Good for you for making that first attempt, Emily. You went, you looked, you left. Maybe next time you'll go in, maybe you'll leave again, but you'll have more knowledge than last time.
Good for you for making that first attempt, Emily. You went, you looked, you left. Maybe next time you'll go in, maybe you'll leave again, but you'll have more knowledge than last time.
You were right to leave if you were uncomfortable. I've had less than stellar experiences with the support group in my area.
I do agree that if you decide to go again to contact the leader/moderator of the group and get some feel for them before going.
The note about the web site not being current is quite possible. In all the years I attended the local group nothing was ever done to the website that I could find, all excuses to the contrary not withstanding.
Also, realize you might not be accepted by the group. The local group advertised as being all inclusive but if you weren't on the road to hormones and SRS then things got chilly at best. I finally gave up and left as that wasn't the road I was traveling.
The first thing about coming out is to be forgiving of yourself. You took an important step. You could have done more; you could have done less, but what you did was brave and forward progress. Accept that and be open to continue moving forward. It's fair to move forward on your own terms, you just have to figure out what your own terms are. You don't have to join the TG precision umbrella drill team. ;)
So were they spinning umbrellas, or parasols? Were they dressed as modern women, or civil war reenactment players? What kind of spinning? Maybe it was a variant of a spiritual thing, like whirling dirvishes? The world may never know!
A very odd description to be sure, and you have to be comfortable where ever you go. I understand the age thing, not that you should be too intimidated by that. I've been to group and felt like the youngster, at 50!, but other times haf pleanty of younger gals there too. And being mostly CD when the group is more toward the TS spectrum can be different. But you might find that the group has a diversity and that certain events draw different participation within the group. You should at least talk to the to get an idea of the scope of the group. Then decide.
I'm reminded of the Groucho Marx quote..........
"I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.”.
As far as going to a CD meeting and meeting other CDs for the first time .......
Yeah it can be scary as you think...... " Is that really what I am"?
This must be tempered by the realization that there are all kinds of CDs and some CDs may be nothing like you... other than you both are wearing panties .
Other than that, I have learned to always go with the flow in most any social situation ..... "When in Rome, do as the Romans do", so to speak. :)
The support meetings I go to always start with 15 minutes of umbrella spinning! It's a good way to scare off newbies! :battingeyelashes:
Seriously, never heard of it, but I think all support groups are different. Different formats and each member & guest has their own personality. I've seen many that are very shy at their first meeting as it's often the first time they've dressed in front of anyone.
I've also seen some of those newbies blossom quickly and go where no TG has gone before! Set your outfit on stun!
hi there i live in germany and there is a group that meets up once a month about an hours drive from where i live
its held at a 4 star hotel where us types can stay cheaper than normalos ,its support group and later a cocktail party in the bar area
all seems above board ,but i must confess i haven't been because i feel maybe the way you felt and im really not sure what i would want there
apart from being outside as a girl .are they all freaks or worse still am i ?
its a shame really i know and i wouldn't know how to tell my so ,what would she think
well thats my bit ,bye
Not all of these groups will be our personal "cup of tea". We just have to go sometimes to find out.:battingeyelashes::)
Now I'm confused, Emily! When I began dressing and going out to support groups, etc. I was always nervous as a cat on speed. Still nervous some 8 years later!:eek:
But, in drab? I'm not scared of anything or anyone. Because I pass as a male 100% of the time.
If it were me in drab, I could have simply asked the umbrella ladies what they were doing? If I had been a regular church goer, a curious a passer by, or a newbee dresser no one would have been the wiser.
If u aren't prepared to talk to anyone about dressing even in drab, u may NOT be ready for any T gathering. There r closet T's that dress in complete secret and r ok with that.
Unfortunately, u need to explore your comfort zones to find out where u belong on the, "T's who r out", scale. And, for me, that required "kissing a lot of frogs". Before I found the T group I'm most comfortable socializing with!:hugs:
I hate to say it, I would have done the same thing. It took me a lot to go to my first support group meeting. When I did go, the hotel it was at was having a bluegrass festival. After pacing around I finally did go in. At the time I was in my early 20s and most were much older than me so sadly I never went back mainly because I felt so out of place. I am nearing my mid-40s now, and I wouldn't say I have a great deal of confidence, I just don't care what others think of me anymore. You will get there or if you are like me you will kick yourself in the butt for not going back.
Daphne,
It's far better to attend a meeting in a Hotel, the down side is you are going to meet members of the public , maybe for the first time. You really should try and get over your fears and go. It has totally changed my CDing outlook , hiding at home often carries the element of guilt , hiding behind curtains , once you've stepped out the door and driven it all changes.
I was surprised I wasn't nervous, but it felt right , it had all come together, I was dressed and comfortable with it, the other point is I no longer worry if I pass, I do my best and that's it. The first event I attended was a buffet and dance to celebrate the groups 4th anniversary , I can't believe I actually ended up dancing .
It's sounds about right.. many girls wait until they're older to come out. The average age at those kind of events is about 50 . Sounds a little weird being at a church but it could be a friendly place. I'd be a little freaked out going to an event at a church too. I frequent safe parts of town but rarely wonder past them alone.
While I not been to a support group meeting I have always wanted to. I did however attend a presentation about 11 years ago over in Cheyenne. At the local community collage. I just sat and listened. It was informative. After a group of us went to the cafeteria for lunch/ coffee/ what ever. Even though I was in drab I felt accepted even if it wasn't a group meeting. It was enjoyable. I am looking to join the Northern Colorado meetup group( as soon as I can get a picture taken) so I can start attending some meetings. At times I need to talk to some one.
Kymmie
Contrary to what some would have you believe, many churches are NOT the "enemy" of the LBGT community. It is not too uncommon to have LBGT support groups at churches. In fact Crossport meets regularly at a church in Cincinnati, although I have never been there on umbrella spinning class day. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by gokatiegirl
The local group in my town meets at the Metropolitan Community Church.
Surprisingly the Lesbian's at the church attempted to get the group thrown out! I don't remember the reason any more as it's been quite a few years ago. The Pastor stood up for the group and we stayed right where we were.
Maybe you just need a umbrella :doh:................................Debra
No harm no foul. You gave it an effort, it didn't click with you so you left. You could try them again next month or reach out to a different group. I personally don't have a desire to go to a group meeting but that is my choice.
There are other ways to peek out of the closet besides going to a TG meeting. PM me if you want my ideas.
I have to say, I would have been weirded out by that too. Was this a CD/TG support group or a "Gone with the wind" fetish support group? Really weird I would say. I think it's OK to feel that way too, we are all a little weird anyway being CDs, so adding to that doesn't help. Kind of why, when I dress I like to look as normal female as I can. - best way I can explain my reaction to your post .
So your "yesterday would have been the 18th. If you were in Denver, that would have beeen PRIDE weekend so maybe they were practicing for the parade (which was the 19th) and that is why they were on the lawn in whatever garb and parasols.
Next month is rodeo month, they might all have on cowboy hats. Getting cold feet is common but unless you contact the group there may always be an excuse to feel wierded out. Not everything you see is as it is
Well now this makes sense! Thanks for the explanation. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorileah
Definitely not in a place where I would even attempt this, so you have kudos for trying.
I finally made it down the block in the car to mail letters. Big step...for me.
So, ok, I don't know what was going on with the umbrellas, but that sounds kinda weird. No clue what they were doing. I haven't done anything like that in the support group I lead. I will say that getting there on time might've helped - maybe there was a very sensible explanation for it all. (edit: And Lorileah provided a quite plausible one!)Quote:
Originally Posted by twelvestepemily
I will also say that I have people in my support group who don't present as their gender identity yet, because they aren't ready to be out. None of the groups I've ever visited, including mine, have a problem with this. As I tell people, "this isn't a race, it isn't a beauty pageant, it's just about being yourself." That said, if the group has many already transitioned individuals, it's not that they are dressing up, hon, those are just their clothes! I don't dress up. I mean, I guess sometimes I wear dressier clothes, but I just have - my clothes, mostly dresses, because I like dresses. Anyway, if their group is any good, you should've been fine. I do hope you'll go back.
Well first off I think 90% or more of the people here know that feeling But what a lot of them also know is what it feels like after you walk through the door. It will be an incredible high. Just do it.
I don't know where you live but if it is the location of CO for Colorado. you are very much in luck I may have been in that church many 30+ years ago and they helped my attitude 100%. Not that I came way out of the closet but I could put my CDing in perspective and get on with life and cross dressing also.
Do it don't angst over it. Take a big breath and walk through the door
Thanks for all the encouragement to give it another try! I did, and thought I should give an update:
So between yesterday and today, I had a perfect storm of circumstances that led to me taking a leap that I would've never predicted (like, ever)
- Had a great convo with the therapist I started seeing recently, and she's really helping me to step away from the societal lens of shame. Like, we do what we do because we like it (for whatever reason...and maybe the reason doesn't even matter). It doesn't hurt anyone, so who gives a shit? Maybe it actually is possible to do the things you like to do, and not feel shitty or like a freak about it. We are who we are, so let's just enjoy life right? I don't know, I'm not sure I've bought in 100%, but I'm a lot closer, and it feels like I can almost taste freedom from the negativity I've felt about dressing and wanting to be female.
- Since I joined this forum and started talking to the therapist, dressing has really come to the forefront of my thoughts, after a several month hibernation. And of course, to make this resurgence even better, I succumbed to taking it the next level by ordering breast forms (a new first! and oh my godddd do they feel amazing), as well as a new wig (also uhhhmazing).
- The wig and breast forms both arrived today. Which was crazy, because when I checked the UPS tracker yesterday, the breast forms were supposed to arrived next Monday, but somehow they came 4 days early! Aw yea, it's like Christmas!
- One of my housemates is out on vacation, making it way easier to sneak out unnoticed
- I just learned that there is a local trans support group that meets Thursdays. Despite my experience with that other group last weekend, I figured I may as well go check this one out since it's so close and I didn't have other plans.
And so naturally, as soon as I got the new accessories, I did the whole thing and tried them out. I was feeling so good, and I was planning on going to that support group, and I was emboldened from the mentality of who cares what other people think?, that I went to the meeting fully dressed!! I couldn't believe that I did it! I called an uber because I felt like it was probably going to be better than driving (potentially risking getting pulled over, not finding parking nearby, etc). I got into the uber and said hi to the driver (and older man with a crucifix hanging from his rearview mirror), and told him that this was my first time going out dressed as a woman. He chuckled and said ok, and it was all good. Normally, I would've been absolutely crushed with embarrassment to be in a situation that like that (regardless of the reaction). But for some reason, I just didn't even care!
It also turned out to be an amazing group -- really cool bunch of people around my age that I could really relate to them. It was incredible hearing their stories, what they're going through, and especially seeing the acceptance they have for themselves (and even more so, each other). Really puts all of this into a totally new perspective for me.
Anyway, still processing everything, but just wanted to share (especially after stirring things up with that other post! ;)
Thanks for letting us know how things went out the next try