What event changed you from fearful to confident?

No real event just walked out the door and the rest came naturally.
I am one that does things no one expects.

To start off, my theory has always been you don't know until you try. But backing up to support my theory is taking yourself out of your shoes and looking at yourself from someone else's point of view. If you're out dressed as a guy in a woman's clothing department, ask yourself looking in.. "is he shopping for his significant other?". What do you think when a woman is in the men's department?

I have been dressed to the 9's with full wig and makeup out in public. You have to understand as well what women experience. As a guy I admire women for their beauty. Yes I do get caught up and stare.

My best advice is to reverse the role and you will understand.

I was a closeted dresser for a short period of time before I came out to my best friend. She was TOTALLY unperturbed and was like "Well, you can dress however you want when we are together" and I started going out with her (and her family) en femme. A few years before, it seemed unimaginable that I would go out dressed in public, but now I do it all the time. Somebody I cared about (and cared about me) assured me that it was fine and she supported me. That made a big difference to me.

I wouldn't say I was super confident when out, but the first time I walked in daylight and realised that no one gave me a second look was a bit of a wow moment. I thought yes, I really can do this, and have done many times since.

Hi Sami :hugs:, Old Age ! >Orchid...:daydreaming:...

I agree with Blue Orchid that age has a lot to do with it. I have never been fearful but I also don't possess the confidence I read from others on this forum.

I turned the corner when I was eighteen and my girlfriends convinced me to go dress shopping for a Saturday night dance.

I was mortified for about two hours.

Whilst the family grew up I slowed my activities a little.

I then resumed full time dressing about ten years ago.

I had a big boost in confidence the day I bought my first real wig, the shop owner was a big help. The other customer who was in the store was an even bigger help. She commented on most of the wigs I tried, we all liked the one I purchased the best. The other customer told me I looked great, and “get out there and have some fun”. She was very supportive, but was wig shopping because of hair loss from cancer treatment. I wished her all the best before I left. Since that day I’m out at least twice a week. I know I’ve been read many times even then reactions are positive.

Polar Bear knew of I was closeted for the most part when we got together. Hell,,, I was Sarah Palin for Halloween when we met... She came by and caught me. She wanted to go get something to eat, and I offered to change and she said she didn't think anyone would notice. At the restaurant nobody batted an eye. Then we went o Wally-world, and again nobody seemed to notice. But there was this one cowboy who gave me a looooonnnngggg look... I was like "oh shit, I've been read" Polar Bear said no, he was "checking you out"
After that, I started go other places, quick "in and out" stops... Again, nobody batted an eye. The more i went out the easier It got. Now I even have a job as my "ture self!"

I'm pretty a novice about confidence... just my two cents... looking myself at the mirror, out in the world, helped a lot. But the long journey was to understand to accept myself; only after this, the rest of the world could follow.

Crap - don't even remember the date now...1980? It was pre-transition anyway. I always wore flats and while "fashionable" was to the bland side due to my height at 6'+. Well, my Wife and I are out having dinner one night and sitting in the waiting area when in walks several players (we'd find out later) of the then Dallas Diamonds women's basketball team. I had to look up at the shortest of them. Admittedly, part of that was because they were all wearing very tall heels pushing the tallest gal over 7'. We sat and talked for maybe 10 minutes while we waited for our tables. They tried to recruit me till I told them I was asthmatic. Seeing how I was dressed, wearing flats and acting kinda "wall-flower'y", while nice about it, they chided me I should be proud of my height and since I was born with it wear it like a badge of honor. After that evening I don't know where the switch came from but it was thrown. I wore more fashionable clothes, higher heels and held my head up like I was proud to be who I was. It made a big difference when I transitioned as well at the end of that year.

This is a great thread. It really got me thinking about it.

Now keep in mind I dress like "semi fem" and what I mean by that is I usually wear skinny girl jeans bootcut with ankle boots with 3 in heels. Feminine top or a nice girl sweater and my nails are french manicure or pink.I'm blending in pretty well. The first time I went out I made sure I was going to a place women go...mostly women's clothing shops or Dept store with big women's sections. I told myself 2 things to remember.....I'm presenting myself fully truthfully. This is the my real me...who I really am. I feel phoney in many of life's experiences...like I am acting and no one sees the real me. Not this time, I felt so alive and confident.

The second thing I was prepared for any question I was asked or name I was to be called. Also I was about 60 miles from my hometown. I knew people would finally see the real me and it felt fantastic. I loved being my true self. That day I went shopping in at least 20 stores.

I felt for the first time in my life I wasn't putting on airs.. I kept telling my self I would never see any of those people ever again. I didn't care what anyone said. It was an amazing feeling which I feel Everytime I go out.

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This is a great thread. It really got me lookthinking about it.

Now keep in mind I dress like "semi fem" and what I mean by that is I usually wear skinny girl jeans bootcut with ankle boots with 3 in heels. Feminine top or a nice girl sweater and my nails are french manicure or pink.I'm blending in pretty well. The first time I went out I made sure I was going to a place women go...mostly women's clothing shops or Dept store with big women's sections. I told myself 2 things to remember.....I'm presenting myself fully truthfully. This is the my real me...who I really am. I feel phoney in many of life's experiences...like I am acting and no one sees the real me. Not this time, I felt so alive and confident.

The second thing I was prepared for any question I was asked or name I was to be called. Also I was about 60 miles from my hometown. I knew people would finally see the real me and it felt fantastic. I loved being my true self. That day I went shopping in at least 20 stores.

I felt for the first time in my life I wasn't putting on airs.. I kept telling my self I would never see any of those people ever again. I didn't care what anyone said. It was an amazing feeling which I feel Everytime I go out.

I think confidence comes from How one is dressed well and good makeup on. Going out and being a woman. I had many a good talk with waitress. They never asked me anything about gender. They were nice. and that alone builds confidence. been out so many times that it just feels right.

I really don’t remember any longer as it has been at least 40 years ago it was probably after meeting Virginia Prince at a social gathering in Claremont CA at the collages and from there I never looked back
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Susie

OMG. I have a bad habit for an introvert of being audacious. I dare. I dare myself. I .....just do it.
It's gotten me in trouble all my life.
I'm the guy who (I'll use the official language of my reprimand AND my citation), "conducted a single ship, un-briefed re-attack of a heavily defended position". I nearly lost my wings for being so rash and spontaneous.
The same has gone for my dressing.
I've gone out. I've gone out A LOT in the last year. I think over time it has really been a matter of "time in the saddle" more than anything than has raised my comfort level. There hasn't been one single epiphany. It's been practice, practice, practice that has gained me the confidence to go out shopping, to a concert, about town. Heck, I went out tonight to Hamburger Mary's (so much fun with the drag show).
Just do it, and don't give a rat's zzz. If you cared what the world thought you wouldn't be wearing women's clothing in the first place. Dressing as my true feminine self has been the most liberating experience of my life. Why did I wait so long?

I started slowly, a couple of hours out a Halloween a couple of years ago, then a few more hours the following Halloween, and a couple of days out in San Francisco two years ago.

Then in October of 2016 my wife was away for four days so I decided to bite the bullet and do a couple of bucket items, namely 1) nails, 2) makeover, 3) try on wigs, and 4) try on clothes at a store. I written about my experiences (at length) in the pictures folder.

It was a combination of YOLO and WTF.

I was comfortable with scheduling the makeover at Sephora, because I had one previously on my San Fran trip. But getting up the courage to go into Nordstrom and ask if I could try on clothes (while I was in drab) was a big step for me. But I screwed up my courage and asked, and the SA (whom I'm on a first name basis now) asked the manager and the manager said yes.

But the biggest leap forward was the nail appointment. I went in drab, and was going to say it was for Halloween as a cover story. But the nail tech was so open and positive I ended up telling her the full story--and then returned to the store that night dressed. I was expecting pitchforks--and I got approval and encouragement.

Julie at Sephora was great and taught me my makeup routine (I took notes). That was another big leap forward--I could now do a reasonable job of makeup.

Then I show up at Nordstrom and the original SA was off but she had arranged about 15 dresses for me to try on, and the new SA, Falon, was fabulous. I ended up going three days in a row and bought two great dresses (one is still my favorite one).

The next day I went to the wig store and bought a new wig.

And all of the people I met were supportive. The next time I got my nails done, my nail tech was absolutely giddy about me being a CD.

The SAs at Nordstrom told me I was welcome to come back any time--and I've been back lots.

In the last 14 months, I've been out between 35 and 40 times. Like Kandi, I've never had a bad experience. NEVER.

In the words of FDR, "all we have to fear is fear itself".

For me it was turning 41 and realizing I really don’t care what society thinks of me so I am just going to do what makes me happy! Family though that is a different story but still all I have to do there is be a little carful and then once I am really confident in my new persona as Andy then perhaps I will introduce her to them.

My "moment" occurred when I was stopped by the police for speeding. Having heard all kind of traumatic horror stories from other cross dressers, drag queens, and transgenders, I envisioned myself disappearing from my comfortable life to only be found raped, disfigured, an decayed a decade later. Dramatic I know, but that all went through my mind as he sat in his car running my license tag before he approached me. The officer was nothing but professional and courteous as he asked me the obligatory questions, and told me why I was stopped. I was deftly afraid to talk thinking my nerves would distort my much practiced voice to something of an alien lol....The end result was a warning ticket and I was allowed to continue on my way. That was the last time I truly feared being Paula in public!!!! ( outside of walking past a construction site!!! lol)

Cancer diagnosis. Amazing how that changes one’s reference points.😏

That and the discovery of women’s clothing that quite easily passes for typical male attire. I certainly would never pass for a female. With some care I can routinely go out full en femme, but under the radar.

Not long after my diagnosis, I did go out to a very large social gathering in Massachusetts in full regalia. I traveled some 50 miles fully dressed: wig, makeup, gown, high heals, nails, dressy earrings, and fully underdressed including pantyhose. There were even a few attendees who were very gracious in extending a kind welcome and made me feel so much more comfortable, beard and all. But inside, I was a mess! Truly a thrilling evening, and one I’ll never forget it!

More I go out fully dressed, more confidence I get. Some interaction with random people while I was dressed, also helped. I don't really consider myself being totally confident and not fearful any more, but I made a huge progress already. A few years ago I didn't dare to go out during day fully dressed, only by night. In past year I went out even during day a few times and nothing bad happened. People notice, because I don't pass very well, I get a strange look sometimes or as giggle, that's it. It's the same with shopping for female things in male mode if you try them on. A few years ago I bought shoes and try them at home and returned them, if they didn't fit. Now I go in the shoes store to buy female shoes and don't care if people see me trying them on right there. Occasionally even shop assistant close sale with "enjoy wearing them", what probably means she saw me trying them on.
But in all my years I do this, I still can't get over big fear I will get recognized by someone I know or someone will take photo or video of me and posted online for everyone to see.

I've been going out since I was a teenager, and that was a LONG time ago. For me anyway, it's not like there was a time I became confident from that point forward. I was never fearful when I was young, although there have been times since. In my case, there have been times that I've been confident and unafraid, only to turn around and be hesitant and a bit fearful the next time. This isn't always related to anything. Up and down. By far more up than down. I'll say this, though. Fear is pretty close to exhilarating. I've often pushed myself to that fearful or exhilarating point for the express purpose of experiencing that feeling. Just going out can be kind of old hat to me. I've now retired the miniskirts, but back in the day when I was married and going out of town to do girl thing I'd have one or two outing a year when I'd get away from my comfortable and conservative girl self and wear a dress that was so short, so tight, so attention-grabbing and everything else equally so, that I'd be "scared" from the time I even started thinking about wearing it. I could have worn a different dress or something else and felt perfectly ordinary. Ordinary can get old, and I allowed myself this once or twice a year dalliance. That feeling is not to be missed!! When you're first starting to get out, I imagine that just about everything gives you this feeling. Embrace that!

I think it was my earliest makeover. My haircut salon girl did it for me (bless her heart). She put my real hair up in rollers. Then under the dryer, then makeup. Comb-out, then I dressed in her bathroom. Then headed to the mall and a couple stores. I wore a green skirt suit. Black heels. No one seemed to notice. Not much, at least. The male greeter at the entrance to JC Penny--didn't notice until I spoke in my male voice: "Does my hair look OK?"

I thought about this question after I answered early on in this post. My defining point might have been when I spent a long week end in Denver about 8 years ago. So that I wouldn't chicken out, I brought one set of drab clothes. No backing out. I was still horrible in make up and presentation, but with some people that I met there, we went shopping, ate in restaurants (even an IHOP on a Saturday morning). No torches and pitchforks and I had a great time.

I also want to say great topic..

Im still not out, not really I guess.

For me until I walk down the street and go for a coffee and sit like I belong, I wont truly be out.

But im getting close.

Maybe that's the answer, you are not there until one day, poof it happens..

Love reading everyone's story. :)