gender 'fluid' or gender 'purgatory'?

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Originally Posted by gendermutt

That is why I would volunteer for an exit. It isn't from lack of acceptance. It's just a hard way to live life sometimes.

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Fatigue and frustration. Those are two things I feel from this constant tug-of-war. Sometimes one just gets weary and discouraged. Life would be much easier without hidden suitcases in the attic, a secret credit card to hide clothes and CD accessory purchases, DADT and make sure every trace of lipstick is gone by 5 pm, etc.

A pill that can cure being TG? Yes I'd take it. Even if the pill couldn't guarantee what side you'd end up on. I'd take it.

It sounds like if you're getting angsty you might be over-thinking it. When I get hung up on the big existential questions it's a sign that (a) I have too much time on my hands and (b) I'm focusing on theory instead of living my life. It's my tired old line about letting terms define you -- when I ask too hard about what I am, it's usually because I'm looking for a definition so I can say "If I am X, then I should do Y." And that's backwards -- I should do what I want to do and then think, "I do Y so I am X." If you're feeling guy-ish, just go be a guy for a while. If you're feeling girl-ish go be a girl. When you're totaling up at the end of the day you may find that you don't really have to solve for X, because it doesn't matter. ;)

I learned from my own experience and some mistakes.

A trick cyclist was never in my plan.

Some are so mixed up that they do need help.
I do feel for them.
If you can cope by yourself or with the help of others, that means people on the forum here can also give useful input, do look at it as it is good practice for further down the track.

Jean, I don't go through as much of the physical exhaustive stuff from a dadt. I am semi dadt, I don't have to as thorough with the hiding.... it is the internal exhaustion I sometimes feel. Like two little kids scrambling in different directions and you go back and forth, always trying to pay attention to both, keep them together.... sometimes I think just pick a gender, either one.... but if girl came up gender may be constant, but so would the struggle of being in a gender identity your body doesn't match.

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Originally Posted by gendermutt

I ve actually used the purgatory phrase before. Caught, trapped in a place.... perhaps for me it isn't so much a gender purgatory. It seems more like a often times tug of war between masculine and feminine. Both want to be the one in control. Occasionally one side dominates for a while. One of my challenges is trying to appease both elements into a singular persona. The compromises we talk about with our partners, when, where, how much, how long.... I have an internal version of this going on as well. Life is complicated as hell being tg. That is why I would volunteer for an exit. It isn't from lack of acceptance. It's just a hard way to live life sometimes.

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I can understand why you might want to take an exit, but I myself wouldn't want to. I like this part of myself. Yeah it can get complicated at times, but I've come to enjoy the switches and figuring out who I am. I think of it kinda like the weather. You can't really control it, but you can do your best to enjoy whatever it might be on a given day. Some days you don't get what you want, but overall things are more interesting. After all, if every day had the same weather, eventually it would get boring. Though, I suppose most people don't get tired of being male or female. But now that I've experienced a variation, I wouldn't want to be static. Its like every day I get to see a new facet of myself.