becky has it right. "Admirer" is really a romantic misnomer that a cross dresser uses. Genetic women do NOT have admirers, ever. The non-romanticized word for that is stalker.

And the the notion of "this is a compliment," it is not. It's objectification. I can see how a cross dresser would want to misread this as such, but switch roles (dude objectifying a woman) and rethink what it means.

From what I have seen in other threads and discussions, in drag clubs, admirers attend to "attend to the drag queen"; there is a rule of "look but don't touch", a code. I don't pretend to understand but it is clear from the personal stories that these "admirers" would run a mile if sex were mentioned. I can't claim to remotely understand them, but i can't see them as stalkers either.

Do I have to worry about something like that if I come across a male admirer

I would treat any admirer with extra caution until you are sure what their intentions are... (Especially if you are meeting in person) While it hasn't happened to me, girls like us tend to be vulnerable for many reasons especially if we are in the closet, and predatory men can use that as insurance against reporting assault and/or rape... Don't mean to be a downer but it can be a very awful world out there... Stay safe!!

Edit: while this may seem to contradict my initial advice on this topic, that is due to recent revelations/discussions with other girls that have scared the crap out of me, and the assumption that any admirer discussions would be done online and with some level of anonymity.

I would stay away from those type of people if I come across it. One of the reasons it's hard to find a guy because of stuff like that. I still in the closet technically so idk.

I would back away if he turn out to be a creep

Okay, I will admit that I post on CL looking for other CDs to play with. Guys always reply even though I clearly state no men. I tell them they don't have enough money to have me and they always seem to response "how much is enough" These guys say they are straight but yet I clearly state what I am and what I'm looking for. Very creepy responses "I can't wait till I can stick my hand up that tranny dress of yours" and they send scary photos of themselves. delete, delete, delete...

It is a slippery slope. Like many of you years ago I used AOL chat rooms. I ended up meeting an admirer and we talked for a long time (as in about a year long). Basically he is fascinated with cross dressers and our lives. We eventually met have become friends. He made no bones about what he would like to do. It was about comfort with both of us. All that being said I too have posted on CL and most everybody who responded was not that nice.

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Originally Posted by Jenniferathome

apples and oranges Jennie. Not understanding why someone cross dresses makes sense. But a self-proclaimed straight man who is attracted to a cross dresser is just lying to themselves. Becky has it right. "Admirer" is really a romantic misnomer that a cross dresser uses. Genetic women do NOT have admirers, ever. The non-romanticized word for that is stalker.

And the the notion of "this is a compliment," it is not. It's objectification. I can see how a cross dresser would want to misread this as such, but switch roles (dude objectifying a woman) and rethink what it means.

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more to the effect that a crossdresser wants to be a woman / is gay / a pervert etc...

and then you'd say No it's not like that! (oh then you are just lying to yourself!)

get it?

got it!

(good!)

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Originally Posted by AllieSF

[I]n my opinion and experience, a T admirer basically has the same interest as a male suitor to a GG, get to know the other maybe get in a relationship and get intimate, or get intimate without the relationship. Different title/label but underneath a similar intent short or long term. Now, I do think that a T admirer may be more interested in sex sooner and may be looking more short term than long term, but that also happens with the traditional male female courting too. ... The main point is that male admirers of TG's are not bad people as is sometimes stated here, anymore than a straight male interested in a GG. There are bad apples in most barrels, but not all the apples in that barrel are bad, or something like that.

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I agree. It's a little too black-and-white to me to equate the interest of an "admirer" with the pathology of a stalker. GGs have males interested in them all the time without every one being or becoming obsessed and creepy. The term "admirer" in TG parlance generally denotes a more-or-less straight male who finds CDs and transwomen attractive, often because of our fondness for traditionally feminine attire and grooming in an increasingly unisex culture. It may also be a "safe" way for such males to explore bi-curiosity without just walking into a gay bar and seeing what happens.

Now, that they may want (sooner or later) what usually develops in a mutual male-female attraction (sex) obviously hits some nerves around this forum. It's well to remember that there are all kinds of us here, including many who would welcome such attention from the right person. I view the term benignly; there's a difference between a "gentleman caller" and a dangerous creep.

Mirima - If you want to waste your time on line with "admirers", go ahead. Who do you think hangs out on line to become a crossdresser "admirer"?

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Originally Posted by Jenniferathome

apples and oranges Jennie. Not understanding why someone cross dresses makes sense. But a self-proclaimed straight man who is attracted to a cross dresser is just lying to themselves.

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Again, what do you lose accepting the person's own evaluation of themselves? Why is it important for you to feel you know their heart better than they do? They say they're straight and you have no idea what that means to them so why is it a problem to accept that by their rules they're straight? We have people in this forum that say they routinely crossdress but are not transgender. I've even seen one say they like to dress in women's clothing, wig and makeup but is not a crossdresser. I can't argue against their self-description even though it makes no sense to me. So I just accept that I don't understand and I don't need to understand. Life gets easier when I don't have to run it for everyone else. ;)

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Originally Posted by heatherdress

Mirima - If you want to waste your time on line with "admirers", go ahead. Who do you think hangs out on line to become a crossdresser "admirer"?

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Enough said. Admirers are perverted creeps.

Some people think crossdressers are perverted creeps. I mean, if you want to paint with a broad brush, you may get painted as well.

Well, all the feedback is appreciated! Quite a diverse range of views! Just to satisfy my curiosity I finally sent a reply, just said "always room for more admirers." Based on everything i've read here I have no idea what kind of response, if any, i'll get.

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Originally Posted by mirima1992

Well, all the feedback is appreciated! Quite a diverse range of views! Just to satisfy my curiosity I finally sent a reply, just said "always room for more admirers." Based on everything i've read here I have no idea what kind of response, if any, i'll get.

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"If any" being the magic phrase. :straightface:

A lot of the self described "admirers" just have a blast (you know what kind, right?) texting and posting with cds, tgs and "girls" (and if you heard the old adage about most hot women in the Web being old guys, well, it's true). When it comes to following up, a sizable percentage just vanishes into thin air. But at least you are not looking at meeting any of them -when it comes to that, percentages sink lower than the Great State of Illinois' credit ratings.

If I receive a message from a male "admirer" on any website, especially with compliments, I will be polite, respond, and thank them. If a follow-up message is received essentially "when can we hop in bed" they are cut off.

I am interested in friendships with other CD/TGs first and foremost. Not one night stands with every horny male that has come on to me.

I haven't yet had anyone approach me in any way, but if and (hopefully) when it happens, I believe my instincts will tell me to approach with caution. I can only imagine that it must feel pretty nice to draw a mans attention when en femme, sort of icing on the cake after trying very hard to create the fem image.

I have some experience with them in person. Being hit on maybe 10 times myself by CD's, admirers, and men. I've watching many of my gay/bi, (whatever u choose to call them), T girl friends with their male dates and admirers. Some of these guys may be a little forward. But, by and large most r proper, respectful, gentleman! The jerks I've met/seen were without exception, drunk!:drink:

Sherry has well over 1000 FB Friends. And, I get new requests daily. Most of which I reject, by the way. Most friend requests and current Friends r male. I can't recall any of them being "admirers". They r either CD's, fetish dressers, or men. And clearly, most ALL have some sort of sexual interest in Sherry!:thumbsdn:

This leads me to believe your aggressive, predator, stalker types r mostly online. While most admirers in person r quite the opposite! This is only my experience, of course.:straightface:

I echo some of sherry's experience. I have met in person and also on line men who are interested in us ladies. The ones I have met, not dated, in real life have all been nice guys and never labeled themselves as admirers. The on line ones have gone from real creepy to extremely nice, some called themselves admirers and other did not. The term really is a way of identifying those that are interested in us.

As for gokatiegirl's comment, "Enough said. Admirers are perverted creeps.", that can easily be said about all of us, including you Katie, when someone wants to denigrate our existence and label us in a negative way without really trying to understand us and who we are. So, if you would say that "some" are perverts, I would readily agree with you, otherwise, you and others with that opinion are being as narrowed minded as those who don't like anyone trans, from CD to TS. You want acceptance, so please try to be accepting of others TG or not.

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Originally Posted by mirima1992

Based on everything i've read here I have no idea what kind of response, if any, i'll get.

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You'll likely get a response that will lead to him wanting to have sex with you. That's what Admirers want. They don't want to start dating you, introducing you to their friends, bringing you home to meet mom, or as their date to the company Christmas party. They specifically get off on men who present as women, it's their sexual preference just like a person who is into obese women, or small people, or spanking, or any other number of specific sexual tastes to satisfy a kink.

As to the GG counterpart to having an Admirer? I wouldn't say stalker either. More like f**k-buddy ... someone you see occasionally for sex only, with no interest in expanding the relationship to deeper levels. F**k-buddies are fine, until something better comes along.

But really, none of this matters. If you both are single and you both get off sexually, that's a good thing. A lot of people have casual sex just for the sake of having sex, with no strings attached.

I get requests from guys wanting to know if I am in a relationship, if they can have more than a conversation, requests that go from the tame to BDSM. At least once a week I get a message asking for more than just conversation.
I also get requ sets when OUT enfemme. I was sitting in a bar and a guy goes from six stools to five to four to three to one away. Then he starts up a conversation and eventually asks me if he can take me back to his place to tie me up. I have been asked for sex, offered money, had guys buy me drinks. I always let them down gently.
For some these offers would be just what they want. For me, not because my way is better or the right way, for me I am not interested. But for me, my way is the right way,,,,,, for me.
If you are going to go through with something, please do so with extreme protection against STDs. Go in to it with open eyes and LOTS of forethought. And make sure that you control the place, the timing, and what happens. Don't let a fantasy take over your caution. Make sure that you don't end up a statistic.
Oh, and have fun!

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Originally Posted by AllieSF

As for gokatiegirl's comment, "Enough said. Admirers are perverted creeps.", that can easily be said about all of us, including you Katie, when someone wants to denigrate our existence and label us in a negative way without really trying to understand us and who we are. So, if you would say that "some" are perverts, I would readily agree with you, otherwise, you and others with that opinion are being as narrowed minded as those who don't like anyone trans, from CD to TS. You want acceptance, so please try to be accepting of others TG or not.

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I be the first to admit I am I don't have a clean slate in regards to being a pervert.

But I don't watch tranny porn like MANY admirers do. I hade a really bad experience with a unwelcome admirer that I cannot talk about because it's still an open police investigation. Let's say the sex crime unit is working on it. Use your imagination to figure it out.

People here are making comments here based on opinion. I have facts and personally know of others that also have horrible stories about being followed by these people. Wake up girls!