CD gone too far

First, I agree with Lynn Marie. Any activity has the potential of creating disharmony. I've known many people whose marriages fell apart because the husband or the wife paid too much attention and money to their hobbies.

Second, Julie, I would ask your wife where her material came from. I'm assuming it's off the Internet. If it is off the Internet, what it from a site which disapproves of cross dressing. Heck, even on this site over the years I've read comments suggesting the husband just assert without any regard for the feelings of a knowing wife his "right" to spend lavishly and spent all his waking moments cross dressing or thinking about it. Again, that sentiment in a marriage is no different than a guy who wants to spend all his time tricking out his car and going to shows and races all the time.

Outing yourself to your wife does not really create acceptance. It just means the wife knows. Does that mean the husband chooses to stay home and avoid joint functions because he wants to dress? Does it mean he now spends wildly? Does it mean the husband starts to assert himself and want to vacation in a local so he can dress freely and roam about? There are just too many variables.

Maybe you need to have your wife join this forum.

Julie,
I undrestand the question and our partners ask it out of fear and misunderstanding.

I feel more now that DADT is counterproductive, it leaves many of us wishing we had more or could go as far as our own comfort zone.

We have to accept what is inside us and eventually come to terms with it, going too far is different for each of us, I would prefer to call it achieving a balance in our lives, OK it may be outside our partners comfort zone but we have to be honest with ourselves at some point for our own mental wellbeing.

How far is too far ? The issue is that ever lengthening line, from reading the GG posts here, that is what dooms a relationship.

Guilty on all charges. Over the decades, like many of us, I have been in and out of the closet. Purges, you name it. But the worst thing is that when I come out, it's at rocket speed and i go further than I did at the point when I last when into the closet. So I stopped doing that and told my wife, it is what it is and if you let me keep it in its place with denying it I can control it better. But even with those parameters I have to keep an I on myself for her sake. So far I have made it this far, 45+ years of marriage and I plan to keep it that way. I have known people have transitioned and simply lived as women with and without SRS and many at the cost of a marriage or relationship. I do believe in the marriage vows and changing my sex is a violation of that vow. I do not hold anyone to that rule other than myself. I guess that makes me a liberal.

I do not know when I will not feel the need to preface my replies by saying I am new to cd.com but not new to dressing. I have been dressing up my whole life, from the time my sister dressed me up, in her words, “to play with my little sister.” I knew even then that I wanted nothing more than to be her little sister. Dad put a stop to that game but not to my dressing or my longings. He just put it in the closet where it has been for my whole life, until now.
Sorry Julie if I appear to be straying from the topic but my question/worry is about ruining lives. I am newly retired and my SO is retired and disabled and I am caretaking for her. I tried many years ago to open a conversation with her but when I felt her pull back, out of fear, I stopped trying. She is very open and appreciative of the love and caretaking I provide and tells me daily how much she loves me. I have little doubt what she loves most about me are the qualities of Michele, and she doesn’t know Michele exists, at least I don’t think she does.
As I am getting older I realize I don’t have for ever to learn what it is like to be fully me, without hiding. I am trying to figure out where I am on the continuum, not that labels should matter but I so need to understand and accept myself. Crossdresser, gender-dysphoric, transgender, transsexual, and then there is the whole sexuality issue. I feel I am bisexual but that too has been in the closet since my mid teen years.
I am in counseling to help sort this out and plan to continue my exploration. I am all at once exhilarated and terrified. The words of wisdom and experience from all of you is so helpful. Finally, some support I have felt lacking my whole life. Thank you!

My SO goes out with me dressed. However, when she says I need to be male more. I do what she says because she gets a bit tired of it and all is good. I don't know what your wife read but yes men go off in pink fog and over do it. But workout a routine like that and she may accept that as she has control over that.