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Good for you. It sounds like you get it. It's not about passing, well at least for me. It's about being myself, and getting positive feed back.
So it's a bit of a learning curve to find what works and what doesn't. Everyone is different, with a different environment. The one thing that is universal is attitude. Being relaxed and pleasant really goes a long way in getting people to immediately accept you.
Love your advice Julie. I have passed it on to our group.
As everyone has stated, great advice. I really agree with the "keep it toned down" mindset, I see WAY to many new girls out in fetish clothes that honestly look stupid anywhere other than a fetish club or S&M Dungeon! Dress age, area, and seasonally appropriate. I get that some of us have a thing for 6" heels but you don't see many GG's wearing them to the mall! Thanks for the post!
Julie, thanks for the post. You hit it on the head on so many points...one thing I would add is to not spend the whole evening looking around to see who is watching you... now if i could just learn to do that.....lol...thanks....
Robyn
Ive been out about 25 times now since I first stepped away from the car, so far without a single incident. I follow some simple rules; go to a place where you will be safe i.e daylight with plenty of people about, dress and make up appropriately (I'm not going to wear my heels and best ball gown going to ASDA), don't walk around looking at the ground or suddenly turn away every time someone comes near you, and be confident about what you are doing. As for passing, few, if any of us truly do, so worrying about that is not worth it.
And don't forget about the seasons as goofy as it may sound. Sometimes pants are more appropriate than skirts, and skirts are more appropriate than pants. Think about how many times you actually see a GG at the mall in a pair of heels (you don't and for good reason).
I can tell you one thing for sure it is very nice being greeted as Maam do you need some help, or Hey ladies what are we having for lunch today.
The way you stand, the way you walk the way you carry yourself, it all makes a difference.
Julie, thanks for sharing. I agree it sums up a lot and has many truths, especially passing. One thing I'll add is when I'm out my radar is up and I pay much more attention to my surroundings, especially when leaving a shopping mall for instance. In guy mode I don't pay any attention, unless in a sketchy area, but en femme, I pay attention when leaving buildings.
I will add.....
I have found that weekday mornings to about noon time is the best.
There is usually a much older (safer) crowd then and no one will pay any unwelcomed attention to you... as you walk about, shop, etc.
You can even dress like a business woman (pencil skirt. blouse, etc) and fit right in at the mall and in stores.
Of course, I'm retired so, I have the free time :)
Heels will ALWAYS attract attention, especially when combined with skirts or dresses. I've caught myself turning towards the sound of a heel more than a few times, and admiring some pretty nice legs under a short skirt or dress. My gaze usually travels upwards from there to take in the rest of the scenery.
Excellent point, Kandi! SMILE!!!
I went out today to take a few items back to Catherine's and just did light makeup and some eyebrow filling in and mascara.
Put on a wig because my natural hair was a mess today.
To me I looked more guy than girl so I changed into a v necked A line peasant top.
Did all my things I had to do and the SA's in Catherine's said you going to stay around and shop we have some cute new stuff in.
I said maybe next week I have bills to pay first.
The SA said oh I hear you I do too.
Main thing is be you smile and be nice to people.
Hi Julie, Thank you very much for this post, you touched on some of the very things I have been doing wrong, but done so in a constructive way. The comments you have received/prompted have all been very supportive and constructive. Excellent post. Thanks again, Brenda
I love this. I'm still terrified to go out. My friends want me to, but being in a new city scares me. There are so many things that could go wrong
I go out and pass all the time, but then again, my truck is pretty fast!
Wasp if your friends are going with you what is there to be afraid of?
Being in a new city is a golden opportunity IMO.
Idk before I was in NYC, I was familiar with the scene in Chicago and I knew a lot of people in the lgbt community so that if I did get separated from my friends for whatever reason, I was safe. But now I know like 2 people here and like if they both find a hookup I'm on my own...Quote:
Originally Posted by Tracii G
I've always dreamed of going out fully dressed up. But I suffer from what I call "Super-Manly-Face", so I've always avoided trying to "pass". No amount of tips or guides can change my face :(
Unless it's the day before Thanksgiving! :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Barbara Jo
I had to hit a big-box pet store this morning. Arrived shortly after it opened at 9:00. Just wore a hoodie/running tights/running shoes (all women's stuff), in guy-mode. At least a dozen people in there -- mainly GG's in their 20's thru 40's. Got a couple quick looks, that I was aware of... But they tend to do that. :o
But yeah, lots of traffic. Plenty of people have the day off from work, I suppose.
And when I drove past the grocery store? Mobbed! :confused3:
Also want to add: At least in my neck of the woods, on Saturday mornings things start really picking up around 10:00.
Great advice, especially the bit of what not to do under the bathroom section, which is something that I feel I might do when I first step outside :)
I prefer going out during the daytime. My first few times going out were all during the day, and I had a great time. When somebody pulled up next to me at a stoplight I kept thinking "gee, I hope they're looking at me!"
I like it when people look at me, especially at my chest. I've wanted to have breasts all my life, and now I do (well silicone ones anyway). I love showing them off. And if I get clocked? So what? They're still my boobs.
I guess I'm a little weird.
Great post with great advice. Thanks.
One thing about "passable". It's a matter of degree. I've found that heads don't usually turn at 15-20 feet, but when someone is just 5 feet away they know I'm a guy in fem mode. Over the years I've been fine with that scenario because the people who are five feet away are those such as wait staff and sales clerks. They have seen it all, and the cool thing is that some of them actually compliment me on things like my top or bracelet. Good point about staying out of the shadows. When our confidence is low it's kind of an easy default. Don't do stay in the shadows! Not safe. Bathrooms aren't nearly as challenging as they seem. First, most states (sorry people in North Carolina) don't have laws about men in femme using the "ladies" room. (Note, I've been in mens rooms a half dozen times and have had women walk in, either by mistake or because they didn't want to wait in the womens room line). In the multi-use ladies room, the toilets are enclosed in stalls. There is nothing to see. It's not like the mens room where "everything" is hanging out at a urinal. So, get in to the ladies room, lock the stall door, go pee, and get out, after you wash your hands. Despite the movies, there aren't a dozen women hanging around the sinks, chatting and looking at themselves in the mirror. My caveats: Don't go into a womens rest room if there appears to be a father waiting outside for his "little girl" while she's in the bathroom; and don't go in with a bunch of teen-aged girls (they can get catty and single you out).
What people do and say to someone's face isn't always how they react once that person is gone. Not being 'out', I get to be the proverbial fly on the wall, and it's usually not pretty when the CD'er, transgender or transsexual is out of sight and earshot. The jokes, the ridicule, the derogitory comments all come out after they're gone.Quote:
Originally Posted by Julie Slowinski
Courtesy and being polite are often simply a way to avoid conflict. As seen with all the folks mad about bathroom bills, there are a whole lot of folks out there that don't like us.
Go out. Enjoy the freedom of being yourself. But always, always be safe, and have an escape route planned from any possible trouble. Because bystanders just might not be on your side if an altercation occurs, despite them smiling at you.
What a great conversation and thread! All of this is very helpful and encouraging. We were in Philly not too long ago, and I had a bit of a panic attack and took a hit to my confidence, most of the issue was in my head and have been slowly building myself back up. My wife has always been encouraging and supportive and that day we just were not clicking then we got stuck in the rain! After 23 years together you have days like that you just don't jive together. On the way back to the car from the rain, I had my head down and was just trying to get out of there. Later she pointed out that if there was ever a time I was "not passing" it was then, because of the way I was acting and just trying to get away, I was drawing more attention to myself and she was right! It is certainly all about attitude. We were at a Wal-mart the other day out of town picking up snacks before heading back to our room and I just felt great, as we got out of the car she said "you got this!" That little bit of encouragement was all I needed and I felt great. As we were walking around, there was this mother with the cutest little boy (mine are all grown now) and we cooed at him and he gave me a big smile! The mother was a proud mother, and had every right to be he was as cute as he could be. A little further down the lane, I noticed another young lady sort of checking me out, when our eyes met, she smiled a very warm smile and just went on. My wife noticed and said she had no idea I was CD that she was checking out my boots, but I realized then I don't care anymore what people think! That was a good "girls trip"! It is absolutely all about attitude, and having fun! When you are happy and having fun most people will see that and just go on or maybe have fun with you! Looking forward to our next adventure, with the holidays we will be doing more traveling seeing family but will get a few "girls trips" in! Again thank you to everyone here who has posted you bring a lot of insight to this conversation and its all helpful! Happy Thanksgiving!
I think Sometimes Miss has a good point. I can admit I used to be one of those people who would always have to make a comment whenever I saw a CD/TG/TS. Never to their face though... It wasn't necessarily negative comments, but I would always point them out. I feel silly for doin it now.
i love the advice you give. thank you for that. im about 45 minutes away from a cd/tg friendly bar and i keep trying to build myself up to get over there one night. :)