In the Closet, DADT, She doesn't want this, Need to Know.....

As mentioned numerous times my wife has all my respect and can do whatever she wishes/desires. She is her own person. Whatever she does is okay with me. She does not need nor has she ever had to answer to me. All true statements. There has never been a need for lying because people can do what they want. That is why one day after going out I told her straight out. No secrets in this relationship.

There are times my beautiful wife gets dolled up to the 10's, and she is beautiful, and she goes out with her friends dancing. Somebody they met I assume a guy sometimes gives them tickets to concerts. I guess he is a high roller and gets comped tickets for free. I think he has been at the concerts before. If my wife wants to go out she has my blessing. If she wants or needs something from me, I drop what I am doing and do what she is asking.

Very few disagreements in 22 more like 23 years of marriage. Respect? I have nothing but respect for my wife.

I have no issue with my wife or the relationship and think she has no issue either.

It seems like the underlying tone is that I cannot have what I want without her sacrificing herself. Can a person that lives alone have what they want? I read of people with grown children have concern for their grown children finding out about them. I won't have to live with that.

I do not try and never had tried to control what any person does. I have taught children from an early age to make their own educated decisions and live with the results. I am here to stay and I will keep you posted but I expect that all this will be in the open and a loving relationship will endure.

People say take it slow. Honesty cannot be slowed down. Obviously tactful communication is key but honesty is king.

If you really think there is nothing wrong with your choice of crossdressing, why hide it? Embrace it and live life.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Billy

If you really think there is nothing wrong with your choice of crossdressing and believe you cannot stop, why hide it? Embrace it and live life.

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Billy I believe there is absolutely nothing wrong with Crossdressing and I do embrace it. BUT I also choose to keep most of Becky private. There are many reasons for this none of which have anything to do with embarrassment or shame.

We do not live in a vacuum, what we do impacts on others. When deciding whether or not to tell or not tell my wife, children, wider family etc. I have taken their feelings into account as well as my work and career.

What I see in your post is all about you, before you told you son did you take any time to think about how he will feel when he hears his dad wants to put on a dress and go out? Have you actually asked your wife how she feels about your dressing. You seem to believe that because a person is accepting everything is good. You say honesty is king, that is your belief and your right, but is there a possibility you are leaving a wreck of damaged feelings of others behind you?

You would have to know my son. He is one of a kind. I am confident that he is 100% fine with it. He trusts me as I do him. He knows he is his own man and I am me. He has been raised since a little boy to speak his mind and always does. He is well respected. My wife obviously has to deal with issues that has caught her by surprise to some extent. She has known as previously mentioned about my desire to wear pantyhose. This woman is incredible just as my son. We are who we are. If we cannot be honest with the people that are closest to us then who can we be honest with. As mentioned I am not going to the rooftops to proclaim my crossdressing and I will crossdress with discretion but I do not want to worry about people in this household finding out.

I respect where you are coming from Billy and I think that those who are responding are trying to give you the best advice possible, even if it is perceived that you are sometimes all over the map :).

I'm trying to figure out where you and I are different aside from the root cause of our wishing to present as female. I guess the difference is how we deal with it. While I have my own endgame to someday disclose this part of my being to my children, the purpose of that will not be to present as a female in their presence. I've been dealing with my gender issues for my entire life and running around in a dress around my kids is not part of my master plan. in all honesty, all I want from such disclosure is for them to understand why there are certain things which are "off" in terms of my daily look compared to gender norms. I would like to be honest about my outings without any need for subterfuge. I want them to understand what makes me tick without having to put it in their face.

On the other hand, you are kind of tripping me out. Seems you are a late-onset CD'er which in and of itself is something that is difficult for me to compute despite a couple of my dearest friends fitting that definition. I guess I have had a lifetime of experiences and coming to terms with who I am that leads me to where I am which seems to be quite different to your approach. Bottom line, you know yourself. You know your family. You know whether your 5 mile no-fly zone is sufficient (in my neck of the woods, 25+ miles seems to work better). Yes, honesty is a virtue and no one will fault you for any lack of disclosure. But Becky said it very well in that everything we do impacts others. Honesty coupled with the actions we desire to take still makes for the potential for significant fallout down the road. My fear is that we are witnessing the actions which might be leading to more significant discussions in the future.

Sara,
I agree with you. If you got the impression that I want to flaunt my dressing in front of my children I am sorry for that. I don't think I said that anywhere. I think I stated a concern that my daughter could get home from school early maybe before I get home and that would not be a good scene if she didn't know. I don't want the stress of trying to rush home to hide. The other day I was shopping 30 minutes from home and I was worried I might not get home before her. I would not go to her graduation dressed in women's clothing. I believe I stated somewhere that I would use discretion. Obviously I would not show up at my wife's place of employment for a lunch date in women's clothing. I don't really understand the pushback or problem here. Why would people be resistant to being in the open?

Thanks for clarifying. I think your basic motivations are starting to make sense. You and I seem to have more similarity when it comes to family than not.

Sara,
I highlighted some points in my posts. It would only take a minute to see what I was trying to say. I am not judging anyone else.